...How did she get in this sterile place?! She wondered. This...this room, that looked so clean...yet...harbored within its off-white colored walls, were the silent and hidden screams, smells, sinews and underdeveloped bones of innocent death. What was she doing here...?! Afterall, she had a man...a man that was more than just a familiar lover or an 'once in a while' night time companion...he was her husband.
Her husband. Her better half...the object of her sole affections...the one she adored and worshipped. The man she loved with every ounce of her being! That is why...she questioned. She could not have heard correctly...did she? Had she heard right? Had she understood...the words that he had spoken? Frantically her mind considered; there were children. There was a daughter-his, another daughter - hers, a son - his and hers and now, he was saying...what?! Did...he...say...he did not 'want' the child? 'Their' child? The child that she was, in fact, now carrying? No, oh no...he did not...could not...have said such a thing! Stomping his feet...his face angry and frowning like he had just heard...the most terrible news in the world. My God...wake her up! Please! She must be dreaming!
She had endured the empty bed...empty nights. When he did come home...his warmth, his hot hands, his one-of-a-kind 'warm milk' smell, somewhat made up for his few days absence. The fact that 'the other woman'...the beautiful young temptress, had just recently had her seond son for him, though hard, could be ignored again....but...she could never forgive the look of pure contempt ...the adamant tone of rejection that dictated his actions. A rejection of the life she carried said to her heart what her ears could not hear; I no longer love you or value you, nor do I want anything that comes from you.
She sought counseling from so called 'family' members...they were no help...they said they understood how she should follow his desires...but the final decision was hers. So...she found herself in that 'sterile' place...with the hidden, silent residues of death. And then...things changed. Her feelings for him were no longer the same. His once 'yearned for' love making, within arms that started a flame that only his waters could quench...now seemed to her, like a rape. A rape not by a human being, but by some sort of animal...an 'unbearable' act. And, even before she left him and ventured out on her own, the search began.
It was maddening....the quest to belong...to feel needed, loved, wanted...it was a wretched life. She foolishly ignored obvious warnings...plodding on, pining to be loved...she had nothing else. Even her children took a back seat to her desire to find love. She went down paths where every new pair of arms offered, what she thought was, wholeness. And for a few fleeting moments, she 'belonged'...she was somebody's... woman.
Though separated, she and her ex 'met' from time to time...as so many do, for 'old times sake'. They even decided to 'try' again. But the 'tainted' ointment that had been spilt on their portrait, had ruined it beyond repair. A child came forth from this effort...a little girl...destined not to know the 'protective' love of a father. Thus...the 'selfish' search continued...and along the way a son was produced from one of her 'brief' affairs. Still...her 'thirst' was not quenched and she continued to seek...futilly.
Then..., mercifully, 'He' came. Tenderly and compassionately...He came. Cajoling...with His promises of peace, 'eternal life' and His love forever. It was not easy...she walked with Him on and off, at first. But eventually, she learned to 'trust' Him and she no longer wanted to be a 'receptable' or a 'overnight stand'. Over a period of time, she stopped hurting...she learned to forgive and was forgiven.
No...things would never again be as they were between her and her ex ... they divorced. The eros love so necessary for a marriage had been destroyed, but agapy love, as she had for all mankind, was there. She could give him credit for what he was; an extremely good son and she could, sincerely, from her heart, wish him the rich blessings of true love.
She had found the love that she had searched for so deperately...the love that made up for all of her pain...the Love of Jesus. And it was more...much, much more...than a love affair.
Jer 8:22
copywrite; l0/31/2009
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