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I believe a mega dose of good old fashioned common sense will help us make positive life choices!
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Background
Information
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Thank you for visiting one of my two official websites. My other website is at: www.thejuliettegilbertassociation.com. I actually refer to it as "Juliette's website."
I am a:
- Newspaper Reporter
- Published Author
- Social Worker 28+ years
- Family Law Advocate/Volunteer 22+ years
- Former Commissoner on the Washington State Child Support Schedule Commission (an appointment by The Governor)
Educator of:
- Parental Alienation (PA)
- Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP)
- How abusers get custody of children
- Trauma bond - for better understanding of the loyalty, closeness and connection an abused child or adult child feels toward their abuser
Do you know......
Studies show that batterers are able to convince authorities that the victim is unfit or undeserving of sole custody in approximately 70% of challenged cases?
Fathers who batter mothers are two times more likely to seek sole physical custody of their children than non-violent fathers?
Founder/Executive Director
of
The Juliette Gilbert Association
for the Prevention of the Parental Abduction of Children
Books: The Fourteen Year Hour
But It Only Happened Once
First and foremost.....THANK YOU for your kind words and support. Judging from my daily mail, there is MUCH pain out there and MUCH harm/abuse being done to our children. In recent years, I have had the honor of seeing parents write books about their own stories. The key is education! We must help others to understand this journey so hopefully, their children will never have to endure this. I was the Feature Editor of my high school newspaper, when I interviewed Jimi Hendrix's family (at the time of his death) and the late, legendary Country guitarist, Chet Atkins. For two years, I wrote a monthly column for the Northwest Voice entitled Broadcast House. I interviewed and featured radio and television personalities throughout the greater Seattle area. My once sole Social Work career has taken more of a turn into Journalism. This comes with writing about today's social issues- the parental abduction of children, teen pregnancy, non-custodial parents, child custody "battles," domestic violence, etc. I always strive to help others. The Lord above me, my love for my children and The School of Life have been my greatest inspirations! I am also a better person for having known my BEST friend of 40+ years- Sheila Sharkitt of Muncie, Indiana, also Juliette Gilbert, Guitarist/Physician Jim Coleman of Nashville, TN, and Private Investigator Michael Starosky of Seattle, Washington. Although they are no longer on this earth, I always carry them in my heart.
Remembering Juliette
www.thejuliettegilbertassociation.com
June 28, 2008 marked the first anniversary of the death of Juliette Gilbert. I could not help but recall the past year and the many people who took time out of their busy lives to contact me. There were former colleagues, and close friends from one end of the world to the other. Some sent pictures. Others shared personal stories of how Juliette impacted their lives. All had one thing in common: Juliette touched their lives in a positive way. They will never forget her. I learned that she had asked for help regarding the abuse, even much earlier than I had known. Her life, actions and death serve as bold reminders that there is a lot of work to do for these children and families.
The following comment was made at Juliette's sentencing:
"In some ways it would almost be appropriate to sentence you to three years," Kitsap County Judge Karlynn Haberly told Juliette. Three years because that's how long Juliette kept her son away from his father.
My response to this:
Is "turn-about fair play?" How would this be BEST for this child? How would it make his life stable? Hadn't he been through enough? Who is really being punished here? Isn't a workable solution needed? I would have been more concerned with how these two parents were going to co-parent this child to the age of 18. Two wrongs don't always make a right.
I still shudder at the subtle alienation that occurred after Juliette returned to the U.S. and did everything “legal” she was required to do. She served time for Custodial Interference, reported to Probation, admitted she was wrong, sought counseling, obtained employment and kept trying to see her son. Why, in the two years and two months until her death, did she not see her son – even in a supervised, monitored setting? Why is parental alienation somehow more acceptable when “the professionals” do it? This is a tragedy and an outrage, yet it serves as a classic example of the depth of a mother’s love and her determination to protect her child. No one “won” so please do not send me further, ridiculous emails implying there was a winner. This was a lose-lose situation all the way around….especially for a son who will miss his mother everyday for the rest of his life.
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Accomplishments
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First book: The Fourteen Year Hour.
Second book: But It Only Happened Once.
I have continued my dedicated work for the past 22+ years, being a mother/child advocate, encouraging mediation, and upholding the rights of children to know both parents. I educate people about how abusers, alcoholics and other drug users, can legally obtain custody of children in Family Court. Many of the non-custodial mothers I have met through the years, lost custody of their children due to manipulative and controlling ex-partners/spouses. I also regularly hear from mothers, fathers and their adult children from all over the world. They request advice, ask me to tell their stories, or they just wish to tell me how apparent it is that The Lord is using me as His tool to help others. Excerpt(s) from my book have been used in testimony at The Boston Statehouse. It takes tremendous courage to write from the heart and expose one's self to the world. I can also be found on my publisher's website- publishamerica.com. If you see reference to me on any other web pages or sites- other than to sell my books through a reputable book dealer or distributor, I have no affiliation. Such misrepresenation is not authorized by Authorsden.com, my publisher, my publicist, amazon.com or any other professional service. Your best bet is to take advantage of my private message board here at Authorsden.com where information is true and accurate, and leave a message! I enjoy hearing from readers and try to personally answer all mail. I have also personally telephoned people in crisis- some of these being "high-profile" cases.
It would be an understatement to say Family Court "professionals" would not want you to talk to me. In many ways this IS an "accomplishment" because it means what is really happening- especially abusers being given custody, is being exposed.
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Additional Information
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WHO ARE ABUSERS? They can be highly educated with many credentials, prominent people in the community, people who are financially stable or wealthy, ones you would never in a million years even suspect, and ones in all professions. It is sometimes the ones we admire and respect the most, who abuse. They often do not "look" like abusers. It is that "normal" appearance and professionalism that in some ways, enable the inappropriate conduct. After all, who would believe THAT PERSON would abuse a spouse or batter anyone?
As a former non-custodial mother by default (when my attorney failed to appear in court and a "default" was entered), I felt much emotion throughout the removal of over 400 children from a polygamist sect. I felt even more emotion when it was court ordered that these children be returned. It brought many things to mind. One recurring thought has been of mothers (many of them abused) I have known who had their children removed because of false, anonymous allegations by the other parent. Children's Services argued that if they were going to err, it would be "on the side of the child." In many of these situations, there was no proof. Chances were not taken when it came to child abuse of any kind. What happened? Let's see, we have Warren Jeffs who is the leader of the sect- a felon, a pervert whose picture hangs on the walls of the compound. There are also pictures that have surfaced, of Jeffs cradling and kissing a 12 year old bride. Since he is the ultimate leader of the sect, wouldn't common sense tell us that HIS beliefs and rules are followed? There is just a COMMON SENSE factor that is missing here. Sect members adore this man who was convicted as an accomplice to rape, for forcing a 14 year old follower to marry her 19 year old cousin. Jeffs forced the 14 year old into sex. How difficult is it to understand that young girls are married off to adult men? If there is even one case of an adult male having sex with a girl, it is one too many. We have children who do not have birth certificates...ones who do not even know their identity. Don't they at least deserve this? Polygamy is illegal, so why are children returned to a place where laws are broken? If one of these sect fathers were to abuse a child, are people ignorant to believe these mothers would defend their children? How would they flee the compound, and how would they even recognize abuse in the first place? How is this possible when these women are so submissive? One evening, I watched a father on CNN who talked about his 100 children. 100! I would love to ask him to describe the favorite food of child #42. How about child #67's favorite story? What about the age when child #19 started walking? How much time last week did he spend with each of the 100 children? It is not feasible- by any stretch of the imagination, that this could be considered quality parenting. As a society, why would we deliberately send children back into a compound that puts them at risk? A botched investigation? Lack of evidence? No matter where we place the blame, we have failed these children. One in particular though, will not be returning to the compound because it is reported that she was sexually abused there. Why would children be returned to a place where someone was supposedly sexually abused? This is not as much about the rights of mothers to keep their children, as it is about the rights of children and their overall well being. Please remember this real issue in this situation. The courts no longer "err on the side of the child." Sadly, we are a long way from having zero tolerance for child sexual abuse or "suspected" abuse. The children are going home. My, how times have changed.
Joy’s Top 10 Common Sense Ideas
for a Better Life:
10. When your daughter or son is ready to walk down the aisle to get married, ask something at the last second. It does not matter if it is the most extravagant wedding in the world. Ask her or him if this is what they truly want, and give a gentle reminder that even at the last second, it is ok to change their mind. You have no idea how many divorced daughters and sons wish they had heard these words.
9. Stop trying to convince people you are a good person, and to love you. Unfortunately, we cannot "make" others care about us. Stop investing extreme energy, time, and your heart in others who could not care less about you. It sounds harsh, and yes, people and feelings sometimes do change. If contact with them is continuously stressful though, if there is mistrust, lack of respect, perpetuation of a hurtful past, etc. maybe it is time to ponder what you are really getting out of it. Is there real love and caring there….or is it just drama? Is it so stressful it makes you sick? When people genuinely care about one another, it is not a continuous hurt cycle.
8. Remember you are only one person, you can only do so much and you are human. You will be a healthier human though, if you learn to forgive, use common sense when making choices and in everyday life, accept you will make mistakes in life, plan to grow from these mistakes. and use your progress and learning experiences to help others.
7. Make a peaceful home and do your best to not allow a lot of conflict, drama and other negatives to upset the harmony of your home.
6. Prioritize who and what is important in your life and place that first.
5. If it feels like your child, you or others are being abused, it is probably true.
4. If it feels like your child, you, or others have an addiction, alcohol or other drug problem, it is probably true.
3. Learn to set boundaries. Let others know what you will stand for….and for what you will not stand.
2. Trust your intuition. Feelings do not always have to "make sense."
1. Be true to yourself
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Favorite Links
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Hostile Aggressive Parenting
This is psychological child abuse and the site is dedicated to the children who are suffering under the hands of HAP parents.
Victims of Law
LEGAL stuff galore!!! Also, unusual state-by-state cases. Intriguing website, full of important info!
Mothers of Lost Children
Assistance, support and education for mothers who have lost their children in the Family Court system.
The Natinoal Association of Non-Custodial Moms, Inc.
A support website/organization for mothers without custody.
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