so to get your point, if one apple is bad, all the apples in the tree are bad too? if you go thru life with the fear that anyone that comes near you will harm you, then i guess that’s why you take all the wrong steps, if you start on the wrong foot you’ll end for sure exactly the same. i don't say that it’s bad to be safe but in order to feel love or be loved you have to be free not trapped in your own life, prisonier in your own past, taking all the bad things that happen to you like a punishment will never solve anything but do just worse.
let the mistakes round your edges, your colors, because only that way you will be able to taste life, feelings and love itself again, otherwise you will be just another pixel painted in the veil of your such called life without sense nor shades of happiness, some transparent rainbow of guilt, fear and selfishness.
spread your wings and be free!
no matter how much it lasts!