by Ted L Glines
This, on MSN, for Sunday 13 January 2008:
November 22 - December 20
“The time for planning and calculating is over, dear Sagittarius. The time for taking aggressive action is now. If you don't have your armor ready, too bad. You will be thrust onto the battlefield with the rest of the troops even if you are in your underwear. The more you try to delay that which you know is inevitable, the more difficult a time you will have. Bite the bullet and charge full speed ahead with whatever armor you've got.”
Is that scary or what???!!!
I have not, Dear Ones, been planning or calculating ANYTHING, and I have not been DELAYING anything, and my only armor is draped on the frames of my Diablo II Expansion game characters. And I have always known that biting bullets is really hard on your teeth. I bit a bullet, once, and it cracked two of my molars. Pain hurts! It is a great Horoscope, however, even if it is a crock.
Picture me, squinting left and right through the dinette blinds of my little trailer. Is anyone coming? I must shoot them. How? I have no gun, nor even a bow or slingshot. Maybe rubber bands and paper-clips? A soda-straw and spit-wads? If anyone knocks on my door, they are toast! Ah, I will fall back on my wizardly skills; I will turn them into Geicos, or geckos, or something. Let's see ... how did that spell go? “Ennie meannie miney moe ...” Nope, that wasn't it. Dang! Hey, I can do the impossible -- all I have to do is stay at Holiday Inn ...
Thrust onto the battlefield in my underwear? That sounds like a case of dire doo-doo. Imagine skinny me, with knobby knees, out on that battlefield in front of my Baptist and Mormon and Muslim friends (worse -- in front of YOU!), flapping around like some kind of idiot scarecrow ... I would never live it down. We are NOT talking the build of Chuck Norris, here. Nope, underwear is out of the question!
Phone just rang. I grabbed it, hit “talk,” quickly hit “off,” and I may have cut off a happy caller announcing my winning of the Texas Lottery (yeah, right!). More likely, it was some Nigerian with a wonderful offer. Or one of Rudy's unpaid campaign staffers begging a donation.
I'll be sure to let you know if I find myself cast into the Sir Lancelot role (in my underwear?) battling to save the world as we know it (all the while questioning whether “life according to CNN” is worth saving). Sir Lancelot looked great in armor -- maybe not so good in underwear. Even his girlfriend giggled at his underwear ...
Doncha love Horoscopes?