Well, Pilgrims, I am already being persecuted by IRS, for some strange reason they CLAIM they never received my last THREE YEARS of tax returns! Gee, couldn't be a POGROM could it?
After this DOOZY, I'll bet the FREESTATE will be after my ARSE also!
I was always a sucker for PRINCIPLE though!
An Open Letter To
The Smoking NAZIS
Copyright: 02-09-08 - Tom Hyland
Non-Smokers are just normal people who have feelings, so they are OKAY in my book. But ANTI-Smokers are vicious, self-serving ANIMALS! Like the GESTAPO STORM TROOPS, you purposely STEAL away FREEDOMS, and exert POWER, simply because you HAVE it! There is no CARING, Understanding, Justice, or FAIRNESS in your actions - just WRATH!
Banning smoking in government buildings wasn’t enough. Then all public buildings fell to your EVIL plan. Next, you voided the “Reasonable Accommodation” afforded by the ADA ACT, and eliminated “designated smoking areas.” You are aware that nicotine is an ADDICTION, aren’t you? I’m just waiting with ‘baited breath’ for some smart shyster lawyer to file a CLASS ACTION SUIT ON BEHALF OF ALL SMOKERS - this would cost you a few Kopeks, Marks, or Rubles, wouldn’t it? Next, Restaurants with separate dining areas and the smoke eliminating “ZAPPER” machines then became casualties of your WARPED power syndrome.
Then, just recently, you imposed a ONE DOLLAR PER PACK TAX INCREASE on all cigarettes sold here in Maryland. Are you so asinine to believe that you could recoup the SUSPICIOUS SHORTAGES in the State Treasury coffers, in one fell swoop, by GOUGING SMOKERS?
Then, on February 1st, 2008, the DREADED DATE, you PLAYED YOUR TRUMP CARD - SMOKING BANNED IN ALL BARS IN THIS SO-CALLED “FREESTATE!” In your ARROGANT STUPIDITY, you fired your last shot, in the WAR which YOU STARTED!
In effect, you “SHOT THE GOOSE THAT LAID THE GOLDEN EGGS” or even, “SHOT YOURSELF IN THE FOOT!” How so? You may ask. Let me count the ways:
1. To be sure, a relatively FEW smokers will be coerced to QUIT, but the greater majority of us now HATE YOUR GUTS - not ONE of you will ever garner another Smoker’s vote, should you be DUMB enough to run for re-election!
2. It will take a little time - perhaps a week, a fortnight, a month, maybe longer, but ultimately, the worst BOYCOTT you could ever imagine will eventually take its toll - BARS WILL GO BANKRUPT, and you will LOSE that income from business taxes! NO SMALL AMOUNT,
I would bet!
3. POOL LEAGUES - there are at least Three - the APA, TAP, and BAC - every night, in every bar, on every table, two teams play one another - Five matches are played on each table, so $7.00 per player Times 10 = $70.00 for EACH TABLE (TAP IS NOW $80.00) - and let’s just say that there are only about 300 BARS in this now SOCIALIST STATE, then, $70.00 times 300 = $21,000 -Times (let’s be conservative, and say only 5 nights per week - many BARS, and the GREEN ROOM are 7) = $105,000.00 a week, now multiply by 4 weeks = $420,000.00 per MONTH - Times 12 months EQUALS $5,040,000.00 - Guess what - after shooting pool for seven years now, my also conservative estimate would be that 75 PERCENT, or more of all these players are DIE-HARD SMOKERS, like me! NOT HAPPY CAMPERS!
4. Next, consider the LOSS OF TAXES ON CIGARETTE SALES -
WHAT LOSS? Heck, you just RAISED the prices, didn’t you?
Contrary to your THOUGHTLESS OPINION, not all smokers are totally BRAINDEAD! We have two very viable sources of purchasing CHEAPER ciggies. Imagine if you will, two imaginary lines, dividing our FREESTATE into FOUR QUADRANTS, intersecting in the center.
Within roughly ONE HOUR, any smoker with a brain, can zip over to the closest adjoining state, like: Delaware, Virginia, or West Virginia, and LEGALLY PURCHASE A LEGAL PRODUCT AT A CHEAPER, NON-GOUGING PRICE - obtain a one month supply and SAVE MONEY! Just for an example, my brand here now costs $45.00 per carton, in Delaware this past weekend, that SAME brand was $28.00.
Do the math - $17.00 Times 4 = $68.00 I SAVED! The cost of gas and tolls is NEGLIGABLE, but for illustrative purposes, let’s say I ONLY saved FIFTY BUCKS - Times 12 trips per year = $600.00 - and guess what? MARYLAND DOESN’T MAKE A PLUGGED NICKEL!
OH - lest I forget, while many THOUSANDS of us SMOKERS also like to occasionally enjoy a DRINK and playing the SLOTS, these monthly trips could actually become more prevalent entertainment excursions, and those OTHER STATES WILL ALSO REAP THOSE INCOMES TO BOOT! Are you beginning to get the picture yet?
While we are on the subject of SLOTS - while all of you ROCKET SCIENTISTS are hemming and hawing, year in, and year out, over maybe, could be, might - LEGALIZE them in this FREESTATE -
THAT LOST INCOME IS LIKE WATER GOING OVER NIAGARA FALLS! And guess what else, IF AND WHEN you ever do make a decision, and ‘get off the pot’ - how many SMOKERS do you really think will even ENTER the doors of your SELF-DEFEATING NON-SMOKING CASINOS? Footnote: I stopped going to all three of Delaware’s casinos YEARS ago, and highly recommend CHARLESTOWN! They were WISE enough to have SMALL NON-SMOKING AREAS at each entrance area, and the greater preponderance of space is allocated as SMOKING! Must be a handful of SMART businessmen in that HICK STATE, HUH?
Back to your LOSSES now - the OTHER OPTION that smokers have to AVOID your GREED is the GOD-ALMIGHTY INTERNET - this, my FELLOW AMERICANS is even MORE GOODER!
Brain-dead as I have become, over these many years, I totally forgot that I USED to do this - now, I’M BACK! There are so many wonderful choices on the NET - that one may actually tend to SALIVATE! Sometimes it takes a tad of experimentation to find the brand that tastes right and is acceptable to the individual, but just consider this: how about a carton at a mere $9.50, PLUS even a $6.00 SHIPPING CHARGE and Times a Minimum of 5 cartons, that’s only $15.50 Times 5 = $77.50, so I SAVE $29.50 PER CARTON - A WHOPPING $147.50 PER ORDER - AND - I DON’T HAVE TO DRIVE ANYWHERE!
Hopefully, this is still AMERICA, and NOT NAZI GERMANY, OR COMMUNIST RUSSIA, and all of you BRAIN-TRUSTS in ANNAPOLIS may have the mental capacity to NOT ATTEMPT to thwart The Constitution, by doing something even more STUPID!
But, then again, STUPID IS, AS STUPID DOES!
If I should sound just a tad bitter, perhaps a few FACTS might help you to understand why:
As my FORMER wife, and both adult children were non-smokers, for YEARS, every time that we went out to dinner for any Special Occasion, like Father’s Day, or even MY BIRTHDAY, they CHOSE the non-smoking section - so I was forced to leave the table, go to the BAR, have my smoke, and MISS the conversations!
For years, at work, even though we had a DESIGNATED SMOKING AREA, all of the smokers were constantly CRITICIZED for taking too many ‘smoke breaks’. We were ‘herded’ into a ‘glass bowl’ like fish, to be callously ostracized repeatedly! I actually published an article on this phenomenon entitled: “We, The New Lepers.” Subsequently, I was actually FIRED from my position as General Services Manager of almost ELEVEN years, for WRITING and DISTRIBUTING a memo, when that employer CLOSED the LEGAL DESIGNATED AREA!
And guess what, Pilgrims - I would do it all over AGAIN, because there is a PRINCIPLE involved!
Then there were the MYRIADS of times, when I would be sitting outside, in the wonderful PUTREFIED CORPORATE-BELCHING CHEMICAL AIR, minding my own business, having a smoke - and -
Some IGNORANT, but well-meaning non-smoking soul would walk by, and say: “Don’t you know that is bad for your health?” to which I might respond, on a particularly stressing day at work - “Do you have any idea how many people are KILLED every year in automobile accidents?” after the dumbfounded look appeared on their face, then I would ask: “DID YOU QUIT DRIVING?” DUH! Somehow, they seemed to get the point!
Now, retired, at age 67, forced to work part-time to ‘make ends meet’ and being RAPED by exorbitant: GASOLINE PRICES, BGE AVARICE-RIDDEN BILLS, SUBURBAN PROPANE GOUGING COSTS, UNWARRANTED, but ALLOWED USUARY CHARGES ON CREDIT, DESPICABLE OVER-CHARGES BY PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES, ESCALATING MEDICARE PREMIUMS AND ‘BOON-DOGGLES’, and RELENTLESS CIGARETTE TAXES - and another multitude of “RIP-OFFS” by our so-called elected REPRESENTATIVES - this state of my Birth, Homage, and tradition finally ADDS INSULT TO INJURY, BY FORCING ME TO BOYCOTT THE MAIN PLEASURE I HAVE LEFT IN LIFE - SHOOTING POOL!
Yes, my Fellow Patriots, I am just a tad disgruntled. It is bad enough to have a DESPOT sitting in the OVAL OFFICE, but now the tactics used by Hitler and his henchmen in the 1930’s and 1940’s - SMOKING BANS (which, by the way, were a dismal FAILURE) - are now coming Home to Roost, in this - THE FREESTATE!
MAY GOD FORGIVE - AND BLESS - AMERICA - FOR, OBVIOUSLY, NO ONE ELSE WILL!