Over the long nineteen year period, the problem was not with the handling of the boys...the problem was with my ex-wife! From day one...she did everything for them...clean their rooms; did their chores when she could; pick up after them; and everything I assigned the boys as far as chores were concerned...she did it for them! We were never on the same page...and I could see early on, that this was not going to work, etc.
The boys were being brought up to be lazy...spoiled brats and they of course enjoyed it...wouldn't you? If this continued, the boys were going to have trouble in school; getting and keeping a job; and because of this upbringing, their confidence and self-esteem would be affected, too. etc. For all those years, we butted heads, as to what the boys should do and what they shouldn't do, until all of it came crashing down in divorce!
Putting it in simple terms...my wife was a softy...a marshmellow...where...not only the boys would take advantage of her, but the people at her work place; other people that she knew would take advantage of her, too! She was a doormat, where everyone would walk all over her, and I would get upset, when the boys or anyone else would treat her in a disrespectful manner!
One of the toughest words to say in the dictionary is to have the ability to say NO! And, Wendy didn't have that ability to say NO to anyone! Her problem was that, she tried to be everything to everyone...and you can't do that in life! There's a line in the sand for everything! Example:
I pulled into the driveway one day, and over near the front door, Jason, who was about three years old at the time, was having a panic attack! Red-faced and screaming at the top of his lungs and throwing a temper-tantrum! He had the front door propped open with a brick, and was throwing mud-balls and other garbage into the living room! The mud-balls, sticks, rocks and whatever were scattered all over the room by this brat...and as you might expect, I was furious when I saw this behavior!
Where was Wendy while all this was going on? At the back of the house someplace! I told her that this mess was going to be cleaned up...and instead of making Jason clean it up...she scurried to get the vacumn cleaner to clean it up herself, etc. I wasn't surprised, as she could never confront the boys on anything...all they had to do was to YELL AT HER, and she would do what THEY wanted! I was furious over this incident and her behavior...being taken advantaged of by a three year old! I quickly took the vacumn cleaner from her, and told Jason, "You're going to clean up this mess, Jason, you understand me?"
I sent Jason back to his room, to get his mini-broom and dust pan and I put him to work! This behavior by Jason was intolerable...and I would not put up with it! I gave him the vacumn cleaner, and at the ackward age of three, he pushed it around and around the living room, picking up as much as he could! Little by little, he cleaned up most of the mess he made! "Don't you ever do anything like this again...you hear me, Jason?" I sent him to his room!
Before I met Wendy, she bought a new house, and I'm going to give the reader an idea what happens, when a three year old and a five year old have no discipline and are running wild in the household! I show the reader how these two kids were tearing this house apart!
Within six months of the purchase of the house, all the screens were missing from the windows; the front door was hanging from its hinges; a deep baseball imprint was located on one of the walls in the living room; the back and front outside light fixtures were dangling from the wires; sheet rock in the garage was bashed in with a hammar; paint was spilled on the garage floor and left to dry...and this is a short list, etc. All of this damage by a three and five year old...they were tearing the place apart!
After Wendy and I tied the knot, this behavior by these two "weapons of mass destruction" came to a screeching halt! There had to be more discipline in this houshold! I come from a large family of ten kids...five boys and five girls, and my parents had their hands full. Especially for my mother, who was a stay at home mom. My mother was a disciplinarian and she had a big black belt to prove it...and she used it! My father made her the belt at work, and when my mother talked...us kids listened!
I'm not a child psychologist, and I do NOT advocate spanking a child! You don't have to spank a child, to discipline that child! In the 19 years Wendy and I were together, the boys were never spanked! But, you have to have a clear understanding with that child, what the rules are...the rules for everyone in the family...including yourself! And, you have to start at a young age with the child...I would say two or three years old. kIds have to understand right from wrong at that early age, etc. They have to understand that they're NOT the boss!
My policy around the house was as follows: Everyone in the household messes up the house...so everyone cleans up the house...no exceptions! Everyone picks up after themselves...no exceptions!
Wendy's policy: Clean up the whole house by herself, and pick up after everybody like a little dopey slave; If the boys have friends over for lunch and trash the house...she will be happy to clean up the entire mess by herself! This was not acceptable to me!
Parents who spoil their kids, will pay for it later, in my view. I'm talking about parents creating mama's boys AND mama's girls...lazy brats! There isn't a woman in the world, who wants a mama's boy for a husband! There isn't a man in the world, who wants a mama's girl for a wife, either! Lazy, spoiled brats... both of them!
In my experience and in the year 2009, husbands don't help their wives as much as they should around the house. They don't want to do what they call, "women's work!" Fact is...many husbands are just lazy...plain and simple! I don't think a man enters a marriage as a spoiled brat...the wife makes a spoiled brat out of him and then she regrets it later. What she should do is get tough at the beginning of the relationship..."I'm NOT picking up after you, buster!" OR "I'm NOT your slave...I have to work a full-time job too, you know...BUSTER!" Why do you think the divorce rate is so high...selfishness on both sides!
After nineteen years of a tug-of-war with this woman, I was pretty pleased with how the boys turned out. For every work project around the house, they were there to help and to learn; laying floor tile; putting up wall paper; painting a room; brick-laying; putting up a door; raking the leaves; making a dump run; fixing the roof; shoveling gravel; washing dishes; pushing the vacumn around and they learned what a sponge and mop was for, etc. They both graduated from high school and both went on to graduate from college...Jason in the medical field and Kevin in criminology. Oviously, I was very
Take a look at this fact! When I was in boot-camp in the U.S. Air Force, a few of the new recruits were sent home, which at the time, I couldn't understand why. You know why they were sent home by the Air Force?
Because they were spoiled brats and mama's boys...crybabies...and the Air Force doesn't want mama's boys or girls on their team! Would you like a crybaby holding a rifle, in combat, who's might be next to you? I don't think so!
What the recruits didn't know...is that the Army would have papers waiting for them when they got home...being drafted into the Army (1960's), whereby the Army would kick it out of a mama's boy, if necessary.
When parents raise a mama's boy or girl, they make it worse for the child. Nobody likes a lazy person in the work place, who doesn't do their share! And now, with all the job layoffs, the people who were let go, are often times not replaced, which means more work for the people that stayed behind. Therefore, a lazy person is not welcome today in the work place!
When it comes to work-ethic and responsibilty at a young age, I'm reminded of an experience that I had while I was driving home one day. The car was sputtering and died and I had to pull over to the side of the road. After about 30 minutes of trying to get the car started, I couldn't, so I called the auto club to come and get me. I love to tell this story, because it involves the work ethic in a young kid, that I love to see!
When the tow truck arrived, the driver got out of the truck...and out of the passenger side of the truck, came a little boy about ten years old. I guess the little boy was driving around with his father to keep him company. Boy...was I wrong! Without a word from his father, the little boy got to work and came around the back of the tow truck, and started throwing chains on the ground and placing them on the wheels, and he was just busy as a beaver preparing the car to be towed away!
The kid was rigging everything to tow my car...and he was only ten years old! I looked at his father with my mouth open...and startled I asked, "Your son is doing all the work...and you're just going to watch him work?" "That's right," he said. "Does the kid know what he's doing," I asked!
"Of course," the father said, with a big smile!
I didn't know what to think! The kid was rigging everything to tow my car...he was pulling lever here and going under the car to place chains, etc. A few minutes later, the little boy told his father he was finished with the hook-up and for his father to check it out!
I must have looked like a "tree full of owls" with my mouth open watching this ten year old work...I couldn't believe it! All this was being done by a ten year old! I was so impressed, that I didn't know what to say!
When finished, we all got in the truck, and headed to the garage who would do the repairs. The little boy sat between me and his father, holding up a baseball cap, and I was giving this little boy more praise than he could stand, but he was loving it!
"Your father has to be so proud of you!" I told him! A big smile came from under that baseball cap! I asked the father if the boy helped around the house too, and the proud father said, "Sure...all the time!"
This father was teaching his son a work-ethic and responsibility at a young age. And, I can't tell the reader how impressed I was that afternoon! And, this is the type of thing I wanted for Kevin and Jason...to learn how to work...a work-ethic, etc. Because of this, they should learn how to provide for themselves, and their families later in life, if they were taught to work early on, etc.
And, just like the little boy in the tow truck...Kevin and Jason DID have that work-ethic that I wanted and expected from them! Mama's boys? Along with Kevin, Jason and the little boy in the tow truck...I don't see any mama's boys around here, do you?
MAIN MENU; 20+ Short-Cut Links for Your Convenience;
Copyright; Jerry Aragon; The Humor Doctor