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Dr. Candace House

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Behaviors That Sabotage Your Goals
by Dr. Candace House   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Monday, October 29, 2007
Posted: Monday, October 29, 2007

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Dr. Candace House

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Behavior: Are you a complainer? Do you constantly focus on things that go wrong? Finding that you think a lot and speak a lot about what is going wrong can make you feel dissatisfied and can quiet your sense of purpose and ambition. Notice how often you complain about things that aren't working.

Are you having problems realizing you dreams? Are you finding yourself not doing some things you know you should be doing? You may be a victim of self-sabotage. How do you know, and what can you do about it? Read on and see.
Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

Not having Purpose.

Behavior: Do you feel you have no reason for being? No purpose in life? Purpose and destiny is ours. All of us were put here on this planet to serve a need. If there was not a need to be meet you would have not been born.
Solution: Write down all the things that are important to you (include possessions, people and feelings). Then write out what you have and want to have to contribute to the world. From your writing, create a statement of purpose for yourself that you can read each and every day. Add spirituality to your life. For with out it all you do is in vain. Give to others, give to the world and feel great about it. Make regular contributions to people and community. To give is to receive.

Not having value.

Behavior: Do you often criticize yourself or can't accept compliments? If you are, then you are not allowing yourself to love you. You dwell on the past and past mistake and beat yourself up about them.

Solution: You can choose to notice what you do that is good and that you can be proud of, no matter how small it may seem. Each day keep a log of what you are grateful for about YOU. When you hear your inner voice telling you what you haven't done right or well, shut the door on the negative voices coming your way. Listen to the voice that knows the TRUTH about who you are and how you add value to the world. Give your self praise for at least 5 things each day that you did well. Notice your small successes and learn to receive compliments from others.

Loosing goals already met.

Behavior: Do you feel that you are not entitled to have what you want? That you donít measure up and you need to get things right before you are worthy?
Solution: What is the limiting belief that you have that tells you inside why you can't have what you want? Be quiet, be still and listen to it. Write down how you felt when you had accomplished a goal in the past. Write down how you feel now, without the goal. Then write a "bridge belief": A very, very small belief that feels a little bit better than what you now feel. Each week, create a new bridge, which you can really believe. By using these bridges as stepping-stones, you'll shift your limiting beliefs slowly and be on the other side of the bridge and able to maintain it because you will have a new belief inside of you.

Complaining about what is not going right.

Behavior: Are you a complainer? Do you constantly focus on things that go wrong? Finding that you think a lot and speak a lot about what is going wrong can make you feel dissatisfied and can quiet your sense of purpose and ambition. Notice how often you complain about things that aren't working.

Solution: Change your thought process about your situation. Ask yourself a new question: "What IS working?" Begin to notice all the things, no matter how small, that are working well. Keep a positive journal and each day write down everything, that is working.
Change your way of thinking!

Self comparison exercise.

Behavior: Do you constantly compare yourself to others? Do you feel bad when you find you donít measure up in your mind? Comparison doesn't motivate us to do more or be better, instead it makes us feel we'll never be good enough and we aren't right now.

Solution: Write out 7 qualities you like best about yourself. Then write out what you value most in your life. When you go to a place of comparison, notice how similar you are with the other person vs. what is different. Begin to create a list of adjectives that describe you - at least 20 positive words about your greatness. Whenever you notice yourself in a comparison mode, think of some of the adjectives that describe YOU.

Allowing fear to hold you back.

Behavior: Are you paralyzed by fears of the future? Do you do nothing because of what MAY happen?
Solution: We can't control or predict the future or other people's behaviors. All we can control is our own, right here, right now. Focus on your present for tomorrow is not promised to you anyway. Ask yourself the question "What is the worst thing that could happen?" Then, let go and know that it isn't in your hands to control the future and that rarely do the scenarios we create in our heads occur. Accept that there is someone greater than you that are in control. You are not able to control the future. Relax, breathe and trust that all is well.

Never having long term relationships.

Behavior: Do you always feel something is missing in your relationships or find fault with the other person? Perhaps you are afraid of intimacy. This usually stems from a fear of abandonment or exposure that causes you to distance yourself from others.

Solution: Express what you want and don't want in a relationship to your partner and let them express the same to you. Acknowledge the other person on a regular basis. Notice when you feel afraid and let the fillings be - accept them and allow them to sit there. Don't try to push them away. Know that the feelings are there and that is fine. Focus on what feels good about the relationship instead of what feels wrong. Create for yourself a list of everything that feels right and the things that feel wrong. Decide what you can live with and what you cannot and decide from there if it is worth the effort to let go of some of your insecurities to embrace others.

©2006 Candace House. All Rights Reserved.

CANDACE HOUSE is the Founder and CEO of The World Education Network Inc which provides curriculum, tutoring & technology for students around world. Her message is to "Inhale What God Is Exhaling"

Web Site: Your World Realized

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