Interviewer: Tommy, do you have any executive experience?
Tommy: Hmmm.. Yeah.. Why sure… I was actually the P O T U S in between McKinley and Eisenhower…Yeah, that’s right…just in time to win World War II….where I actually earned four Medals of Honor. Yeah…. one in the Navy, for commanding the Air Craft Carrier for The famous Flanagan/Doolittle raid; …and a Yeah…. one in The Air Corp for shooting down over 200 German fighter planes and six Japanese Zeros in the same day… Yeah…and a .. one in The Marines for single handedly capturing Iwo Jima; …Yeah.. and another one in the Army for knocking out over ten thousand German and French Tanks, with just my 45, entrenching tool, and canteen ..Yeah!
Interviewer: Do you actually think you have the financial background experience to fix this economy?
Tommy: Hmm…Yeah…Why sure…I did it before. Yeah… a back in the thirties when we were in a similar depression….Yeah…that’s right.. One day when I was only ten, I hopped into my Ferrari , the one I use to drive Morgan Fairchild around in, and I collected all of the roadside cans and bottles. Yeah…then I a … gave almost all of the four hundred trillion dollars I collected in return deposits to government to pay off the national debt…yeah and ..a.. to create millions of new jobs for everyone. Yeah…that’s right….and I kept a couple of billion for myself to build my 23 fifty room plus mansions around the world, with..a … pools and outdoor bars and spectacular views…Yeah, that’s right. .
Interviewer: How would you solve today’s current financial crises?
Tommy: Well…let’s see…. the first thing I’d do is raise everyone’s unemployment checks to a billion dollars a week. Yeah…then I’d issue an executive order to lay off everybody in the country…. Yeah…then I’d put a 50% tax on unemployment checks to pay off the national debt in no time.
Interviewer: How would you deal with discrimination in every day life?
Tommy: Well… I’m thinking Burkas would do the trick. Yeah burkas…Yeah…they’d have to all be the same color of course….Yeah…Then I would teach everyone to only speak in French. …Yeah.
Interviewer: Where would you get all of those Burkas from, Tommy?
Tommy: Well…let me see … Yeah …I … a … I own a couple hundred Burkas factories, along with all of my gold and diamond mines, and oil wells…which I visit in one of my super luxury jet, which seats 50 plus, with bars and full theater systems…Yeah…and sometimes I fly the plane myself.. yeah…and sometimes I even let Morgan Fairchild take the controls too…while she’s wearing a bikini…yeah.
Interviewer: Well President Obama says a lot of what you might call hard to believe things also. So why would people chose to vote for you over him?
Tommy: Hmmm…Maybe he does... But I saw Moran Fairchild nakid!
Now for those of you who are not familiar with Tommy, I suggest you view some old SNL video featuring John Lovitz in character.
In the event you can’t, you can always listen to one of the president's speeches, which I'm sure you will find to be just as silly and humorous.