Being Bipolar for me is more than just a tendence to mania and depression although I have plenty of experience with these two poles of the mental illness. For years I suffered undiagnosed through periods of intense exhilaration and equally awlful times of desparate depression. I am what they call Bipolar One, where the mood swings are at their greatest. The roller coaster of life takes me way up, where the wild ride down is wonderful until you hit the nadir and want to kill yourself. I have wanted and tried to kill myself several times.  Not only have I wanted to end the mood swings, I have wanted to end a split.

My bipolar experience was also the split I felt into two separate beings. It  was if the two halves of my brain each housed an individual person. The left hemisphere was a female named Carlotta. She was generally recessive, but was always with me. The right hemisphere of my brain was the male, called Carlton. He was generally dominant, but not always. Under the influence of drugs or at times of the "black brain"- times of the deepest depression- Carlotta would assert herself. I used to think of myself as a sequential being. Carlton gave way to Carlotta periodically, but Carlotta was always there. She was and still is my muse. Although in a different way, since I received help with my mental condition. Many of my writing are dialogues with this alter ego.

I have always written. I started writing journals 40 years ago recording my travels, my bouts with mania and depression, my thoughts on design, philosophy, religion and writers. I write about all I read. I sketch on what I see and think. My favorite writers are V.S.Naipual, William Styron, Melville, Slyvia Plath, and Nabakov. I love mysteries. I have read every thing that Robert Crais and Michael Connally have written. My mentors as visual artists are: Rembrandt, Van Gogh, and Leonardo Da Vinci. Years ago, I even tried to teach myself to write backwards in emulation of Da Vinci. I couldn't understand my own script and finally gave up. If I could I would want to be compared to him. Why not shoot high, even when you know such attainment is probably impossible.  Trying is everything.