Oh, how I wish it were easy to be friends with Osgood Chalmers, but he makes it more difficult with each passing day ...
Osgood ("Ozzy" for short) must have been born in Nerdville: you know the type ... black horn-rimmed glasses with thick Coke-bottle lenses that make his eyes look startled. He has wild, unkempt hair that looks like a brush had never been taken to it, a big schnozzola, teeth that are stained and horribly crooked, and clothes that looks like they were dated back into the seventies. Not a winning combination.
Osgood has been at our school since the beginning of the year and he doesn't have many friends. Just about all the kids tease him; even the reject kids tease him because he is ... well, so ... goofy!!
Well, I have decided that I am not gong to be like the other kids. I am going to try to befirend Osgood, but as I said above, he doesn't make it easy.
For one thing, his idea of lunch is a sardine sandwich (on garlic toast!! REALLY??) along with truffles for dessert. WEIRD!! He also loves Bach and Rachmaninoff (spelling) and OPERA while we kids like rock and rap (and some even go as far as liking country). He loves playing chess or checkers: very good at it too. Nothing wrong with Ozzy's brain!! That kid is whip-smart!! Puts all of us to shame at what he knows!!
Osgood does have some good qualities (he wouldn't hurt a fly; he's an all around nice guy), but socially, he's as inept as they come. Not the most graceful of people: he's always running into something (or somebody), tripping over his size 12 clodhopper feet, falling down the stairs (or just falling down, period!), or ends up saying the stupidest things that make absolutely no sense!
Talking to him is like trying to communicate with a dictionary!
There are days where I want to be as mean, as cruel, as the other kids, but something inside me tells me to be nice to Osgood Chalmers. Believe me, I am trying as hard as I possibly can, but dang, how goofy can one kid BE?? He makes Steve Urkel look like a gentleman's gentleman!! Wow!!