Hidden in Pain is a unique book. It is not just a spiritual or psychological autobiography, it is the story of Jeanne Miller's search for meaning through out her life span. She relentlessly seeks until she finds her truth.
As written in the forward to her book, "Jeanne Miller is a clinical social worker living and working in the East Texas. I am one of the Episcopal priests that she mentions in her book, and so perhaps I know more than some others of her struggle to “overcome adversity and fulfill God’s purpose,” to paraphrase The Book of Common Prayer. To me, Jeanne is a real embodiment of the archetype of the “wounded healer.”
The author was adopted into an upper middle class Texas family soon after the ending of World War II. It was a family that gradually became dysfunctional during the years of her childhood. Early on, Jeanne began to exhibit what have often been termed, unfortunately, as “birth defects,” among which were dyslexia and a serious hip displacement. Her increasing disability and pain seemed to defy the physicians.
This book is not just a narrative about a faith journey into a condition of being physically, emotionally, and spiritually made whole, (which it is, of course). Rather, it is a kind of love letter to the reader, a love letter teaching us about life, itself. It would be unfortunate, therefore, if the reader were to see the intent of this book as only an ordinary commentary on herself, and that she simply learned how to live properly by means of her sufferings. Facing her suffering, stoically, is certainly present in the author’s life story. What comes through so effectively is the redemptive power of her suffering, and how this power is available to everyone.
Jeanne will draw the reader into deep places of his or her own afflictions through the details of the terrible pain of repeated treatments that often seemed to fail. How would you or I respond if we were in her place? She was tempted on many occasions to lose her faith in God. Would you or I cave in and curse the creator? Those questions followed me as I read her manuscript, and its joyful conclusion enabled me to share, as well, in the forgiveness that she had so deeply needed and wished for.
May you, dear reader, find the steps of your own pathway through life made lighter as you enter into what can only be termed a true healing of the human spirit.
From the forward written by The Reverend Gene Baker, MDiv, MSSW.
Dallas, Texas"
Our life is impossible without memory. We are not able to function effectively in the present without knowledge of who we have been in the past. The past is the womb of the future and at each moment, the present is born.
The narrative of your life story is the arena in which God, through whatever means deemed necessary, “acts” to recreate you. Your spiritual life cannot deepen fully without an awareness of a personal story as your history. By what truths do you live? By what truths do you understand who you are? Where do you invest your life during this brief time called life? Are you living the life that you want, or are you living someone else’s for them? By what point of reference do you make your decisions? The self stands at the core of being. It is the carrier of what the soul intends.
This calling to peace in the inner self will not make your life easy or free of suffering nor will it win the praises of your friends or community, but it will fill your life with meaning, purpose and a general sense of the rightness of your life’s path. Storytelling has always been at the heart of being human because it serves some of our basic needs. We have the need to pass along our traditions and our heritage. We need to confess our shortcomings and failings. We need to find healing of present or past wounds. We need to be able to bring hope to a suffering world. We need to connect with a larger community. As a listener of another’s story, I may discover that someone else has a problem similar to mine, and as I hear its voices or read about it in another person’s words, I gain new insights into my own dilemma. Sometimes I hear, or read into, the person exploring resolution to his or her problem, and my own inner teacher is awakened. At the very least, knowing that someone else has a problem similar to mine, gives me a sense of not being crazy and alone.
Because our stories make us vulnerable to having others want to fix us, or possibly, to be exploited by others, or maybe dismissed or ignored as trivial, we have learned to tell guardedly or not at all. Instead of telling our story, we talk about our opinions, ideas, and beliefs rather than about our lives. We discount our struggles as thought they are weaknesses to hide. I am convinced that neighbors, co-workers and even family members can live side by side for years, maybe even a lifetime, without learning much about each other’s lives. As a result, I believe that we lose something of great value. For in truly seeing another person, we are able to understand their situation, and we are able to have a fuller understanding of ourselves. My book has been about my life as an on going process through the painful valleys and back out to the plains. There had to be a death before there could be a birth. There had to be a birth before there was a death. There was order out of chaos. The chaos was actually necessary so that order could be formed. Nothing is considered hidden until it is known. I have become transformed, as I have risked looking at the situation and working through it until I embraced the rewards.
Depending on the developmental stage that I was in, there was available to me levels of understanding that enabled me to grow. I had the opportunity to revisit some of the unfinished business at different developmental stages so that wholeness could be more complete. My life story is always a work of art in motion. As I progress along life’s journey, I continue to see miracles that open my eyes to the wonder of who I am.
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