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Home > Author > Pearl Barley aka C M Donaldson
 
Pearl Barley aka C M Donaldson

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Member Since: Apr, 2011

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  Pearl Barley aka C M Donaldson

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Looking for Slice-of-Life humour & easily-relate-able musings? Under my pseudonym, I've written humorous accounts, so you've come to the right place! THAT'S NOT ALL. I've also written a sci-fi lite novel, again with much humour, so check out the blurb on The AL-EX Project (ALternative EXistence) to read about Alex and his travels through the dream-state ... THEN there are the poems!


Background Information

ABOUT ME I started out writing diaries from when I was in my teens.  Chiefly they were either about the men that came and went in my life, or my weight issues.The entries were extremely funny given my dry wit bordering on the ridiculous with a spattering of sarcasm, but also my way of looking at the funny side of serious aspects of ordinary life

In later years and still battling the bulge, I started putting my diary entries together  - the situation with men basically resolved itself  (I just avoid them like the plague,...er..not really, oh well, some of the time and after all we women DO have our needs because that shelf won't put itself up...just joking!) but the weight thing was a different kettle of fish, ongoing; a work in progress, spanning a lifetime, and I knew I wasn't alone.

HOW THE FAT BAG CAME ABOUT During yet another one of my dieting efforts, THE FAT BAG stuck between a rock cake & a hard plaice was born.  And, yes, it is 'PLAICE' spelt like the fish; no typo's here. I utilised my real-life experiences, and a play on words resonates throughout the whole book in chapters entitled "This Little Piggie Went to Town", "All Menus Are Not Created Equal", My Cup Runneth Over", and "Mind Over Platter".  I wanted to put it out there that this is an issue that a lot of people can relate to. 

Other amusing chapters capture the essense of the fact that many have "Been There, Done That, & Bulged Out of the Tee Shirt", everything you're not allowed to have is just so "Finger-Lickin' Good" but as the old saying goes: "What Don't Kill Will Fatten and I'm unfortunately living proof of that old adage.

I penned these humerous chapters out of sheer pleasure though, even making myself laugh on occasion, and I found them therapeutic when looking back at my past efforts, wondering where my head was at and how desperate I had became, as well as asking myself why it seems I was at the back of the queue when they were handing out the will power, discipline and restraint. It has been said that dieting is the punishment for going over the feed limit .... 'feed limit' get it?

But it's not a tale of woe; far from it.  There are no quick-fixes, granted, but the truth is laid bare in a heart-warming story in which lies a desperate story hidden between the lines of these  entertaining and enjoyable accounts.

Please note: This is NOT a dieting book that will help you to lose weight or give any reasonable dieting advice.

CLICK ON THE SIDE PANELS FOR MORE ABOUT THIS BOOK AND ALSO READ THE STORIES THAT ARE DRAFT CHAPTERS FOR THE SOON-TO-BE PUBLISHED SEQUEL, WAIST NOT; WANT NOT where not only am I still battling the bulge but I've got age-related issues to deal with as well, maintaining that me and middle-age have never been formally introduced but that hasn't stopped it sneaking into my life while my back was turned.

I'd be so very grateful for your honest comments, your own dire dieting experiences; your triumphs and troughs as well but most of all your empathy as you feel my pain while laughing out loud.

Best wishes.  PB

Birth Place
London,  UK
Accomplishments

Passed my counselling studies with flying colours
Qualified as a First-Aider IN 2010
Appeared as a guest on a Channel 4 programme in 2011 about Crash Diets and their adverse effects

Had a Feature in the local guardian about my book under the heading "Tooting Author Relaunches Dieting Book"

Additional Information

Pearl Barley...In The Soup Again? Although I didn't plan to write anything further, because of the popularity of The Fat Bag stuck between a rock cake & a hard plaice, I've now completed the continuing story - covering the bases I feel I missed in the first book - WAIST NOT; WANT NOT? And I put back on all the weight I lost before (of course). There's still my abject love of all food (of course) and my continuing loathing of all exercise (of course) but now I have age-related issues to contend with as well such as greying hair, which doesn't make a woman look in the slightest bit 'distinguished', laughter lines without the laughter, and a crick in my knee that gives me merry-hell when the weather is cold, to name but a few (again, of course). So I'm being 'got-at' from all sides and of course the battle of the bulge is far from over! The chapters have now been edited with amusing titles with that familiar play on words I used in THE FAT BAG. To be sure, the sequel aims to be even more entertaining. Hoping to get it on the shelves by early summer 2015 ...then it's all yours!

Favorite Links

The Fat Bag Stuck Between a Rock Cake ...
Each rant and rave in the chapters is an honest down-to-earth look at the struggles and the sheer torture one can put oneself through just to feel good when stepping on the scales.

Pearl Barley's I love food Webpage
Welcome to the real world of my dieting experiences, where I, Pearl Barley tell it like it is with no frills.

My Smashwords profile
Just a bit more about me and my writing endeavours and new ideas, also what motivated me to write The Fat Bag, an amusing biop, and then switch to science fiction

Lulu.com
For more detail, described as science fiction in its lightest form, an amusing foray into the investigation, interpretation and manipulation of dreams, check out the first five-star review of the AL-EX project (alTERNATIVE exISTENCE) Testing the limits of dream control.






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