Part 2: Why Do Women Say No?
edited: Friday, October 26, 2007
By Annette Hendrix Williams
Not "rated" by the Author.
Posted: Thursday, October 25, 2007
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I add to what I have already said. It is still a work in progress. I plan to conclude it soon, but you can read it while this is waiting to happen.
Class, today we will pick up where we left off at our last meeting. The topic was about why women say no. We covered a few reasons concerning what a young woman might be thinking when she turns down offers made by a date who does not understand how she could possibly refuse such an outstanding offer made by such an outstanding fellow. It must be pointed out that there are some wise young women in this world and many foolish ones, just as there are some wise young men and many foolish ones and a heck of a lot of average folks who fit into neither extreme but just do whatever they think is best. Since everyone visiting authorsden is welcome to take this class, and I do not know which group or how many are attending, I will try to cover the topic from as broad and as many angles as I can think possible.
Most of the people I know do whatever they think is best. In fact, if I ask certain people a lot of questions about what their opinions on my proposed behavior should be, they will tell me, "Do whatever you think is best" because that is the rule of thumb that they and most people live by. However, it is not right all of the time because we do not always know what is best. I do not claim that women or men have all the answers on what is the best behavior, but I do believe that it never hurts anyone to find out why someone else acts the way they do, especially if the outcome is so important to the one doing the asking.
Can anyone tell me what are some popular toys that children like to play with regarding sex roles in our culture? I though I heard someone say, "Boys like to play with cars". That's good, name something that girls like to play with. Excellent! Someone in the back row just suggested Barbie dolls. What about Ken? Okay, sometimes they like to add Ken to the list. That is good. You all really know what children are like; don't you?
So let's talk about boys and their cars along with what those cars represent to the boys. Has anyone ever noticed how easy cars are to manipulate? Cars have no personality either. Cars never disagree with anything boys want to do. Furthermore, boys grow up to look at car magazines with nearly naked women standing next to those cars. These women are imagined pawns who want nothing but what the young men want. They have no ambitions but to have sex because that is what the young men at this stage in life wants. No one ever imagines that these pawn women might have children or ambitions to have children. Cars do not have children or ambitions or lives either. Cars do not develop emotional ties to people who abuse them, but real young women do. Cars do not rationalize foolishly saying, "I saved my virginity for Mr. Right and this guy took it away. He obviously thinks that he is Mr. Right. Therefore I must cling to him with all I've that I've got." or have you heard this one? "I really like this guy, and all he ever asks me for is sex. If I have sex, he will surely feel the same way about me." Cars also do not go downhill or become, "easy" after the cars have been abused because after all cars are just cars.
Now let us talk about what little girls like to play with in the toy box. Their favorite doll is always Barbie; sometimes Barbie is accompanied by Ken. In the little girl's mind, Ken is always the perfect, gentlemanly, thoughtful date. Barbie always has a house full of clothes and gets to lead any kind of life she wants. Today Barbie might be a McDonalds employee, tommorrow a teacher, then a veterinarian, the next day a ballerina or a rock star. In reality Barbie never chooses who she wants to be; the little girl does that. Then when the little girl grows up, she becomes her Barbie doll. She never picks what she wants to be because everyone else feels more qualified to decide that for her. The truth is that it is both good and sad that some people are forced into roles based on stereotypes because if we did not have stereotypes we would never get a hotel room cleaned. However, young women making decisions about the outcome of their lives do not need deadbeat young men steering them around like women are cars.
The plain spoken truth is that absolutely no one gets everything they want in life, nor should they. People who want relationships to last have to make compromises. They also have to think about whether these compromises are advisable and if they can keep their promises. They have to evaluate early in the relationship whether the other party is committed to the relationship or not. This is never easy for the young who have no experience with judging the motives of the opposite sex. However, it is necessary. We have to learn how and when to turn down offers as we gain experience and the only way to get any experience is to lead a full life. Turning down real or imagined rotten offers, is a part of leading a full life. (I never said that having sex with idiots is part of leading a full life.) Furthermore, right or wrong, people often judge their dates based on what their previous dates with other people have been like the same way that they judge books by their cover. It is like judging a book by the last book that someone else wrote. It is not right, but it happens.
A lot of young women who have tried to be a good girl and turn down offers that are not appealing might feel that life has punished them for being a good girl by those who think she is obligated to marry the first man she meets who appreciates a good girl for what she is. These young women may feel angry that men cannot be honorable enough to go find someone who is right for them but punish those honorable young women who do not want them. At the moment, I do not feel punished for being the good girl because in my case my sins are forgiven by Jesus Christ and the joy that I have gotten since that day makes me far happier than everyone else who tries only to please themselves or other people. I feel sad that I hurt someone so badly. When I had my moment of revelation, I recognized more than ever what a dirty, rotten sinner I was even when I tried so hard to be good, but my sins are forgiven and I am still God's child. Therefore I do not feel punished.
I can pass along a little secret which should not be a secret but is kept as such because the devil really exists. It is for those who might be seriously considering the possibilities of resisting temptation but also wondering how it could ever be possible when they always feel so weak. I might be stupid; you might be stupid; the guy down the street might be stupid, but God is not stupid. He knows the hearts of men and women and He knows who is serious and who is not. If one seriously wants to resist temptation because that one loves God, God can and will make a way to succeed in the resistance. The bible promises it. Here is just one of many verses that promise that God takes care of His own.
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way of escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV
He promises in His Word, the bible, a way to escape every temptation. First a child of this God that I serve must learn to say no in faith believing that this is possible and see if He will not come to the aid of His children. Furthermore He knows who is His own and make it easier to escape the next time. He also prepares hearts to meet the special someone that they have been waiting for, but both parties need to hear His voice. It also helps whether we knew His voice when we married or not. We cannot regain the past. All we have is the present and He helps His own wherever they are when they realize that they need Him. He helps His own keep their marriage commitments if they commit all of their ways unto Him because they love Him. Nothing is impossible for Him, and nobody knows what they are talking about if they have never experienced this first hand.
Have a wonderful day. Class is dismissed.
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|Reviewed by Georg Mateos
|Barbie has been condemned to be look upon as a beautiful blond with no brains, and Man as been denounced as that description giver.
But, always is a but, how many women had succeed and got from the rest of her sisters a good word?
A strong woman can say yes and no, a weak one will say alway no out of fear to be hurt, or because yes means compromise, or for whatever reasons fall to any one that believes on "la donna e mobile" syndrome.
Women should be loved, not analysed.