Odd is it that history repeats itself, but often it does. Our mission in being supposedly wise is to learn from history and the mistakes of the past lest we be prone to repeat those very same grievous errors of our past. Thanks to my sweet and precious Jan and some of mine and her early emails to one another these same mistakes have been brought to light. After my late wife Leah passed away I vowed never to never fall into the trap at work where I would work sixty plus hours a week, for you see….I did this while married to Leah. I awoke one day I realized that my grandaughter and grandson that were just kids were now grown and then one morning I awoke and my wife was dead and gone.

Also during this period of time I received a call at work and was told that my mother was dying and that she was being taken off life support, and where was I damn-it? I was at work. Where were my priorities??? They definitely were not with family. I got to the hospital just in time to see my mom pass away without me ever being able to say goodbye and that I love you mama.

Though I vowed never to let this happen again, I find myself once more in the same snare with sixty plus hours a week leaving Jan my new found love to linger at home all alone…when will the madness end? When will I ever have the balls to refuse this type of separation?

I feel like I am trapped…If I refuse to work…well, I am 55 years old…I make good money and have great benefits. Yet I also have cancer… I have medical…who pray tell would hire me at this rate if I were to quit??? No one on God’s green earth, that is for sure. What is a man supposed to do??? I just don’t know…