AuthorsDen.com   Join (Free!) | Login  

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
   Services MarketPlace (Free to post!)
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    eBOOKS new!     BOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    EVENTS    VIDEOS    GOLD    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Alfred Schwab, iShervin Hojat, Ph.D., iCheryl Sellers, iKevin Weeks, iP. G. Shriver, iJames Becher, iStephen Lodge, i

  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Jeff Brown

· Become a Fan
· Contact me
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· News
· Stories
· 57 Titles
· 60 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Dec, 2007

Jeff Brown, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.




Featured Book
Return to Paradise
by Tianna Xander

“Isn’t Christmas supposed to be fun?” That’s the one thing Gemma Alexander keeps asking herself as she sets up the lodge Christmas tree. She expects a lot of business wit..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members


Featured Book
The American Poet Who Went Home Again
by Aberjhani

Expands beyond the safety of pages bound by predictability to explore and often confirm exciting creative possibilities. A shimmering collage of memoir, creative nonficti..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members





   Recent articles by
Jeff Brown

• Motivational Quotes on LIfe: How to Think About Maximizing Your Potential
• Even the Successfull Get Locked into Failure
• An Honest & Thorough Inventory of Your Life is Essential
• How to Develop Creativity and Why it Will Save Your Life
• Appreciating Opportunity in America is Essential to Remaining Successful
• The Law of Attraction: How to Think About Motivational Philosophies
• Let's Not Do Another Bush Blunder With John McCain
• Oh My Gosh! My Depression is Messing With My Six Figure Salary!
• The 14 Focal Points of Personal Growth: #8 Education
• The 14 Focal Points of Personal Growth: #13 Talents
• The 14 Focal Points of Personal Growth: #7 Sacrifice
• Jeff Brown: 20,367on Amazon! Keeps Moving UP!
           >> View all

Why You Need to Get Rid of Your Desktop, Laptop, Blackberry, Toering, and I
By Jeff Brown   
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last edited: Friday, December 21, 2007
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2007

Share    Print   Save    Become a Fan


How has technology aided aliens in their takeover. Want to know? Read this. It may just save your life.

Text messaging:

"Steve, what's the 411?"

"4COL! AFAIK I'm on the pot. DU care?" *

"DYFM" (Dude You Fascinate Me)

"FYA only. BTA GAL scum!" (For Your Amusement; But Then Again; Get A Life)

"UD82BME" *

"Y?"

"YA yaya Working for the WOOF." *

"UG2BK" *

"Seriously, U in?"

"TTTHTFAL" *

"Who'd listen to your face?"

"P911 OTP in nine CU" (Parents 911; On The Phone)

" RB.Ya " *

Offline conversation (non-acronymal):

"Dude, wasup?"

"World of Warcraft upgrade's in."

"I was . . . hold it. Blackberry from Tim."

"Wasup?"

"Man, fingers need an upgrade. I'm crampin'."

"Wasup?"

"New iPod's on sale. Gotta go."

"Catch ya on the flip side, dog."

"Back at cha."

On-couch conversation:

"Dude!"

"Emmmm . . . errrrrrrrr . . . crap!"

"You're dead! Go sleep! Go sleep!"

"Not if I re-life, man"

"You're too low. You'll bonk before you can load."

"Errrrrrr . . ."

Beep. Beep. Beep. Onnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Game over

"Dude!"

In-office conversation:

"Well, Jim, as far as I can see we need a dedicated system this weekend for the upgrade."

"Upgrade? Why? The AS400 is simply a glorified SYS38. The only difference is the communications upgrade and we don't even need it. The token ring runs our communications through PC apps."

"I know. I told Phillips that we didn't need it that what we need is to standardize the applications for greater stability. But considering we're using apps that were originally made just to generate reports . . . Well . . ."

"Jim, you're a more patient man than me. Don't tell anyone but I'm getting out of computers altogether."

"Really? Why?"

"With the changes in software and hardware coming so fast you need to be a computer to keep up with it. And the complexity of these noodled together applications . . . Well . . ."

"I hear ya."

"Rogers!"

"Gotta go. Phillips calls."

Outer-world Conversation:

"The beings have reached the point where they require the attachments to survive. They are seldom seen without them."

"And music's rhythm is more important than its sound. They tap and punch at devices in hands, connected to ears."

"Yes, they are continually distracted."

"They are nearly ready for takeover and inhabitation. Soon, all analytical thought will be destroyed."

"Yes, I'll introduce the rest of the devices, the toering and implant computer devices."

"Great, I'll get the lotion and towels."

"Great. See you at the beach inhabitation-celebration run through."


* Get help with text messaging acronyms at http://www.netlingo.com/emailsh.cfm

Web Site: SearchWarp.com



Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!





Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part III by Jay Dubya

Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part III is adult satirical literature that parodies thirteen famous short stories...  
Featured BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members


A Large Double-Double Please by Sharon Lockwood

A Large Double-Double Please is a melting pot of ideas and funny anecdotes spun around every aspect of coffee in an attempt to bring two worlds together - the public and the server..  
Featured BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.