Thanks, Donni-Jay (If you want more info now, type my name into your browser, or search engine.)

......Positive thinking must work, as some people tell me I look younger each time they see me. And no, I have NOT ever had a face lift. If I need one in twenty years time, I may consider it, but I hope to age gracefully. My professional career of dancing, karate in the past, and daily body building has kept me in shape.

I enjoyed being a celebrity in the UK, mostly in London. Have lived the exravagant life and also, known the ravages of hunger, despair and homelessness, when I ran away from my parents home, at the age of 17 years. I had to beg for food on the streets and try to find where a party was going on, so that I would have a place to stay for the night!

After having my first daughter, at 20 years, I became homeless again, many times. Then I had the bad luck to have a second daughter with an alcoholic husband, who I had to escape from and I became homeless again, this time losing both of my beloved daughters. I found them years later, but it turned out heart breaking for me.

Not long after this, my common-law-husband was murdered. He had been helping me to come to terms with the loss of my daughters. To make it worse, he died in an argument over defending me. He was stabbed with a knife straight through the heart.

I really believe that a stressful life has kept me young (apart from the fact that I have never grown up!) I have also added the covers of my books, somewhere down this Bio page. (Done for me, again by Rocky, you will soon learn who he is, if you keep reading) and I hope you will take a peek, and that you will like them! I have now published an eBook of my novel, 'Into the Lions Den.' Reading this will have a huge effecton your life as you will never forget it. Nothing is as it seems! Soon to be available in this site, but can be ordered in my official website; www.donni-jay.com

My autobiography will be ready in the new year, 2006. I intend putting a CD of some of my original songs, in the back of each book that is sold, accompanied by a poster.

Now back to the Biography........

My tiny dog, Ching was a Pomeranian, weighing just 2lbs. She was mostly hair! I had her since she was 10 weeks old, and sadly she had to be put to sleep at 14 years old. {1/3/2005} Her kidneys were failing, but the vet told me I did very well with her living that long. I have posted a poem and story as a tribute to her in here. I am sure you will see why I just adored her! She was so incredibly intelligent and obedient too! I would like to tell you loads more about her soon...............

.......I am lucky not to have aged much. I'm in shape, because I do weight training on and off, but I ALWAYS do Isometrics. I take size 6-8. Weight fluctuates between 9 and 9 and a half stone (approx:- 128 lbs - 135 lbs ......

This Biography was started in October 2003, so I shall leave all the rest in, so that you can catch up with all that has happened since. I have updated in various parts, where possible. I know that there is a lot to read, but please, get yourself a cup of tea, relax and enjoy reading through all this!..............

When you have finished reading here, YOU CAN GET MORE OF MY LIFE HISTORY by reading the chapters for my book, 'The Conflicts and Struggles in the life of Donni-Jay' ...but, please read on first!

Now, I shall try to introduce myself to you all....My late mother, part Polynesian and a real Princess, was a nurse and dressmaker/designer. She taught me to read and write. By the time I was four years old, I was able to read out aloud, from newspapers, write letters, keep diaries and was always writing stories, making little books and selling them to my school friends! (I thought this made me a REAL writer!) I remember they were mostly about my thoughts and insights into adult behaviour, and about how little they actually understood the things that I was saying to them, which I knew, they only 'pretended' to understand.

I also wrote about incidents that happened around me, or to me. My Granny, who the whole family lived with, at the time of my birth, until I was 10 years old, spent the most time with me. She was able to really inter-react with me, and we sat together for hours, whilst I listened enthralled, to her stories of her past Colonial life, including all the entertaining she had had to do, giving 'social events' at the 'big house', my relatives used to live in, when my Papa was with the British Government, as a Commissioner, holding a very high position with the Great Indian Railway in India, until they, (the British) got thrown out, due to the uprising in 1947...........

Granny and Papa had many servants, maids, cooks and nurses for each of her 5 children. As far as I could tell, the servants were treated well, (I was very concerned by this as a child, due to my reading a book on slavery, which upset me very much indeed.) Granny, poor soul, listened to me for hours also, as I constantly bombarded her with questions. I was always saying that I wanted to be a writer of books, so that I could tell everyone about the things I had learned, (innocently thinking no-one else might know about!) Just one of the things my Granny told me about was, how they had gone out socialising one evening and when she got back home it was to find out that her youngest baby son had died. His Ayiah (nurse) was distraught, as well she might be, for she had been in the habit, without my Granny's knowledge, of putting a little sleeping draught on cotton wool, under the nose of her little 'charge' to help the child go to sleep, thus giving her (the Ayiah) some peace.

The child, William, (would have been my Uncle) had been given too much and he had gone deeply unconscious and died. I knew Granny was very upset when she told me this, but my questions were, "I hope you were able to console the Ayiah, she didn't mean for that to happen. How will she be able to live with herself? What happened to her?" I had just started school, so must have been about 5 years old.

Granny stared at me with tears streaming down her cheeks and she hugged me. She then took my chin in her hands, staring straight into my eyes, and said, "Child, you have the spirit of an old woman!" Her words are still very clear to me, though at the time I didn't know what she meant, or if she was cross with me. But, she hugged me again, tight to herself and we both cried and cried.

I knew we were crying for William, the Ayiah and for Granny. (Must stop for a minute, I can't see as my tears are flowing and I don't know why after all this time)...........

I was intensely disliked and ridiculed at school, because I was the only child there who was coloured (although my mother was much darker than me, my father was white, part Spanish/English) The priest from the Church next door to the school, used to take me into the Church at playtimes and, as I was tiny for my age, he would carry me around and we would light the candles.

He would tell me that Jesus loved me and was always standing by me, no matter what the other children said, or did. So I was to never think that I was alone. This priest, 'Father Jarrot', had christened me and was also a friend of my Granny's. (She was very religious too) I remember Father Jarrot mostly, as he was my first friend. We continued to light those candles in his church for the rest of the five years I was at that school.....

I was about seven years old when my mother got very angry with me and it was the first time I saw her cry (apart from when I fell into the fire, off of my hobby horse) She could smell the bleach in my bath water. I had been trying to bleach myself a lighter colour.

My parents took me away from my Granny when I was 10 years old, I was heartbroken. (I had two brothers by then, one had breathing troubles.) Our doctor told my parents it would be better for that brother to be healthier and a life out in the country, instead of living in the smog filled air, would be much better for him. Even at that age I loved living in North London. I soon made it my business to come back when I was older!

This was the beginning of my REAL bad times. (I ran away from home at seventeen years of age, with a man I hardly knew, (who turned out to be a junkie!) after my last beating ever from my father, and was homeless, (for the first time) and begging on the streets in the East End of London, for the both of us)

(There is a lot to tell about my life, from being born, to the age I am now, but I can not tell too much, due to my next book being my Autobiography.) My writing here is going to appear jerky, for want of a better word, as I do not want to give away that much about myself, and have to keep the really interesting and bad bits out! This as you can imagine, means that I can only tell you small parts and feel very guilty for not sharing with you, the incredible twists and turns my life took from such an early time, and continued to do so, even up to this age!......................

I think it's best if I explain that I have lived the kind of life, that might have driven some people crazy, as it has been filled with non-stop action, emotions, trauma, disasters, physical and mental abuse, illnesses, operations (and not only mine,) guilt, grief, loss, being blamed for things I never did, and my determination not to be 'put down', by the bad luck that life, (or whatever) throws at you, well maybe you too, but I meant me.

My optimistic nature has prevented the death of me, shall I say, even though I tried to cause the death of me, several times! I was blown up in a gas explosion once! I would love to go deeper, but here and now is not the time. I shall soon be telling the world all about my life, in as much detail as I can remember and through the memories of other's whose lives have touched mine..................

You might understand if I say that I have moved home 117 times (have ALL the addresses written down and there is a story to each and every one of them) I had to keep starting afresh, in so many different towns, and mostly on my own. (My reasons will be very understandable, once I tell you why I had to keep moving). My main theme in life seemed to be surviving it, but throughout, every time a door was closed, it wasn't long before I had a choice of a few others and each was a gamble. It was mostly a choice of which was the best of the worst ones. Many did not pay off. I hope to complete my Autobiography as soon as possible, as I will not be able to move on until I do now. It has to be faced.

I, above all people should not be going high profile, but this story just has to be told. When you read it, as I hope you will, you will all understand, what I am trying not to say right now, and why I have to be careful as a lot of people can get into trouble. I have to get it all out of my head and shall we say, recorded, so that it was not all in vain. There is so much here, that all kinds of people will be able to relate to something in my life and they will know that they have not been alone in their suffering. I know, and others who know me have said, my story will be of great hope and consolation, to those who are going through times, that they feel are just too unbearable for them to continue.

I also have seen the suffering of gay men who couldn't accept that they just happened to be 'gay.' My own 6ft 2", broad shouldered brother, Andy, found it very difficult when he realized that he was gay at 17yrs and in the RAF. To get him out of the RAF, he had to prove he was gay and I was the witness who helped him! (Hilarious tales about this to be revealed later) He was suicidal and luckily I was around. He moved in with me several times and I went to his first gay clubs with him. I love new experiences and I certainly got them here. (I didn't like the gay women much, (with crew cuts, large jaws and huge arms) who were chasing me a lot harder than any man ever did! Frightening!) It did not take long for the gay’s to get on with me and they asked me to dance with them. Boy, could they dance! They are so uninhibited!

I had so many good times with my gay brother. He is so full of dignity, charm and so manly. (Apart from when he used to pinch my mascara to put on his eyelashes) He also got into as much trouble as I used to, if not a bit more. But some of the escapades we both got ourselves into, were just so funny. He bought a the title of ‘Lord’ for a very princely sum and used his incredible brain to become a millionaire, (but was later put in Ford Prison, in England, for a two and a half million pound fraud, of which he was the 'fall guy.') He had some bad times in prison, but he was a privileged prisoner and was allowed caviar and champagne.

Sadly now, my beloved brother who has been HIV positive for over 10 years, is really ill. I have just found out, that although he has been very ill on and off, he is now dying of Aids. When I went through the trauma of his finding out that he had HIV, promised I would take care of him when he got too ill to cope and until the end. So, Rocky and I hope to take him in and get a special nurse to help out. I had hoped that I would 'end’ before he did, so I do not know how I shall cope with this, when it happens.

Though there is much sadness in my life story, there is so much hilarity and there is much joy too, though not long lasting, but I was trying to say that, when I get all this stuff out of my head, I can REALLY get on with my life and can let the past go!..........

In the past, searching for my adopted daughters consumed my every thinking. My search for my Soulmate and a decent father (in case I found my daughters) caused me so many wasted years in captivity, instead of just getting on with my career and my life. I hated my second husband from the day I married him, for that was the time I found out what he was really like. My life trying to escape from him would take up half a book.

I was alone for quite a while until I met an incredible guitarist, mulit-instrumentalist, singer and songwriter. He is Tony Kay and we became a ‘duo.’ We were extremely successful and always were booked for a year ahead, to entertain. His mother, Mary Kay, was the mistress of Tommy Cooper, the UK comedian, who was as famous as anyone could get. Mary wrote a book all about her life with him. Of course, I knew the secret parts, and will tell in my Autobiography. (She won’t mind.)

Tony was friendly with Pink Floyd, as they lived near us, and he would play guitar with them. Cutting a long story short as usual, Tony and I got on great, though it was mostly a ‘spiritual’ relationship. We are still friendly to this day. He and Rocky have met and like each other. I shall be using some of Tony’s talents on my recordings.

Anyway, the older one gets, most certainly the harder it is to be strong enough to make drastic changes. I can hardly believe that, at 54 years, I made my huge decision to leave my fourth marriage, that was very detrimental and damaging to me. But not only that, I made a complete change, by leaving everything familiar to me, including my family , friends and my country of birth.

In between my four husbands and six common-law-husbands, I had lived alone and never even dated. I was celibate. It does not take too long to adapt to not having the physical comfort, that a close relationship usually brings. (My dreams had to suffice!) I was not going to go out and give myself to just anybody. I only went out on dinner dates, or on short holiday trips, accompanied by friends. Or, to watch various musician friends at their gigs, when I would get up and ‘guest,’ as it’s called. Sometimes, I was busy getting a band together and spent much time rehearsing, sorting out the usual problems with personality clashes and so on. In other words, I kept myself occupied doing something a bit challenging and which I greatly enjoyed. Well, although I have had the equivalent of ten ‘divorces,’ I have not had many relationships in between that. I found it preferable to live alone, than to live with a person who made me unhappy, angry, irritated, or, who made me lose my temper, or, worse still, made me lose my confidence as a woman!

Many men try to do this to a partner if they are attractive, in a bid to keep them from thinking they might be able to do better elsewhere and have a better life, with a man/woman who could offer them more.

In the past my search for my Soulmate caused me so many wasted years in captivity and then suddenly being released into the world of the single person again. The older one gets, most certainly the harder it is to be strong enough to make drastic changes. I can hardly believe that, at 54 years, I made my huge decision to leave my fourth marriage, that was very detrimental and damaging to me. But not only that, I made a complete change, by leaving everything familiar to me, including my country.

Some of the men in my life proved to nastier, after I had grown bored of them, and left, or asked them to go. Contact as friends was not possible, as it always lead to arguments. Some of the men were downright evil, after convincing me that they were worth being with, until I actually moved in with them, or they, with me.

Some of the relationships were violent. But, I gave back as good as I was given, sometimes better, but the main thing to do was to escape from them as soon as possible, even though it meant uprooting and going, before I was prepared for it. Some, stayed my friends, as they were genuinely lovely men, but sadly, did not have all the requirements that I needed and my needs were set high. So high, that I was always being told that I would NEVER find this ‘perfect’ man.

Actually, he did not have to be perfect, he just had to do all the things that I did, creatively speaking and to be on the same wavelength and to be able to communicate with me, at all times, regardless of any situation. I was truly looking for a soul mate, for this man needed to be able to know my feelings inside out, and understand my emotional ‘triggers’ of which my traumatic life, had left me plenty of, so that he could prevent the distress that I would so easily feel, when one of these triggers went off.

I hated myself at these times, as I knew I was making much more of a situation than was necessary and I could not control my verbal temper outbursts. I would not say things I did not mean at these times. Indeed, the opposite. I would be totally un-diplomatic and point out every fault and trait that displeased me, about the partner I was with. It was the anger at the pain I felt inside, that made me so angry. It seemed that such a stupid little thing could upset me so much and then everything I had ever suffered, came back all at once, and it felt as if I were dealing with it all again. All memories of trauma, loss and guilt came flooding back and my adrenaline literally flowed!

Of course this made me feel very violent. But who could I take it out on, when it was the past that was hurting me? I simply turned on the partner who had just, either caused my ‘trigger’ to go off, or, who did not prevent it from happening. I was always trying to push them away, even the good ones, as it was them that I blamed. If they were supposed to love me, then how could they not understand what caused me immense mental hurt? (which always turned into a physical pain deep inside my solar plexus) All I could think of was that they had been lying to me. Yes, I was very difficult to live with, (only when my triggers went off though) but I am happy to say, that as the years went by, I mellowed out and now mostly feel empathy and not anger.

I feel as if the things that happened in my life which were so unjust, had happened to someone else, that I vaguely knew. As most of the men I had left, wanted me to give them another try at the relationship, promising to try and understand me, I realized that unless they knew the details of my past traumatic life, and were of course, interested enough to take the amount of time it would, to reveal all the convoluted details, that they would never be able to live with me, or I, with them. Those that were willing to get that close to me, got frustrated, as I found it such hard going trying to remember what happened, when and why and what it lead to. You see, there was just too much and nothing made sense without the other bits!

I had lived at least three more lives than the average person, as I had always strived for more than I should have. Always got into trouble that I had to get out of. And, due to my personality, had to live on the edge, as I got so bored with the normal life and stability of staying put, just because it was the easiest thing to do. With me, as soon as a home or area, bored me, I would leave it. Either with my partner at the time, or without him. The same went for casual friends and work I did, before I went into show business.

I lost contact with so many friends due to my many moves. But I still think of them and have tried to get in contact. My blunt way of speaking my mind got me into trouble, and I found that if I did not speak out and went along with various ideas, I still ended up being the one who got into trouble! It was as they say, ‘trouble just always found me!’

So back to this loneliness business. From the time I found myself alone with a 14 month old daughter, I began looking at the ‘Personal Ads.’ (This inspired my novel) I was almost 22 years old. In those days there was no help for single mothers and I needed to fall in love with a man quickly, so that it was possible to set up home and keep my child. My impulsiveness was the cause of my being in this condition. The father of my child, made it impossible to live with him, due to his jealous attitude. That would take too long to explain here, and belongs in my Autobiography and all the details that I have to leave out now. I was not promiscuous, but badly in need of love and for it to be constantly proved to me.

So, it was very difficult for me to even get to the first stages with men. The ones I lived with, with the intention of marrying, had some of the qualities I needed to function, either creatively, or as a woman. The two never seemed to combine, so I had the choice of one or the other. I could not put up with not having the complete package. Even though I was not so sure that what I needed even existed. They, (whoever they are?) say, that opposites attract. Depends what opposites are being thought of. Mostly ‘opposites’ do not last that long together. There is always the inevitable clash of the titans.

I have such a strong independent streak and am such a free spirit, but, I longed for the man who would make me want to depend on him. Who would make my spirit feel free, just by being with him. I needed to feel that, no matter what decision I made about a situation, that if I could not decide on the right thing to do, that I would literally be able to accept the decision being made for me. That would be the kind of man I could really imagine staying with, for the rest of my life. Not to have this kind of faith in a partner, meant I just had to move on. Not particularly to the next man, but to being in a position where I did not have to accept a partner that I did not have enough faith in. But, to be on my own. Where nothing was expected of me and I in return, could not expect anything from them. My Autobiography will explain the details of the strange relationships I have been through.

None were boring due to some kind of action going on. I learned something from each of them and in return, taught them a few things. Some learned nothing, as they turned out to have the most massive ego’s. These men were the ones who tried to make me lose my confidence, which always appears larger than it really is. Through the ‘Personal Ads’ in London, I found my 8th relationship, he was called Lambo. It was in 1985. He was a wonderful, kind, educated (ex public school) Architect, just a couple of years older than me. I had already lost my children by then, but I needed a man to look after me, so that I would not be harassed, by still being ‘available.’ I had had to leave some of the places where I was living, as I had stalkers, who would not take no for an answer and had practically camped outside my door. (That is why I have moved home 117 times now, all documented)

This remarkable man, Lambo, had fallen for me and knew that I just liked him very much, but he was still prepared to look after me, without expecting anything back, except my company. I moved in with him, into his 9 bed-roomed mansion in Ascot, an extremely expensive area to live in. I was given my own apartment at the top of the house. It was totally self-contained with a spare guestroom. I set up my recording studio and spent most of my time writing songs. Lambo only interrupted me with meals, as I never cooked for myself even though I had my own kitchen. He gave parties for me, introduced me to influential people who could help to further my career and let me have my musician friends stay over, after we had been rehearsing. Some had to stay in his bedrooms, if there were more than could go into my guestroom, but, he enjoyed the fun and the music.

Lambo had been in a ‘Skiffle Band,’ when he was younger, playing guitar and harmonica, so he used to join in regularly. I met many celebrities and was taken to very upmarket restaurants and clubs. But, even after 3 years with him, I could not fall in love with him. I loved him dearly as a friend only, so I would not accept his proposal of marriage. He decided he would market me, in his words as an 'all round entertainer.' He said he wanted to see me have the fame, he thought I deserved. I would not let him do too much financially, as I did not think it was fair, in case he took chances and lost money on me.

We lived opposite the very famous, in the UK anyway, group called ‘Five Star.’ They all had Maserati’s, Lambourgini’s etc. I would watch from over our wall, as their Tour Bus would come for them. Their fans would be waiting outside their gates and I would feel desolate. I knew that it should have been me in such a terrific position. (My Autobiography tells of why it never happened that big for me.

Anyway, after just over 3 years, living wonderfully (though without the physical. Lambo had got used to this arrangement) my mother became ill with cancer of the tongue. I was so afraid for her. I moved near to her out in the countryside, as Lambo was good enough to buy me a huge 3 bed roomed flat. We continued to stay friends.

In 1991, nearly a year after my mother had died (and not from the cancer either!) I had a near fatal car crash in my fantastic Datsun 280 ZX Targa Turbo sports car. (Yes, I am very much into cars) Firemen took over two and a half hours to cut me out of the car. A woman driver had crashed into my drivers door at over a 100 miles an hour. The firemen and police worked that out by the length of her skid marks! On release from hospital, I was told that due to my back muscles, my spine had been prvented from snapping! So I was very lucky that I could hardly walk, for two years, without having to stop and lean on something for as long as it took the pain to go away, as my hip and two lumber vertebrae had been damaged. (Long story here) So I lived on my own, in this flat, by the sea, for six years or so. Quite a recluse for most of those years. However, I wrote quite a few songs at the time.

I then moved on, to a 3 bed roomed house with plenty of space and private gardens. After being there a year, painting the walls lilac, pastel blue and cerise, and most of the furniture to match, an electrician I had phoned, called to fix a guitar problem. When he had sorted out the problem for me, the man, Bob, asked me to join him for a walk by the sea and for something to eat and as I had hardly been out for a year, thought it would be nice. Then not long afterwards, about our third dinner date, I saw supernatural things, happening in my house and this lead to me asking this ‘electrician,’ (who had had many business’s of his own, but had lost everything through his previous two divorces.) to help get rid of these 'things.' Bob had been previously talking to me of 'healing' and various Wiccan spiritual goings on. Wicca, is the oldest religion and they beleive in Goddesses of Nature. (They are usually very good people, only intent on helping others) He had then admitted to me of his, being a witch in a coven,

(a white witch of course) He suggested coming to stay in the guestroom, to protect me and the house. Bob, burned a long tapering candle every day and moved his ‘altar’ and Goddess figurine into the room with him. He did stop the bad goings on. Although we were just friends, he said he loved me and wanted to marry me. I honestly told him how I felt and he said no matter, as I would grow to love him. For some strange reason, maybe the candle burning ritual did it, I married him. We also had the witches wedding ceremony, called, ‘hand fasting.’ This was in November, in the middle of the night, in some woods in Cheltenham, England. It was very pretty and magical sitting around a huge bonfire, which kept us warm. All the witches from his coven were there and wearing their cloaks. I felt as if I were in a movie, not real life at all. The blessings, and various ceremonies carried out, were lovely actually. Obviously, I did not take it as seriously as Bob and the coven did, but it was so different and unconventional and that always appeals to me. Shortening this very much, I shall say that he always stayed in his room and I, in mine. It was just companionship, with me helping him start a new business. Through my past secretarial skills.

(We never did consummate the marriage, he had a ‘medical’ problem anyway) Gradually I became ill. Very ill. Specialists were at a loss at how to help me. The reasons will be clear in my Autobiography.

I survived for five years, with my health getting worse, before I got the strength to make him leave. I found out through his secretary he had become a millionaire, through buying various properties and through all the help I gave him, from home, even while I was so ill! But, Bob had treated me very kindly, taking me to the hospitals for tests and geting my prescriptions, of which I could never have done myself. But, he had deceived me incredibly pretending we only had a few peoperties, and then not even in my name! The secretary thought, obviously, that as his wife, I must have been consulted about the financial decisions and dealings. Bob had been living off of my money, regarding everything except when we went out, or took some holidays. I was conned!

Miraculously, I got healthier, within a month of his absence! Those candles that had been burning constantly in his room for all of the five years, had now stopped. (Also, I was not eating the food he had been preparing for me! I felt my spirit become free and well. If that is a co-incidence or not, it still was amazing. During the marriage I had put on so much weight, probably through being so unhappy that I was snacking all the time, on very fattening delicious snacks he brought back for me.

Now, I began to lose the weight easily. About a third of my weight came off, without my even trying, but I made sure to do my exercises, and found the energy again to be able do them. So I actually managed to get in good shape, very quickly. But, I found out that it was NOT a good idea to make an enemy of a witch, and now, he is a ‘high priest.’..............

After my divorce from Bob had come through and I had been alone for a year, Paul Bruce came into my life! I will end this part BIO story, excerpt here and continue with it in my proper Autobiography. (I may even add it to the excerpts in my partially written book story, in this site.)

I have come to realize that many have read my Poetry, but not that many, have read my BIO page here.

Why don't you check up on who the writer is? Are you not as nosey as I am? I always need to know more about the author, if I like the way their mind works! The way they write an article, story, or a poem. BUT, why won't the readers of my poetry, of which I have fantastic hits/stats/interest, tell me when/if /how it moves them?

Also, IF, 'READERS' to this site are reading anything of mine, opposed to Authors, they NEVER write any reviews for me. Well, I have had about three 'readers' who have given me reviews. Mainly, reviews and messages are from Authors and mostly the same ones who always bother to say a few words. (For which I am grateful, as I would have none otherwise!) Thank you, my few 'obvious' followers!

I wonder if the things I write, are too different to what they expect? I hope it isn't opening wounds from their pasts? Does my 'openess' surprise? After all, I am writing about my life! And yes, it is controversial at times. Oh well, that's me. Different. I know that I am a very 'unorthodox' writer. I wish I had the time to read many of the other writers on this site, but I have so much to get done and not enough hours.

Maybe, I need to get famous in the States first, before I will be as 'one of the accepted.' (I do have great things in 'the bag' going on though, which I shall reveal when they come to fruition!) I was called 'eccentric' in the UK. Strangely though, I do get a lot of emails (from readers and authors, complimenting me on my writings and in sharing my hardships)

EXCERPTS HAVE ALREADY BEEN ADDED TO MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY, 'The Conflicts and Struggles in the Life of Donni-Jay De-Ville'Hope that you will read it. It's hellish trying to write a Synopsis of this book as there is too much going on and the Synopsis ends up like a short story! There is so much to tell, it will probably cover at least three books. For, in my life, if the details are left out, most of it won't make any sense as circumstances and incidents are all tied in with each other. Some of it, people will find hard to believe, and I know they will hope that it isn't true, as it would lead them to start suspecting too many things. You've heard that saying, 'truth is stranger than fiction'. In my case, that is definitely true!...........

But others will know, as they have gone through these things, even though they would not speak out, for the fear of not being believed. Already I have said too much!! BUT, my introduction is true. My past Psychiatrists have stated that I am not insane and because of the kind of mind I have, I never will be, after what I've seen. Never matter what I have been through! (No I am not being dramatic, as you will eventually find out)

Yes, I have got an Equity card (about to get a SAG Actors card) and have been in various parts in films and television, but I have only been an 'extra', what they call a 'walk-on', I do not 'act', and prefer to do voive-overs and commercials. In the UK, I did a dancing commercial for Pimm's No 1.

I can only be myself. I can only play character roles, which means parts where I can be myself, and that is just as a charismatic singer/dancer as I will not take roles that include nudity or simulating making love.

Even my 'fiction' stories, and my novel 'Into the Lyons Den' with all the songs and poems, I have written about my emotions and and those I knew or still know. The stories are recognizable by those who know me. Life has made me a total contradiction. That is to say I have seen too many sides to life. Sides that should not have been seen and this has made it possible for me to be able to put myself in almost anyone's position, but it can be too much for a human being. Although I am very outgoing and an extrovert, I am also very reclusive!

'Paul Bruce', for those of you who don't know, is a bestselling Author, who became my husband. ( I am now divorced from him.) We never even managed a year together! Whilst with him, he took away all my confidence and made me feel much less of a woman. He thought it was too late for me to have greater success in my music career, or as an author. He also said that I was wasting my time 'writing,' as he was the 'bestseller' in the family. I even stopped writing songs, singing and playing guitar. (His attempts to play the drums I had bought for him, lasted for one week!)

Now for those of you who have read his book or his pages, here at Authors Den, must realize, that on the spiritual level, we were thrown together for a reason. Or for two good reasons. One was for me to save him and the other was for him to be able to save me. This is what I had thought, but it turned out that I could only save him by destroying myself and building him up into the big hero he thought he was and should have had great acclaim for. I kid you not!

We both had a self-destruct button...(I have since disabled mine!) We both find it hard to be part of the world. I am outwardly the very sociable entertainer and natural story teller (of things I know about only) but I live in a bubble of a world of my own making. Others like myself are probably doing the very same thing. I personally dislike television, newspapers or anything that can bring horrid news into my world. (If I can do nothing to change it or help, then why should I suffer through the knowledge of what mankind is doing to each other?) I am talking about injustices. Great big rolliking injustices that will continue for as long as this world exists. And before you even think of it, I am not on drugs (only prescribed ones) I do not drink alcohol. Never have, hate it. The effects and the taste.

I am also an insomniac. I have been trying to let you know me, without being able to tell you properly about me, what happened, how many times it happened, how I can feel so extremely happy, but so griefstricken at the same time...I had to be strong for Paul, (he was always so quiet and non-communicative, so I always felt so alone.) After the break up, I had the opportunity to make another one of those huge gambles. I am used to making them, but it may be my best decision, or it could have been the worst possible...

I did undergo one hell of an amount of turmoil and the problems seemed unsurmountable. Since being in America and being married again, with various issues sorted through attorneys, I am able to pursue my entertainment career in the way I was not able to do in the past. With 'Rocky' to help) the road will be good to travel. It will be because of our wonderful relationship and being real 'soulmates,' that we will win out in the end. I hope to put his photo in here soon as he's gorgeous and muscular, looking very young at 47 and highly intelligent! (He is also a brilliant drummer and soon to be percussionist!!)

I have been struggling against illness, all this time and now know it is due to a stomach condition called 'Gastric Volvulus' My stomach rotates in the most acrobatic way. It causes much distress and some pain. It was first discovered in 1986, when I had a barium meal. Although I took this account written by the radiologist, of the x-rays taken, to many doctors, they all thought it could not be too bad as I was managing to live with it! HUH!! So much for me not being a cry baby, no-one takes you seriously! The condition practically debilitated me, but a brilliant surgeon in the US has operated and I am very well indeed now. Getting ready for my launch in the year 2006. The whole new life has been very scary. Real life for me has always been that way. My Autobiography will be putting myself, as well as many others on trial. I have to be strong enough to handle it. I am getting it done in every spare minute I have. I'm just saying, have an open mind and try to 'understand', even though my life is/has been very complex and confusing because of the issues and cicumstances which are involved. Please feel that I have shared something very private with you all. My spirit!..............................

Please continue to read on. The rest is calm (I think) and has been written before I added the above piece which you have just read......................

After leaving school, having many jobs and then becoming a nurse, I entered show business accidently. In between this, I kept diaries. Very handy, especially as I am writing my autobiography.

Names will be changed 'to protect the not-so-innocent', as some of the people involved in my life, are well known, and can easily be recognised! Some are even brave enough to say that I can name them!

My career, and, being the type of person I am, has lead me to experience the equivalent of three lives in one! I tend to say what I think, and have usually got into trouble for it, but that does not stop me! 'Things', just always seem to happen to me, and I have spent my life getting into, or escaping from, one calamity after another, but even the tragic sides had their hilarious moments!

I look back and enjoy the near misses and encounters I have had, with no regrets. It has all made me who I am! Though called 'eccentric', I call myself 'worldly', and now is the time to stop being an 'adrenaline junkie', and write about my experiences, which many people, male and female, can relate to.

How I came through it all, is a wonder to all who know me! I have been educated, but I write the way I talk and think. So as you can see, I am not at all conventional!

I think this is the place to say, that it did not work out for Paul and me! On Monday the 8th of December 2003, with orders from me Paul went back to his own home (which I sensibly said he should keep on) and has subsequently gone back on the booze! Evidently, his weakness proved greater than any love he may have thought he had for me. I was not enough to keep him away from it, and while he had lived with me, could not change his cold emotions, or make him try to be more communicative. It's over! It hurts! I could not save him, it remains to be seen if I can save myself!
again!

It is the 26th December 2003, I have spent it alone, except for the occasional company of Shell and Bob, my ex husband, who popped in to see me, Support from Patty Eichler and some from Claywoman and the constant messenging and phone calls from Rocky, (who I had just got to know, over the internet) which was lovely. I have got through well enough, and feel optimistic about the future! Paul hopes to sort his head out and is working hard. (probably a good thing I am not around to disturb him!) We shall just see what happens now. I hope we can learn to be friends at least.

It became impossible to stay friends and as the drink took hold of Paul, he has become very bitter and turned into someone I do not know. Sadly, he has made my life hell, through constant communication, through text messages and letters, all with the intent to upset me, or goad me into contact with him. I have not risen to the bait, but he has destroyed any feelings, I might have had for him. Now I am avoiding him completely and shall start a totally new life.

I am making plans to leave England and try my luck in America!

Me now!


Who would have imagined at this age, that I would still have such a strong survival instinct, but I have and shall make my dreams come true? With what is going on now, it is very likely, believe me and I am amazed at my luck, in what I have been offered.
I shall give the details, when I am actually 'living' my plans, but I shall update my Bio, so that I can share it with you all.

UPDATE; APRIL 2004

After bumping into Paul Bruce and seeing how ill he was, I just had to become friends with him again. This time we really talked, and communicated for real. It was good. Rocky (now my manager) had come to stay for a few weeks from Chicago and to take me back to check out the opportunities.

It was agreed with Rocky that we take Paul into my house, and help nurse him back to being able to look after himself again. We took him to the doctor and so on. I worried so much as this time, Paul had nearly managed to kill himself. I needed to keep putting off the date to go to Chicago, as Paul was still too ill to go home, but, eventually I managed to leave my house. He stayed on with the intention of sending some of my luggage on to me if I needed it.

We all remained friends and shall be staying so now, that we have sorted out a few things. We were in contact over the ocean every day and Paul was getting back to his normal strong healthy self, working out with the weights in my gym!

UPDATE; 7th August 2004

Well, I thought Paul and I were friends, BUT, he started to drink yet again, (even after all we had done for him and renaging on his promise never to drink.) Yes, he even started the abuse and insults all over again. Every day it was something horrible, just to upset me. Telephone calls and texts. All saying the same abusive things and twisting everything I had done for him. Sometimes trying to talk about terrorists and the war.

Even though our divorce had come through on the 23rd of June, he still acted as if I was his wife and thought he could continue to insult me, basically because I was capable of leaving such a 'hero' such as him. (His own words) During the marriage he proudly said that my marrying him, was the greatest thing I ever did.

He texted and phoned Rocky, telling him similar things, and tried to break us up. Also, Rocky got the same babbling from Paul about how he, (Paul) had saved so many lives by killing terroists, and that he was angry no-one knew how much he had so-called done for his country. We both realised he had finally gone over the top.

Rocky hid much of his abusive contact from me, as for a while, he was going to promote Paul's movie and second book. We had tried to keep it all business-like, but Paul kept changing the goalposts.

Also, Rocky could see that Paul's mind was extremely disturbed and very irrational. His bitterness for all that had gone wrong with him, was directed at me.

Eventually, due to Paul's irresponsibility and his babbling like an idiot, while totally inebriated, Rocky sent him a letter to terminate all contact. I also sent him a letter to let him know he had killed any love I might have had for him, and that I wanted nothing more to do with him ever.

There is very much more to say, believe me, but I shall have to come back in here, as soon as I get some time. I have been busy and so has Rocky. Already we have a corporation up and just starting to run! My Calendar of sensual and artistically erotic photos (of me!) will be ready in time for next New Year and both my books will be ready for sale soon. Will tell more very soon. Keep an eye on this here space!

If you want to see a photo of my Rocky, look at my poetry, entitled 'Soulmates do Exist' and you will see who I am very much in love with and intending to spend the rest of my life with.

On first coming to the States:

I have been watching this, and there has been some fantastic talent on here. A million times better, than the so-called talent we normally have there in England! But, I have since found out through much research, and music watching of bands and the ones performing on television talk shows which have the most average, and untalented 'groups.' It seems there are so many musicians of reasonable standard (some brilliant!) but most of the frontmen, don't even project when they sing! The girls don't usually do any better either, they can't even dance or look as if they are enjoying themselves. The bands in general, in England are of a much higher standard, but the opportunites are far less, than they are here. It seems America is desperate to find new talent all the time, and they are slightly 'ageist' as in the UK., but not as bad.
AMERICA!

For now I can say, "I LOVE CHICAGO!" Definitely my kind of town! Made So many new friends already! Well, bye for now, just a brief absence.

I hope you will all grow to understand my personality, and appreciate my honesty, even when telling of things that might give me the title of being insane! All eight of my Psychiatrists, told me that I was not certifiable, so that proves I am not mad! I have been told that I am a cross between Tina Turner, Dolly Parton and Ruby Wax. (Don't let that put you off getting to know me!)

Visit me at; www.donni-jay.com