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Home > Author > Etienne G DeForest
 
Etienne G DeForest

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Member Since: Dec, 2009

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  Etienne G DeForest           

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I have a roundhouse kick that chops like a machete and I write books.


Background Information

 

Some say that Etienne DeForest (deh-for-AY, for all you non-frogs) is the baddest motherfucker on the planet, while most others agree that he is kind of puny and has poorly concealed homosexual tendencies.

Etienne was raised in a military compound, deep in the Rhodesian jungle, by a single father who commanded a squadron of mercenaries specializing in the suppression of frequent zombie outbreaks occurring in remote jungle villages.

When he was 14, the boy was awakened one night by the frantic retreat of soldiers fleeing a fight gone horrifically wrong. Only after hours of agonizing pleas for an answer to where his Papa was did the soldiers of fortune tell him: His father had been claimed by the undead. Drunk with blood lust at his news, Etienne slipped away from the compound and traveled to the village where his father was slain.

E.T. (as he was lovingly called by the soldiers) stepped coldly into the village, which was still rampant with zombies and fire when he arrived. He belted screams of African curses from the depths of his intestines, while tirelessly laying waist to the ghost-like creatures with the combined power of his grief, gunpowder, and steel.

All but one of the undead were left when the child ran out of ammo and angst. As the last of the flesh-eaters approached, he recognized the monster to be his father. With tears cascading from his eyes he bellowed, “Daddy, why did you abandon me!” and proceeded to collapse what was once his father’s skull into paste with the butt of his shotgun.

The boy that arrived in the village that night to avenge his father's death died piece by piece with each creature he relentlessly executed. When the rest of the soldiers finally returned to avenge their comrades, they found only bludgeoned corpses and the silent shell that was once their beloved “E.T.” All of his innocence lost, what emerged from the jungle that night was not the same creature that entered. All that remained was a beast so full of hate that it could only consume raw meat, cooking it with the burning anger which came from within his stomach.



 

Birth Place
Lansing, MI 
Accomplishments

I used to have Chuck Norris's autograph, my Dad got it for me on an airplane when I was 12. I also changed my own oil once, that was pretty kick ass, but it costs the same as having somebody do it for you. I never did it again.



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