Jonas Diesel is a struggling American writer. He was born and someday he will die. His influences include writers whose books he has read, writers whose books he has not read, and writers he has never heard of. Other influences include the children he has, the children he doesn't have, and of course, the mainstream liberal media, of which he is a huge fan. (He is also a huge fan of talking in the third person...so he's heard.) 

He is the recipient of many awards; all of them given to himself, and none of them recognized by his peers.

Jonas has been signing autographs in his home for the past three days; he will continue to do this everyday throughout the coming 2 years, after which he will retire from the autograph business, only if he has signed more than 37 autographs.