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I believe a mega dose of good old fashioned common sense will help us make positive life choices!
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Background
Information
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Thank you for visiting one of my two official websites. My other website is at: www.thejuliettegilbertassociation.com.
Published Author
Social Worker - 29 years
Former Commissioner on the Washington State Child Support Schedule Commission (an appointment by The Governor)
Advocate for non-custodial mothers and their related issues - 23 years
Child Abuse Prevention Educator - especially in regard to abusive techniques such as Parental Alienation and Hostile-Aggressive Parenting, how abusers get custody of children and Trauma Bonds
Children's Rights Advocate - for the human rights of children to know and love both parents and have them in their lives
Founder/Executive Director of The Juliette Gilbert Association for the Prevention of the Parental Abduction of Children
Former Newspaper Reporter/Correspondent - 6 years
I am familiar with all of the games, shenanigans, money flow, "Court Appointed Psychological Evaluations" Guardian Ad Litems (GALs) and other components that comprise the "Child Custody Industry." My education is priceless. I will speak of what can happen in Family Court- to warn you and increase awareness. I have been called "Family Court's worst nightmare." Family Court "professionals" would not want you to talk to me.
As one who watched in horror as a loved one was placed in the custody of an abuser, my work has purpose and personal meaning. All Guardian Ad Litems must be held accountable and responsible for their decisions, as anyone else. They are supposed to protect children- not place them in danger. The now adult "child" videotaped the abuse- which I have seen, which consisted of a baseball bat, being shoved into a sliding glass door, having a gun shot at him, being humiliated while in the shower, and being severely alienated against the other parent. The Guardian Ad Litem continuously fought to place the child in danger- quickly "choosing sides." She would only listen to one parent.- the one that had a history of violence, an explosive temper and drug addiction. She forced the child to go with the abuser for over a week. The child was so traumatized and fearful that the child did not utter a word the entire time. Ruth Gould of the King County CASA Program was the Guardian Ad Litem listed in the public court record.
Studies show that batterers are able to convince authorities that the victim is unfit or undeserving of sole custody in approximately 70% of challenged cases. (From the Mothers of Lost Children website)
Fathers who batter mothers are two times more likely to seek sole physical custody of their children than non-violent fathers. (From the Mothers of Lost Children website)
Thank you for your kind words and support. Judging from my daily mail, there is MUCH pain out there and MUCH harm/abuse being done to our children. In recent years, I have had the honor of seeing parents write books about their own stories. The key is education! We must help others to understand this journey so hopefully, their children will never have to endure this. I was the Feature Editor of my high school newspaper, when I interviewed Jimi Hendrix's family (at the time of his death) and the late, legendary Country guitarist, Chet Atkins. For two years, I wrote a monthly column for the Northwest Voice entitled Broadcast House. I interviewed and featured radio and television personalities throughout the greater Seattle area. My once sole Social Work career has taken more of a turn into Journalism. This comes with writing about today's social issues- the parental abduction of children, teen pregnancy, non-custodial parents, child custody "battles," domestic violence, etc. I always strive to help others. The Lord above me, my love for my children and The School of Life have been my greatest inspirations! I am also a better person for having known my BEST friend of 40+ years- Sheila Sharkitt of Muncie, Indiana, also Juliette Gilbert, Guitarist/Physician Jim Coleman of Nashville, TN, and Private Investigator Michael Starosky of Seattle, Washington. Although they are no longer on this earth, I always carry them in my heart.
Remembering Juliette
June 28, 2009 marked the second anniversary of the death of Juliette Gilbert. If you recall, Juliette abducted her son because she said she had to protect him from abuse. She also said she was abused, but the professionals would not "believe" her. I could not help but recall the past two years and the many people who took time out of their busy lives to contact me. There were former colleagues, and close friends from one end of the world to the other. Some sent pictures. Others shared personal stories of how Juliette impacted their lives. All had one thing in common: Juliette touched their lives in a positive way. They will never forget her. I learned that she had asked for help regarding the abuse, even much earlier than I had known. Her life, actions and death serve as bold reminders that there is a lot of work to do for these children and families.
The following comment was made at Juliette's sentencing:
"In some ways it would almost be appropriate to sentence you to three years," Kitsap County Judge Karlynn Haberly told Juliette. Three years because that's how long Juliette kept her son away from his father.
My response to this:
Is "turn-about fair play?" Some say this would be equivalent to using the child to then "punish" the mother. How would this be BEST for this child? How would it make his life stable? Hadn't he been through enough? Who is really being punished here? Isn't a workable solution needed? I would have been more concerned with how these two parents were going to co-parent this child to the age of 18. Two wrongs don't always make a right.
I still shudder at the subtle alienation that occurred after Juliette returned to the U.S. from New Zealand and did everything “legal” she was required to do. She served time for Custodial Interference, reported to Probation, admitted she was wrong, sought counseling, obtained employment and kept trying to see her son. Why, in the two years and two months until her death, did she not see her son – even in a supervised, monitored setting? Why is parental alienation somehow more acceptable when “the professionals” do it? This is a tragedy and an outrage, yet it serves as a classic example of the depth of a mother’s love and her determination to protect her child. No one “won” so please do not send me further, ridiculous emails implying there was a winner. This was a lose-lose situation all the way around….especially for a son who will miss his mother everyday for the rest of his life.
Prior to her death, Juliette was looking forward to contacting an official International Star Registry and naming a star in honor of her son.
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Accomplishments
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First book: The Fourteen Year Hour
Second book: But It Only Happened Once
My third book, Off The Papers: What The Family Court Drama Taught, is now available for puchase through amazon.com or publishamerica.com. It is a book for anyone who loves a child.
I have continued my dedicated work for the past 23 years, being a mother/child advocate, encouraging mediation, and upholding the rights of children to know both parents. I educate people about how abusers, alcoholics and other drug users, can legally obtain custody of children in Family Court. Many of the non-custodial mothers I have met through the years, lost custody of their children due to manipulative and controlling ex-partners/spouses. I also regularly hear from mothers, fathers and their adult children from all over the world. They request advice, ask me to tell their stories, or they just wish to tell me how apparent it is that The Lord is using me as His tool to help others. Excerpt(s) from my book have been used in testimony at The Boston Statehouse. It takes tremendous courage to write from the heart and expose one's self to the world. I can also be found on my publisher's website- publishamerica.com. If you see reference to me on any other web pages or sites- other than to sell my books through a reputable book dealer or distributor, I have no affiliation. Such misrepresenation is not authorized by Authorsden.com, my publisher, my publicist, amazon.com or any other professional service. Your best bet is to take advantage of my private message board here at Authorsden.com where information is true and accurate, and leave a message! I enjoy hearing from readers and try to personally answer all mail. I have also personally telephoned people in crisis- some of these being high-profile cases.
By Joy Henley
I Always Wondered…
if you knew you were the only child who arrived at daycare with fresh, piping hot biscuits from the oven
if you knew your hair smelled so good when you arrived at daycare that the daycare provider often remarked, “I could sit here all morning and smell his hair- it smells so good from the Baby Magic Bath”
if you knew finger painting is supposed to be fun but you must be extra cautious to not drop a few spots of paint…you know what will happen
if you were allowed to ever wear the cute Osh Kosh overalls again
if your box of crayons on the first day of kindergarten was large enough
if you had boots and furry mittens for the snowy days
if you still believed in Santa like your mom
if you were allowed a birthday cake with candles and could make your own, private wish
what you want to be when you grow up
what it would be like to bake sugar cookie Christmas trees, bells and snowflakes together while “White Christmas” played in the background
what it would feel like to giggle and wiggle our toes in the ocean sand
if one of the many cards I sent you, or calls I made, somehow, miraculously, reached you.
if your sheets were clean
if you learned to fall asleep on cue because he said to do it
if you ever awakened to a day when empty beer bottles were not scattered on the floor
if you were encouraged to drink beer so partiers in the home could ridicule your inebriated actions
if you could soar down the park slide and forget last night’s beating for a split second
if you realized when I washed your hair under the faucet, I was not really trying to drown you- as you were told
if you understood baseball bats really are for playing sports and not for swinging and threatening others with harm
if I were to give you the birthday and Christmas gifts at 18 that I saved from your pre-school years, would you laugh at me?
if you had a secret place within you where only you alone could access your feelings, heart and love for a mom you pretended to hate – to survive
if there were a trace of me embedded in your memory
I always wondered…
a mother is allowed to do this.
Joy’s Top 10 Common Sense Ideas
for a Better Life
10. When your daughter or son is ready to walk down the aisle to get married, ask something at the last second. It does not matter if it is the most extravagant wedding in the world. Ask her or him if this is what they truly want, and give a gentle reminder that even at the last second, it is ok to change their mind. You have no idea how many divorced daughters and sons wish they had heard these words.
9. Stop trying to convince people you are a good person, and to love you. Unfortunately, we cannot "make" others care about us. Stop investing extreme energy, time, and your heart in others who could not care less about you. It sounds harsh, and yes, people and feelings sometimes do change. If contact with them is continuously stressful though, if there is mistrust, lack of respect, perpetuation of a hurtful past, etc. maybe it is time to ponder what you are really getting out of it. Is there real love and caring there….or is it just drama? Is it so stressful it makes you sick? When people genuinely care about one another, it is not a continuous hurt cycle.
8. Remember you are only one person, you can only do so much and you are human. You will be a healthier human though, if you learn to forgive, use common sense when making choices and in everyday life, accept you will make mistakes in life, plan to grow from these mistakes. and use your progress and learning experiences to help others.
7. Make a peaceful home and do your best to not allow a lot of conflict, drama and other negatives to upset the harmony of your home.
6. Prioritize who and what is important in your life and place that first.
5. If it feels like your child, you or others are being abused, it is probably true.
4. If it feels like your child, you, or others have an addiction, alcohol or other drug problem, it is probably true.
3. Learn to set boundaries. Let others know what you will stand for….and for what you will not stand.
2. Trust your intuition. Feelings do not always have to "make sense."
1. Be true to yourself.
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Additional Information
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WHO ARE ABUSERS? They can be highly educated with many credentials, prominent people in the community, people who are financially stable or wealthy, ones you would never in a million years even suspect, and ones in all professions. It is sometimes the ones we admire and respect the most, who abuse. They often do not "look" like abusers. It is that "normal" appearance and professionalism that in some ways, enable the inappropriate conduct. After all, who would believe THAT PERSON would abuse a spouse or batter anyone?
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Favorite Links
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Hostile Aggressive Parenting
This is psychological child abuse and the site is dedicated to the children who are suffering under the hands of HAP parents.
Victims of Law
LEGAL stuff galore!!! Also, unusual state-by-state cases. Intriguing website, full of important info!
The National Association of Non-Custodial Moms, Inc.
A support website/organization for mothers without custody.
New Release/Book - Off The Papers: What The Family Court Drama Taught
My new release, Off The Papers: What The Family Court Drama Taught, can be ordered here. My previous book, But It Only Happened Once, can also be ordered through this website.
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