Scott Frederick was raised in the storeroom of a yarn factory by a roving band of free-spirited clog dancers. After getting his foot stuck in a bucket and falling headlong down a flight of cement steps, he decided to become an anthropologist. He gave up that dream shortly after discovering it required college, and instead settled down with a drunk aborigine for nearly four days. That relationship ended rather abruptly when he killed the aborigine for eating his tub of spackle.
He recently married his childhood sweetheart, a half-ball of yarn (657-Medium Avocado E-49), to whom he'd lost his virginity.
He is currently a sitting member of Congress, and is considered a war criminal in much of southeast Asia.
You can look at his book, Ye Gods!: Child Of Chaos, by clicking here. Or not.