Patrick A Granfors

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Let me help you smile!

    

I've never been what one might consider to be a writer. I'll pen the occasional spoof or rant in the local newspaper's opinion section. Their policy is to eventually print anything submitted assuming it is not offensive.  I have an offbeat sense of humor, often bordering a little on the dark side so I guess offensive is a relative thing. I'm not particularly well read, other than the coursework required for my geology degree 35 years ago and the occasional science fiction book.

My employment requires digesting volumes of plans and specifications and converting them into a communication product intended to speak to a variety of audiences ranging from engineers, managers, superintendents, and foremen, to owner's representatives, architects, and lawyers. The work can be a bit dry.

I lived in Alaska during the mid seventies where I started my career in construction as a geotechnical engineer on the pipeline. It was my first real job and to this date the best job I ever had. I've always loved the wilderness and during my stay I was able to travel deep into the back country where few tourists go. The views and the wildlife were just unbelievable.

Here in Southern California, wilderness takes on a whole new meaning. I find the urban sprawl and frantic pace appalling.  My wife Eileen and I have found refuge near Cape Fair, Missouri where we bought a place for our mutual retirement on Table Rock Lake, in the Mark Twain National Forest. We don't get back often enough.

I  amuse myself writing sarcasm and silliness, occasionally some real poetry. I get my motivation from my memories of Mad Magazine, National Lampoon, The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers (I'll be amazed if anybody knows who they were), and other low key forms of humor. I'm a huge fan of Andy Rooney and his dry wit. I've mulled a couple of ideas for a book or two but never put any serious effort into it.  I'm still a die hard Detroit Tiger and Lions fan. Most years it is painful. Direct TV just makes it a little easier to self inflict.

I spend a lot of time in the kitchen as I enjoy cooking a significant variety of culinary treats, some of which actually turn out to be edible.

I'm not particularly religious. Belonged to a Lutheran congregation through high school but never went back. But I respect anyone's beliefs and religions so long as they are not harmful to others.

It's the love of my life Eileen who motivated me to join the site, if nothing else just to have a place to keep my "stuff" She's been posting for quite some time now and I'm always impressed with her work even though it often hits very, very close to home. She's unique, and so am I.  An odd pair.



Birth Place: Lansing, MI USA

Accomplishments: Employee of the month, October 1981, Wismer & Becker Corporation
     



Short Stories

Strawberry Green Springs
 by Patrick A Granfors
Sage sent me a funny commentary last week. This is what came out of it. No idea what to do with it, sort of dorky, but OK how many wines and liquors can you find? Chapter one....maybe...


Transitions
 by Patrick A Granfors
Possibilities and lessons Photo:Dailymail.co.uk...


Drip Line
 by Patrick A Granfors
The results of Friday's noctunal slide show...



Poetry

Nostrildamus
 by Patrick A Granfors
Some Friday fun. Most people are familiar with Nostradamus’s famous quatrains and prophecies. But few people know he had a younger sister named Nostrildamus (loosely translated, the damsel wi...


Lunar Seasons
 by Patrick A Granfors
Seasonal lunar 5-7-5's Photo: Summer...


Alisha's 40th
 by Patrick A Granfors
Alisha, my always precocious daughter turns 40 today....


Parallax Valentine
 by Patrick A Granfors
Tis the season. To my lovely wife Eileen. Photo by: Patrick Granfors...


Dirty Poetry
 by Patrick A Granfors
Young William gets an order from mom to clean up his room....


Showdown in Shingletown
 by Patrick A Granfors
More true stuff off the newswire: Dateline: Shingletown, California 1/26/12 70 year old William Oller shot his 50 year old son William Jr last week at a local residence, while he was...


Scissors
 by Patrick A Granfors
A remnant from my mental scrapheap....


Sweet Petunia Pie
 by Patrick A Granfors
An offering from my mental kitchen....


Neptune's Trident
 by Patrick A Granfors
It's a bad idea to make Neptune angry....


Apologies to Jesus
 by Patrick A Granfors
Another countryish tune that came to me in the middle of last night and wouldn't let go. Photo:By Patrick Granfors...


Tea Cups
 by Patrick A Granfors


Limerick Election Politico
 by Patrick A Granfors
It's time to lighten up the election drudgery....


Misery Loves Company
 by Patrick A Granfors
Just another sad day in South L.A....


Hot Pursuit
 by Patrick A Granfors
Every Saturday night at the meat market....


Little Sentries
 by Patrick A Granfors
Kali and Nilla are ever vigilant around the time I get home from work. They know a belly rub and a milk bone awaits them when I walk through the door and now Kali has developed a penchant for ice cube...


Possumtown
 by Patrick A Granfors
The City Council of our little municipality of two hundred thousand or so souls decided that we needed a moniker, a slogan, a touchy-feely identifier to bind its citizens into one big happy family. T...


A Lifetime Ago
 by Patrick A Granfors
Just daydreaming.......


Darn Tootin’
 by Patrick A Granfors
Those of you with any gray hair at all, will recall this Nabisco jingle; “Yer’ darn tootin’ I like Fig Newtons” Well, this has absolutely nothing to do with that. I note here that th...


Isosceles
 by Patrick A Granfors
Just for fun I calculated my astrological birth numbers. As it turns out, I have a double digit master number of 11 (intuition) which is influenced by my birth number of 2 (peacemaker). This could exp...


The Dose
 by Patrick A Granfors


The 22.3% Miracle
 by Patrick A Granfors
Dateline: West Valley City, Utah A stray kitty that had been at a local shelter for 30 days used 2 of its 9 lives after surviving two euthanasia attempts via the gas chamber. After the secon...


A Daffodil for Silas
 by Patrick A Granfors
Something different Photo: Imageafter.com...


Suffocation
 by Patrick A Granfors
Partly inspired by a documentary about anacondas on the Animal Planet a couple of nights ago, though not exactly about them. Sometimes my alter ego sneaks out and writes something Photo:sodah...


On the eve of New Year’s Eve
 by Patrick A Granfors
Happy New Years to all my denmate friends! I am a water dragon Image:depositphotos.com...


The Day the Brewsic Died
 by Patrick A Granfors
For the first time since 1953 the New Years day Rose Parade will be without the Anheuser-Busch Clydesdale float. A spokesman for AB, now foreign owned by InBev, a Belgian Brewing conglomerate said “We...



Articles

Consequences
 by Patrick A Granfors
The consequences of a long afternoon....


Mighty Fine Stuffed Cabbage Rolls
 by Patrick A Granfors
OK. Here’s a departure from my norm that deserves special attention. I don’t normally share my cooking failures, but I’m willingly share my successes. Stuffed cabbage rolls are a definite winter time...


Phobos-Grunt Re-entry
 by Patrick A Granfors
It could happen as early as this coming Sunday....


My Second Ozark Boat Ride
 by Patrick A Granfors
Vacation thoughts about a mighty fine Ozark day. Photo: By Patrick Granfors, Cottonmouth on the lake...


Marinating on my TV
 by Patrick A Granfors
I give up...


A Penny For My Thoughts?
 by Patrick A Granfors
It currently costs the US Mint 1.8 cents to produce a penny. A nickel costs about 8 cents and a quarter costs a dime. A printed bill costs about 4 cents regardless of the denomination ...


Time for Confusion
 by Patrick A Granfors
Its about time...


Alzyisms Part 7 - Partial Reconciliation
 by Patrick A Granfors
Time marches on and so does Alzheimers...


Alzyisms - Part 6
 by Patrick A Granfors
Today is the day, live for the now...


Dateline Orlando
 by Patrick A Granfors
I have huge respect for Tiger and little respect for the parasites of the media who once again wet themselves. Still it is a shameless humor opportunity....


Alzyism's Part 5
 by Patrick A Granfors
The hill is getting steeper....


Alzyisms Part 4
 by Patrick A Granfors
Nearing the end of an eight week stint, we go on a family "vacation"...


Alzyisms Part 3
 by Patrick A Granfors
Another stint begins...


Patrick's Somewhat Amusing New Car Buyers Guide
 by Patrick A Granfors
Choose your lemon from this virtual citrus grove of the industry's finest offerings ...


Low Tech Potato Leek Soup
 by Patrick A Granfors
A Personal Favorite...


Best Onion Soup Ever
 by Patrick A Granfors
Great Soup, use an electric skillet at 375 degrees...


Living with Alzheimers (Alzyisms Part 1)
 by Patrick A Granfors
This is for anybody having to deal with a live in parent with challenges....


Alzyisms Part 2
 by Patrick A Granfors
Alzheimers isn't going away...


Plodding Along on LA's 405 Freeway
 by Patrick A Granfors
For those who hate commuting...


Old news but amusing for some
 by Patrick A Granfors
My co-worker is a wolverine fan. He had his way with me(not literally) for several years. Pay back...


For Frustrated Spartans
 by Patrick A Granfors
Someday again...

 
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 Patrick A Granfors
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Member Since: May, 2009

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