THE BIGGEST AWARD SHOW OF ALL
Everyone’s heard of The Oscars, The Logies, The Emmy’s and The Grammy’s. All recognitions of achievement in the film, television and entertainment industry. Why isn’t there a “Mummy’s”. With the exception of a few celebrity mums who happen to reside in the Northern Beaches, we may not all be on the big or small screen, but mothers are the biggest super stars on the planet.
Forget Superman, or Wonder Woman. Mothers can leap tall piles of discarded pyjamas in a single bound…stop a speeding shopping trolley with a flick of the wrist…and catch falling clothes pegs with her teeth.
Gil Grissom in CSI pales to insignificance when you realize that all mothers have a natural sixth sense. She can sniff out a missing shoe, locate an errant hairclip… avoiding a scale three tantrum, and match an odd sock at 20 paces. And she knows when you’re lying. So don’t bother telling her you were at Simone’s studying because she knows you were at The Mall seeing Ratatouille with your friends…and she has the movie ticket from your dirty washing in the laundry to prove it.
If you thought Russell Crowe was brilliant in A Beautiful Mind then think about the fact that mothers can supply answers to the maths homework of four children in four different grades – one in University - whilst listening to a school concert rehearsal performed on the kitchen table, and doing a (reverse) French Braid. Oh, and sewing a button on a shirt. All at the same time.
Cooking programs like the ones on Lifestyle Food are fine, but consider this. Mothers can pack a nutritious lunch containing food from all five food groups, while cooking four different full breakfasts…one with scrambled eggs, one with fried (not runny yokes) one vegetarian and one lactose and gluten free. And yes, all at the same time. No editing.
Mothers are stars in their own right. Dr. Phil and Oprah are great at bringing relief to the troubled, but mothers can console a weeping twelve year old whose A-list best friend has tragically stayed over at a B-list best friend’s house without telling her. And she was like…over it in…like…minutes.
The importance of the mother is without measure. The mother is not only the star of the show, she is also the director, producer and financier. She’s the wardrobe lady, makeup artist, afternoon tea lady and sound engineer. She comes up with a new and exciting script for each episode of the longest running show ever. Here’s an excerpt from tomorrow’s award winning program…
INT…..9.30 a.m. A normal house after everyone has left for work and school.
Dirty dishes piled up in the sink…clothes strewn haphazardly everywhere
Camera pans to a woman standing in a bathroom doorway. Floor soaked with water, wet towels and underwear everywhere…cap off the toothpaste making a gluggy mess in the bathroom sink. The woman steps over the mess and takes the empty toilet roll from the holder. She reaches under the basin, takes out a fresh roll of toilet paper and places it on the holder. She turns to walk away, and as she does a red carpet rolls to her feet. She smiles a she steps on to it with her tatty pink slippers….