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Marla Martenson

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   Recent articles by
Marla Martenson

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How Do You Give the Heave Ho When It's a No-Go?
By Marla Martenson   
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last edited: Saturday, January 19, 2008
Posted: Saturday, January 19, 2008

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If things aren't working out in a relationship, how do you end it?

How Do You Give the "Heave Ho" When It's a "No-Go?"

If you do decide to end a relationship with someone, please understand there are ways to approach it, and ways to avoid it. Susan, a waitress, was dating a sexy doctor. She was very attracted to him and definitely wanted the relationship to continue. They had been dating for about five months. Even though he had an extremely busy schedule, they managed to see each other regularly and he called often. Then one week, she did not hear from him at all. She found that strange and became worried about him. She figured that he must be either in a coma or dead; otherwise, he would have called. She finally dialed his number one evening from work while on her break just to see if he was alive. She was astonished that he answered the phone and said to him, “Oh good, you’re alive. I just wanted to make sure that you were all right. I see that you are, so good-bye!” He replied, “That’s it?” “Yes,” she said. “Obviously you are not interested in talking to me or you would have called!” “Well,” he answered, “I just don’t see any future for us.” She stood there in a daze and finally asked, “So, you were just never going to call me again?” “That’s right,” he said. She hung up and ran into the ladies’ room in tears.
This is not the way to give someone the heave-ho even if you know for sure that it’s a definite no-go! Everyone has feelings and deserves to be treated with respect. Never leave a break-up phone message or e-mail. This is a cop-out that saves you the hassle of dealing with another person’s feelings. Your partner deserves to be told in person. Don’t have the good-bye discussion in the middle of a restaurant either. Find a quiet place where you both feel comfortable and can talk openly. Explain that you feel you simply are not meant for each other. Don’t be accusatory and point out everything that they ever did wrong. Just explain that you do not feel the same way that you did before. If you focus on how you feel, that you no longer feel attracted, this is easier for them to accept as a reason to break-up rather than listing all of their faults. If you are honest and thoughtful about the break-up, then you have done both of you a favor. You will both be free to find someone who is the perfect match. Be proud that you followed your inner voice and your gut feelings. Breaking up is never easy, but you’ll both recover and move on with your lives.

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