I believe a mega dose of good old fashioned common sense will help us make positive life choices!
Welcome to my only website on the Internet!
If you see reference to me on any other websites or pages - other than reputable book sellers/dealers or distributors promoting my work, I have no affiliation. As my work involves delicate, sensitive, issues pertaining to Child Custody, Child Abuse, Alienation, Mental Health and others, these are painful, passionate, emotional issues that can sometimes enrage people. I am vocal, I name names and as I was recently reminded...we cannot always be popular when we speak out and tell the truth. I have no desire to be popular, however I do wish to save even one child from the financial profits and abuse of the "Child Custody Industry." Please feel free to take advantage of my private Message Board here on AuthorsDen.com where information is accurate and true. Leave me a message...I enjoy hearing from readers and try to personally answer all mail. I have also telephoned people in crisis- some of these situations being high-profile cases.
Social Worker - 33 years
Former Commissioner on the Washington State Child Support Schedule Commission (an appointment by The Governor)
Advocate for non-custodial mothers and their related issues - 27 years
Educator of Severe Parental Alienation - 27 years
Child Abuse Prevention Educator - especially in regard to abusive techniques such as Parental Alienation and Hostile-Aggressive Parenting, how abusers get custody of children and Trauma Bonds
Children's Rights Advocate - for the human rights of children to know and love both, fit parents and have them in their lives
Former Newspaper Reporter/Correspondent - 6 years
I believe that Maternal Alienation is the ultimate hate crime against mother and child. False allegations of abuse are abuse. I believe an alienating home is an abusive home.
I am familiar with all of the games, shenanigans, money flow, "Court Appointed Psychological Evaluations" Guardian Ad Litems (GALs) and other components that comprise the "Child Custody Industry." My education is priceless. I will speak of what can happen in Family Court- to warn you and increase awareness. I have been called "Family Court's worst nightmare." Family Court "professionals" would not want you to talk to me.
As one who watched in horror as a loved one was placed in the custody of an abuser, my work has purpose and personal meaning. All Guardian Ad Litems must be held accountable and responsible for their decisions, as anyone else. They are supposed to protect children- not place them in danger. The now adult "child" videotaped the abuse- which I have seen, which consisted of his father swinging a baseball bat at him. There were also incidents that involved being shoved into a sliding glass door, having a gun shot at him, being humiliated while in the shower, and being severely alienated against the other parent. The Guardian Ad Litem continuously fought to place the child in danger- quickly "choosing sides." She would only listen to one parent.- the one that had a history of violence, an explosive temper and drug addiction. She forced the child to go with the abuser for over a week and the child was so traumatized and fearful that he did not utter a word the entire time. The mother was forced to comply with this or the Guardian Ad Litem said she would get a court order to put the child in the abuser's care. The abuser eventually obtained full custody. Ruth Gould of the King County CASA Program was the Guardian Ad Litem listed in the public court record.
You may have heard the word, "Psychopsema." Malicious Social Workers commit this orchestrated assault (or oganized crime) by utilizing various methods of fraud and psychological operations. This is done by falsifying reports of child abuse, CPS workers getting with their colleagues and creating "evidence" to "validate" their false claims and other means. Ask any parent of false allegations...this has occurred for years now. You can learn more through many links on-line.
Another term gaining focus is, Narcissistic Abuser. This person has a sense for superiority, a need for admiration, a need to always be right and a lack of empathy. They have an exaggerated belief in their own superiority, value or importance which is what therapists refer to as "grandiosity." This can be expressed in very overt ways or in more subtle, covert ways. They often have two faces. One is shown only to those they are closest to in intimate relationships. This is the inconsiderate, self-important, abusive one. Another- often the exact opposite, is known to everyone else. They are extremely concerned with and expend alot of effort keeping up this outward appearance of themselves. One can abandon a Narcissist but the Narcissist is slow to abandon his victim. He is there- lurking, stalking, (even on the Internet) twisting and distorting with no respite, lacking in compassion, empathy and conscience, all the time, feeling in power and control. He will harm your loved ones and not blink an eye. He does not care who the loved one is...if that person is close to you, it will hurt YOU. This is the name of the game. It feels so good- similar to a "high" on drugs. He loves nothing more than to have a "will or contest of emotional strategies, games and drama." Some Narcissists are also Psychopaths and Sadists. He will act as a coward because he rarely sees anyone in person and avoids confrontation. His "power" can come from setting behind a computer monitor and controlling the lives of others. He can disconnect Life Support at a hospital across the country- ordering someone to die "via phone order"- over the computer. This can be a nightmare for targeted parents whose children were taught to hate them in child custody "battles." People are smitten with his supposed charm and concern. There are several ways he is enabled in accomplishing the removal of Life Support on your loved one.
There is no National Database that tracks Power of Attorneys. While a Power of Attorney may have been in place for your loved one for years, the Narcissistic Abuser can obtain one across the country with two signatures on a form (one of the signatures can be the Notary herself or the patient himself...who unfortunately has Alzheimer's and is not capable of giving consent).
In many states, no court appearance is required to get Power of Attorney over the life of another human being. It merely requires a Notarized form. The Narcissistic Abuser may not have seen the ill person since childhood. He can gain complete control of every aspect of the person's life, prior to and after death.
There is no background check. Anyone with "an ax to grind," or with Narcissitic Abuser traits, history of domestic violence, drugs and mental health issues, etc. can obtain one without even being seen. They will just come out of nowhere...
A hospital can put your loved one to death, with the "latest" Power of Attorney form. This person can even order "No Visitors" for your loved one and you will, for example, not be allowed to even see your father or mother. You also cannot call to see if the parent even made it through the night because the Narcissitic Abuser changes the "Family Password" you created, with the hospital.
What can you do? 1. We desperately need a National Database for tracking these Power of Attorneys. Yes, it is a huge project, however, it starts with one step: contacting lawmakers in your area. If a lawmaker wishes to speak with me, I will be happy to do so. 2. Consult an attorney and get your legal affairs in order- specifically naming people who will and will not be allowed near you at the time of illness/pending death. Give this paperwork to a trusted family member. Advise others in the family to do the same. 3. If you must "let go" of a family member and love him or her from a distance, do it. For your safety and that of your loved ones.
We teach others how to treat us. My message is about taking care of YOU! If you are caught up in a continuous cycle of abuse with someone who has harmed you and your family for years or decades, it may be time to move on. Toxic relationships that make us ill are not healthy and none of us can reason with an addicted or crazy person. That point when one realizes she or he cannot (and will not) continue in the hate and drama is different for each person. I promise you it will be a profound moment when you get there. How do you leave? It begins with one step forward...
It can be healthy to decide to never again, give another ounce of one's energy or self to the hate and drama. Endings, healing, closure and moving on are often healthy...when we decide to move on, we learn that we are free!
Studies show that batterers are able to convince authorities that the victim is unfit or undeserving of sole custody in approximately 70% of challenged cases. (From the Mothers of Lost Children website)
Fathers who batter mothers are two times more likely to seek sole physical custody of their children than non-violent fathers. (From the Mothers of Lost Children website)
Thank you for your kind words and support. Judging from my daily mail, there is MUCH pain out there and MUCH harm/abuse being done to our children. In recent years, I have had the honor of seeing parents write books about their own stories. The key is education! We must help others to understand this journey so hopefully, their children will never have to endure this. The Lord above me, my love for my children and The School of Life have been my greatest inspirations!
Through my enormous grief, I celebrate the reconciliation my father and I timely experienced, prior to his June 4, 2010 death. I give the glory for this to God! It was a journey that humbled me beyond words. A dear friend told me at the time, to remember that love transcends all. This is so true. I am also a better person for having known my BEST friend of 40+ years- Sheila Sharkitt of Muncie, Indiana, also Juliette Gilbert, Diane Ferguson, Guitarist/Physician Jim Coleman of Nashville, TN, and Private Investigator Michael Starosky of Seattle, Washington. Although they are no longer on this earth, I always carry them in my heart.
June 28, 2012 marked the fifth anniversary of the death of Juliette Gilbert. If you recall, Juliette abducted her son because she said she had to protect him from abuse. She also said she was abused, but the professionals would not "believe" her. I cannot help but recall the past five years and the many people who took time out of their busy lives to contact me. There were former colleagues, and close friends from one end of the world to the other. Some sent pictures. Others shared personal stories of how Juliette impacted their lives. All had one thing in common: Juliette touched their lives in a positive way. They will never forget her. I learned that she had asked for help regarding the abuse, even much earlier than I had known. Her life, actions and death serve as bold reminders that there is a lot of work to do for these children and families.
The following comment was made at Juliette's sentencing:
"In some ways it would almost be appropriate to sentence you to three years," Kitsap County Judge Karlynn Haberly told Juliette. Three years because that's how long Juliette kept her son away from his father.
My response to this:
Is "turn-about fair play?" Some say this would be equivalent to using the child to then "punish" the mother. How would this be BEST for this child? How would it make his life stable? Hadn't he been through enough? Who is really being punished here? Isn't a workable solution needed? I would have been more concerned with how these two parents were going to co-parent this child to the age of 18. Two wrongs don't always make a right.
I still shudder at the subtle alienation that occurred after Juliette returned to the U.S. from New Zealand and did everything “legal” she was required to do. She served time for Custodial Interference, reported to Probation, admitted she was wrong, sought counseling, obtained employment and kept trying to see her son. Why, in the two years and two months until her death, did she not see her son – even in a supervised, monitored setting? Why is parental alienation somehow more acceptable when “the professionals” do it? This is a tragedy and an outrage, yet it serves as a classic example of the depth of a mother’s love and her determination to protect her child. No one “won” so please do not send me further, ridiculous emails implying there was a winner. This was a lose-lose situation all the way around….especially for a son who will miss his mother everyday for the rest of his life.
Prior to her death, Juliette was looking forward to contacting an official International Star Registry and naming a star in honor of her son.
Link to the interview I gave to the Bay of Plenty Times in New Zealand, at the time of Juliette's death:
From Courageous Kids Network: www.courageouskids.net
Some of us whose mothers trie
d to protect us from abuse, did not see our mothers for years, or were only allowed to see our mothers under oppressive supervised visitation orders. We were not allowed to hug our mothers, or talk about how we felt. Some of us were separated from siblings, grandparents and extended family. We lost our home, pets, toys, friends,… our childhood. We lived in fear, depression, hopelessness and helplessness for years. Some of us ran away from our abusers. Some could not handle the trauma and committed suicide.
We who survived, got older and stronger. Now we are telling the world how much we were hurt, first by our abusers and then by the court that refused to protect us.
We, the Courageous Kids Network, are a growing group of young people whose childhood was shattered by biased and inhumane court rulings, which forced us to live with our abusive parent, while restricting or sometimes completely eliminating contact with our loving and protective parent. We know how horrible it is to be forced into the arms of an abuser. We have been there. We are now free. We have some suggestions for you who have to live with a batterer or molester because an attorney, an evaluator, a mediator, or a judge did not believe you. Contact us at www.courageouskids.net from a safe computer (your friend, school, library) and post a blog on our messageboard with your name, age, school, and what you have suffered. Mail pictures of your bruises or other pictures to P. O. Box 1903, Davis, CA 95617. Keep telling people about the abuse. Don’t stop, no matter what. Tell someone new at least once a month. Tell your teacher. Tell your principal. Tell your school counselor. Tell your coach. Tell your therapist.
Please remember that in Parental Alienation, the alienator uses the child as a weapon to be used against the targeted parent and a tool to make the alienator feel emotionally complete.
I have continued my dedicated work for the past 26 years, being a mother/child advocate, encouraging mediation, and upholding the rights of children to know both parents. I educate people about how abusers, alcoholics and other drug users, can legally obtain custody of children in Family Court. Many of the non-custodial mothers I have met through the years, lost custody of their children due to manipulative and controlling ex-partners/spouses. I also regularly hear from mothers, fathers and their adult children from all over the world. They request advice, ask me to tell their stories, or they just wish to tell me how apparent it is that The Lord is using me as His tool to help others.
By Joy Henley
I Always Wondered…
if you knew you were the only child who arrived at daycare with fresh, piping hot biscuits from the oven
if you knew your hair smelled so good when you arrived at daycare that the daycare provider often remarked, “I could sit here all morning and smell his hair- it smells so good from the Baby Magic Bath”
if you knew finger painting is supposed to be fun but you must be extra cautious to not drop a few spots of paint at dad's…you know what will happen
if you were allowed to ever wear the cute Osh Kosh overalls again
if your box of crayons on the first day of kindergarten was large enough
if you had boots and furry mittens for the snowy days
if you still believed in Santa like your mom
if you were allowed a birthday cake with candles and could make your own, private wish
what you want to be when you grow up
what it would be like to bake sugar cookie Christmas trees, bells and snowflakes together while “White Christmas” played in the background
what it would feel like to giggle and wiggle our toes in the ocean sand
if one of the many cards I sent you, or calls I made, somehow, miraculously, reached you.
if your sheets were clean
if you learned to fall asleep on cue because he said to do it
if you ever awakened to a day when empty beer bottles were not scattered on the floor
if you were encouraged to drink beer so partyers in the home could ridicule your inebriated actions
if you could soar down the park slide and forget last night’s beating for a split second
if you realized when I washed your hair under the faucet, I was not really trying to drown you- as you were told
if you understood baseball bats really are for playing sports and not for swinging and threatening others with harm
if I were to give you the birthday and Christmas gifts at 18 that I saved from your pre-school years, would you laugh at me?
if you had a secret place within you where only you alone could access your feelings, heart and love for a mom you pretended to hate – to survive
if there was a trace of me embedded in your memory
I always wondered…
a mother is allowed to do this.
By Joy Henley
In My Dreams
sidewalk chalk drawings
a carousel ride in the square
giggles on the see-saw
building summer sand castles
making snow angels on the hill
licking the beaters from the cake batter bowl
gazing at the twinkling stars
reading books on a blanket at the park
dancing aimlessly around the living room
eating animal crackers in bed
Such simple things my son...
We will do them again.
I will call you tomorrow.
I will learn where you live.
Next month we will go to the zoo.
I love you.
See you soon.
Joy’s Top 10 Common Sense Ideas
for a Better Life
10. When your daughter or son is ready to walk down the aisle to get married, ask something at the last second. It does not matter if it is the most extravagant wedding in the world. Ask her or him if this is what they truly want, and give a gentle reminder that even at the last second, it is ok to change their mind. You have no idea how many divorced daughters and sons wish they had heard these words.
9. Stop trying to convince people you are a good person, and to love you. Unfortunately, we cannot "make" others care about us. Stop investing extreme energy, time, and your heart in others who could not care less about you. It sounds harsh, and yes, people and feelings sometimes do change. If contact with them is continuously stressful though, if there is mistrust, lack of respect, perpetuation of a hurtful past, etc. maybe it is time to ponder what you are really getting out of it. Is there real love and caring there….or is it just drama? Is it so stressful it makes you sick? When people genuinely care about one another, it is not a continuous hurt cycle.
8. Remember you are only one person, you can only do so much and you are human. You will be a healthier human though, if you learn to forgive, use common sense when making choices and in everyday life, accept you will make mistakes in life, plan to grow from these mistakes. and use your progress and learning experiences to help others.
7. Make a peaceful home and do your best to not allow a lot of conflict, drama and other negatives to upset the harmony of your home.
6. Prioritize who and what is important in your life and place that first.
5. If it feels like your child, you or others are being abused, it is probably true.
4. If it feels like your child, you, or others have an addiction, alcohol or other drug problem, it is probably true.
3. Learn to set boundaries. Let others know what you will stand for….and for what you will not stand.
2. Trust your intuition. Feelings do not always have to "make sense."
1. Be true to yourself.
My Associated Content article, entitled...Goodbye
This is an opinion piece about “letting go” of the most important person in life: an adult daughter or son. The key word about this writing is that it is just an “opinion.” Some may agree, some may not. It is a subject no one wants to tackle as it can be difficult to imagine any parent struggling with such a decision. It is shocking and disturbing but someone has to say it.
Many parents have been non-custodial parents whose children were alienated against them. This is common in child custody situations. The perpetrator- often an ex from a marriage or relationship, in a sense, “brainwashes” the child against the targeted parent. It cuts deeper than a brainwashing though. The child is literally taught to hate the targeted parent. The child may be orchestrated to make false allegations about the targeted parent, cuss and name call and the alienator cheers-on and rewards the daughter or son. There are daughters and sons who talk about the targeted parent as if they saw them yesterday, when in fact, it was 30 years ago. They share endless tales of things the hated parent supposedly did, although they could not know firsthand. They are merely repeating what they were told. They may stalk the parent on the Internet and harm their loved ones. It can be a “cat and mouse game” of mental maneuvers and exhaustion, which can span for years.
Parental Alienation is the ultimate hate crime and it is child abuse. A child who has lived this hatred may never fully recover. It is like any abuse...it leaves scars. They may be visible or they may be invisible. Yet, the effects of this can last a lifetime.
When alienated children become adults, their hated parents may still tolerate being cussed out, harassed, and other abuse. They believe this is the only way they can have their sons or daughters in their lives. Any parent who has been the recipient of these tactics, will know their limit. For some parents, the “limit” was reached when they had a stroke, their blood pressure went off the charts, and/or they had a heart attack. Sometimes, the abuse is so intolerable that the parent will end their life due to the hopelessness. The fantasy that children will turn 18 or legal age and run to their alienated parent with their arms open and full of love, dies.
The bad news is that anger, hostility and hate, rarely vanish into thin air. Still, these emotions may shift, somewhat diminish, or lay dormant. Without proper intervention such as counseling, they usually return. Many of the non-custodial mothers I have supported, feel they must give it one more try...or try harder. Even if it is toxic to their lives. You see, society demands parents love their children unconditionally. Parents are also told to never give up. Should they even consider giving up, it can be interpreted as a lack of love for their children, or a weakness. People literally get angry with them for even thinking it. “Love your children unconditionally” and “Never give up” are phrases that are beginning to sound like cliches. Many of the people who harp on unconditional love for children, have younger children. They do not have children of legal age. There is a huge difference. Many parents repeating these catch-phrases, have not been cussed out or felt intimidated or bullied by their adult sons or daughters. They have not experienced their subsequent children being injured by their alienated son or daughter. They have not had other family members fear for their safety and be in harm's way- due to the son or daughter's violence. They have not picked their daughter up in an alley for the sixth time with a heroin needle in her arm, had a son repeatedly steal from them or been shoved into a wall three times by their drunken daughter. Without counseling and a thorough understanding of the dynamics, stages and effects of Parental Alienation, the drama and anger may never go away. In fact, it is wise to be prepared for this.
To some who have been abused by their adult children, any gesture of kindness or crumbs of their affection, sparks hope. The frustrated mother who last week, said she would never again talk to her daughter or son will do it this week. The parent who slammed the door last month, crying, “I can't take it anymore...I'm done” is now residing with that daughter or son. An emotional roller coaster such as this – i.e. loving your child one day, letting go the next, loving the child three weeks from now, letting go three months down the road, loving and hating, and riding the ups and downs, takes its toll. The waves can be steep. It can also affect the credibility of a parent who continuously screams “I'm done”- and flip flops on his or her word. Especially if the parent advocates for other non-custodial parents.
Suddenly one day, the name calling, cussing, harassing, drama and threatening behaviors may come to a screeching halt. Why? Because the alienated parent learns he or she is going to be a grandparent. The war has come to a cease fire. Suddenly, everyone is happy, joyous and amends have supposedly been made. The same people who empathized last month with the mother's frustration and hugged her through her tears, are now sending congratulations. The same people who worried about the father's mental health and depression last week- when he called his daughter names, are now celebrating the joyous occasion. Everyone is in a frenzy about the baby. Where did the anger go?
Until the root of the problem is addressed, the anger is still there. It lingers. It will be kept under wraps until the next tirade. There will be a huge difference the next time there is an argument, though. The war will become even more intense because the stakes will be much higher. The grandparent may not get to see their grandchild. It is a familiar game and here it comes again. The parent will have to live through two alienations- the child and grandchild. This is a silent group of parents. They dread the chastising of others...especially if they knew their decisions. Many of these parents say if they could give their grandchildren anything, they would give them peace. They do not want to go to “battle” with their adult children...again. They refuse to participate in any “game” that would enable the child to be used as a pawn. They know the first time things go sour with their alienated son or daughter, so does their relationship with their grandchild. Some bluntly say they cannot live through a loss like they did with their child....ever again. They say they would rather die.
It is not surprising that a child could be used as a weapon. The frightening truth is that Parental Alienation travels from one generation to the next. If adult children, know the dynamics, have been victims/survivors and have seen the alienation “work,” more of the abuse could be on the way. Especially if the adult child has previously acted out in abuse and violence and was orchestrated to make false allegations of abuse. They know the game because once upon a time, they were the prize. There is no other painful way to make someone “pay” when being pissed off, than to tug at their heartstrings and use a baby. As one grandmother recently told me, “as long as I do whatever they want I get to see my grandchild.” What happens when grandmother says no? There is an obvious element of control here. Since these anger, drama episodes have been a continuous process, why would they stop because of the presence of a baby?
Too many grandparents do not see their grandchildren. Due to divorce, death, the escalation of alienation and hatred from their own children, legal fees, health issues, and other reasons, they are ousted from the lives of their grandchildren, with little resources for a solution. This is one reason Grandparent Rights groups have formed. Although grandparents have been on the short end of the stick in being granted official, legal “rights” to their grandchildren, they can gain tremendous support and education from one another.
A common definition of insanity is continuously doing the same thing, while expecting a different result. Coming together, letting go, coming together, letting go...the outcome will continue to be the same. No wonder parents tell me they feel like they are going insane. Without tremendous effort and commitment, the parent-adult child relationship will probably remain turbulent, dramatic and hateful.
If ever there were a time to change, it is before the birth of a baby. If it has been an on-going, long term “war” - all the more reason to make a decision and stick to it. Sometimes, it is just time to get off of the emotional roller coaster. Needless to say, a good-bye decision regarding children is heartwrenching. It is not supposed to be this way. It goes against Mother Nature...especially for mothers who have a prenatal bond with the child - which includes pregnancy, labor and delivery. No one is advocating for parents to ever give up, not pray for their children, not love their children from a distance, or not believe in miracles. All of us are human though, and there has to be a common sense factor here.
Some parents do not have the emotional energy, money, or time to spend years in counseling. For some, this would require relocation- if the family would be in counseling together. Some parents feel in the back of their minds- as their adult children age into their 30's and 40's, that it is “too late.” Besides, the alienated daughter or son, may flatly refuse to go for counseling because they believe nothing is “wrong” with them. There are gossipers who will argue the alienated parent does not care enough, or they would do anything on this earth to be near their daughter or son. It is true that most parents will do just about anything to have their children in their life. Nowhere is it said though, that a parent must die (from health reasons) attempting to have a relationship with their child, or a parent must tolerate being abused. This is not “part of” being a parent by any stretch of the imagination.
If a baby is coming and everyone is as ecstatic as they claim, perhaps those involved will seek counseling. Hopefully, they will vow that there will be no more name calling, alienation and anger that will force another child in this world to suffer alienation or live in a battle ground.
It is inappropriate and downright wrong to expect the anticipation of any child's birth and presence to calm the anger. Let's face it, if adult children have been cruel to their parents, there has been an on-going hate campaign for many years, they cuss and threaten, stalk, are disrespectful, and put family members at risk, these hostile feelings and actions are not going to magically disappear. Even with the birth of a child. How could they? As soon as the triggers occur that cause the turmoil and drama, things are right back where they started. Perhaps it is time to identify those triggers or “buttons” people push, that bring on the chaos.
One thing is certain: It is unrealistic to expect an innocent baby or child to calm the tempers and improve the situation of adults. A baby will not “band-aid” a relationship of any kind. It is unfair to saddle an innocent child with so much burden and power.
WHO ARE ABUSERS? Abusers are males or females who abuse by the following means: physical, mental/emotional, sexual, teaching their child to hate and the alienation of their child against the other targeted parent, social, verbal, isolation, intimidation, neglect, threats, financial, elderly, legal (as in manipulatively obtaining an illegal or questionable Power of Attorney on an elderly person), by false allegations and in other ways. If you have been the recipient of false allegations - especially in regard to child custody, you have been abused. Abusers can be highly educated with many credentials, prominent people in the community, people who are financially stable or wealthy, ones you would never in a million years even suspect, and ones in all professions. It is sometimes the ones we admire and respect the most, who abuse. They often do not "look" like abusers. It is that "normal" appearance and professionalism that in some ways, enable the inappropriate conduct. After all, who would believe THAT PERSON would abuse a spouse or batter anyone?
Do you ever wonder how an abuser who appears to be "out of control" and who others believe cannot manage anger, suddenly is rational and calm when the police knock on the door?
Hostile Aggressive Parenting
This is psychological child abuse and the site is dedicated to the children who are suffering under the hands of HAP parents.
The Parent Without a Conscience
Qualities of a typical, Psychopathic parent