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Why You Need to Get Rid of Your Desktop, Laptop, Blackberry, Toering, and I
By Jeff Brown
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last
edited: Friday, December 21, 2007
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2007
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How has technology aided aliens in their takeover. Want to know? Read this. It may just save your life.
Text messaging:
"Steve, what's the 411?"
"4COL! AFAIK I'm on the pot. DU care?" *
"DYFM" (Dude You Fascinate Me)
"FYA only. BTA GAL scum!" (For Your Amusement; But Then Again; Get A Life)
"UD82BME" *
"Y?"
"YA yaya Working for the WOOF." *
"UG2BK" *
"Seriously, U in?"
"TTTHTFAL" *
"Who'd listen to your face?"
"P911 OTP in nine CU" (Parents 911; On The Phone)
" RB.Ya " *
Offline conversation (non-acronymal):
"Dude, wasup?"
"World of Warcraft upgrade's in."
"I was . . . hold it. Blackberry from Tim."
"Wasup?"
"Man, fingers need an upgrade. I'm crampin'."
"Wasup?"
"New iPod's on sale. Gotta go."
"Catch ya on the flip side, dog."
"Back at cha."
On-couch conversation:
"Dude!"
"Emmmm . . . errrrrrrrr . . . crap!"
"You're dead! Go sleep! Go sleep!"
"Not if I re-life, man"
"You're too low. You'll bonk before you can load."
"Errrrrrr . . ."
Beep. Beep. Beep. Onnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkk.
Game over
"Dude!"
In-office conversation:
"Well, Jim, as far as I can see we need a dedicated system this weekend for the upgrade."
"Upgrade? Why? The AS400 is simply a glorified SYS38. The only difference is the communications upgrade and we don't even need it. The token ring runs our communications through PC apps."
"I know. I told Phillips that we didn't need it that what we need is to standardize the applications for greater stability. But considering we're using apps that were originally made just to generate reports . . . Well . . ."
"Jim, you're a more patient man than me. Don't tell anyone but I'm getting out of computers altogether."
"Really? Why?"
"With the changes in software and hardware coming so fast you need to be a computer to keep up with it. And the complexity of these noodled together applications . . . Well . . ."
"I hear ya."
"Rogers!"
"Gotta go. Phillips calls."
Outer-world Conversation:
"The beings have reached the point where they require the attachments to survive. They are seldom seen without them."
"And music's rhythm is more important than its sound. They tap and punch at devices in hands, connected to ears."
"Yes, they are continually distracted."
"They are nearly ready for takeover and inhabitation. Soon, all analytical thought will be destroyed."
"Yes, I'll introduce the rest of the devices, the toering and implant computer devices."
"Great, I'll get the lotion and towels."
"Great. See you at the beach inhabitation-celebration run through."
* Get help with text messaging acronyms at http://www.netlingo.com/emailsh.cfm
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