Patrick A Granfors

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It's a balancing act. I love to bring humor to the world. Life's not always funny, but I have to try. I'm experimenting, so you'll find traditional poetry,romance,politics,lyrics, and even slugbait sensual. Please enjoy.

 Patrick A Granfors
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Member Since: May, 2009
    

I've never been what one might consider to be a writer. I'll pen the occasional spoof or rant in the local newspaper's opinion section. Their policy is to eventually print anything submitted assuming it is not offensive.  I have an offbeat sense of humor, often bordering a little on the dark side so I guess offensive is a relative thing. I'm not particularly well read, other than the coursework required for my geology degree 35 years ago and the occasional science fiction book.

My employment requires digesting volumes of plans and specifications and converting them into a communication product intended to speak to a variety of audiences ranging from engineers, managers, superintendents, and foremen, to owner's representatives, architects, and lawyers. The work can be a bit dry.

I lived in Alaska during the mid seventies where I started my career in construction as a geotechnical engineer on the pipeline. It was my first real job and to this date the best job I ever had. I've always loved the wilderness and during my stay I was able to travel deep into the back country where few tourists go. The views and the wildlife were just unbelievable.

Here in Southern California, wilderness takes on a whole new meaning. I find the urban sprawl and frantic pace appalling.  My wife Eileen and I have found refuge near Cape Fair, Missouri where we bought a place for our mutual retirement on Table Rock Lake, in the Mark Twain National Forest. We don't get back often enough.

My mom lives with us. She's 77 and has mid stage Alzheimers.  We have our good days and bad like anyone else.  Fortunately I have a brother in San Jose so we can share mother in alternating stints ranging from 4-8 weeks.  We have stories, some amusing, some not, that I will share as this web page evolves. I'm sure there are many folks out there that will relate.

For relief I'll strum a six string, draw cartoons, or just amuse myself writing sarcasm and silliness. I get my motivation from my memories of Mad Magazine, National Lampoon, The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers (I'll be amazed if anybody knows who they were), and other low key forms of humor. I'm a huge fan of Andy Rooney and his dry wit. I've mulled a couple of ideas for a book or two but never put any serious effort into it. TV tends to claim more than its fair share. I'm still a die hard Detroit Tiger and Lions fan. Most years it is painful. Direct TV just makes it a little easier to self inflict.

I spend a lot of time in the kitchen as I enjoy cooking a significant variety of culinary treats, some of which actually turn out to be edible.

I'm not particularly religious. Belonged to a Lutheran congregation through high school but never went back. But I respect anyone's beliefs and religions so long as they are not harmful to others.

It's the love of my life Eileen who motivated me to join the site, if nothing else just to have a place to keep my "stuff" She's been posting for quite some time now and I'm always impressed with her work even though it often hits very, very close to home. She's unique, and so am I.  An odd pair.



Birth Place: Lansing, MI USA

Accomplishments: Not much here, a couple of plaques for getting 8 out of 9 on a keno machine
     



Short Stories

Drip Line
 by Patrick A Granfors
The results of Friday's noctunal slide show...



Poetry

Unconformity - Lite
 by Patrick A Granfors
It has been brought to my attention that I may have been a little hard on old Ma’ Nature so I decided to make her a peace offering. Anything to avoid that stray lightning bolt....


Unconformity
 by Patrick A Granfors
An unconformity is a buried erosion surface separating two rock masses or strata of different ages, indicating that sediment deposition was not continuous. In other words, a whole bunch (eons...


My Special Dog Whistle
 by Patrick A Granfors
Music to my dog's ears....


When it hurts
 by Patrick A Granfors
For Paul Berube Photo:Patrick Granfors...


TomfooleryCare
 by Patrick A Granfors
It's almost BOHICA time boys and girls Photo:Hillbilly-willy.blogspot.com...


A Four Hour Layover...At The Office
 by Patrick A Granfors
Relying on a computer is sometimes like relying on a condom.It has a tendency to fail when you need it the most. Photo:Clipartguide.com...


My Halloween Mom
 by Patrick A Granfors
My Mom and Dad on their 50th He left us in 2005 and she's never really been the same since....


Halloween Limericks - Let's have some fun
 by Patrick A Granfors
Just for fun...


Regis Roast...Medium Rare
 by Patrick A Granfors
Sorry Regis, I couldn't resist. Please enjoy. Photo:photobucket.com...


Belly of the Beast
 by Patrick A Granfors
Passing below the Golden Gate Bridge, site of many suicides Photo: Patrick Granfors...


Major Tom Returns
 by Patrick A Granfors
Northwest Flight 188 Some fields are just too fertile not to plow twice. To the tune of and adjusted lyrics of David Bowie's "Major Tom" Photo:geeks.pirillo.com ...


I Flew My Best For Old Northwest
 by Patrick A Granfors
We all need that occasional nap at 37,000 feet now don't we?...


Melancholy Afternoon
 by Patrick A Granfors
Stuck in the archives after lunch ...


Balloon Buffoon
 by Patrick A Granfors
Up Up & Away In My Beautiful Balloon Photo:Reuters...


Swimmer's Ku
 by Patrick A Granfors
Bad day on the boat Photo:Captain Van...


A Response to Ed Matlack's Vegetable Challenge
 by Patrick A Granfors
Oh, to be a string bean Photo:ThriftyFun.com...


Edvard's Gauntlet to the IIliterates
 by Patrick A Granfors
Clairvoyance has its merits. Photo:Rapidsharingindex.com...


The Looking Glass
 by Patrick A Granfors
It's just poetry. Photo:Drakesh.org...


Mom and Apple Pie
 by Patrick A Granfors
Young William Shakespeare's younger brother asks for a piece of pie. Photo:goldenstate.wordpress.com...


I Promise
 by Patrick A Granfors
Just be careful....


Cranky
 by Patrick A Granfors


Apples n' Roses
 by Patrick A Granfors
Sometimes things really are exactly as they seem. Photo:StormTiger.blogspot.com...


Jonathan Livingston Pelican.....a parody
 by Patrick A Granfors
Back to the 70's Photo: Patrick Granfors...


Cry of the Wooly Banshee
 by Patrick A Granfors
Never underestimate the determination of a hound in breakfast mode....


The Slightly Off Color Saga of Maurice
 by Patrick A Granfors
Escaping the grim(sy)for a moment...



Articles

Alzyism's Part 5
 by Patrick A Granfors
The hill is getting steeper....


Alzyisms Part 4
 by Patrick A Granfors
Nearing the end of an eight week stint, we go on a family "vacation"...


Alzyisms Part 3
 by Patrick A Granfors
Another stint begins...


Patrick's Somewhat Amusing New Car Buyers Guide
 by Patrick A Granfors
Choose your lemon from this virtual citrus grove of the industry's finest offerings ...


Low Tech Potato Leek Soup
 by Patrick A Granfors
A Personal Favorite...


Best Onion Soup Ever
 by Patrick A Granfors
Great Soup, use an electric skillet at 375 degrees...


Living with Alzheimers (Alzyisms Part 1)
 by Patrick A Granfors
This is for anybody having to deal with a live in parent with challenges....


Alzyisms Part 2
 by Patrick A Granfors
Alzheimers isn't going away...


Plodding Along on LA's 405 Freeway
 by Patrick A Granfors
For those who hate commuting...


Old news but amusing for some
 by Patrick A Granfors
My co-worker is a wolverine fan. He had his way with me(not literally) for several years. Pay back...


For Frustrated Spartans
 by Patrick A Granfors
Someday again...

 
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