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Anatomy of a Cheater...Part III
by Jay Watkins   
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last edited: Thursday, January 13, 2011
Posted: Monday, February 11, 2008

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Recent articles by
Jay Watkins

An “Active Faith”: The Key to Achieving all Your Life’s Goals
Anatomy of a Cheater….part I
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Anatomy of a Cheater...Part II
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           >> View all

If you're a relationship veteran, or if commitment is new for you, these tips can help make you "Cheater-Proof" for your special Valentine!

Be “Cheater-Proof” for Your Valentine!


            Have you thought of the millions of dollars that were spent this past Valentine's Day on flowers, candy, jewelry and cards? These millions of dollars are undoubtedly welcomed by merchants who are anxiously anticipating any upward turn in consumer spending. Can you think of the best Valentine’s Day gift you’ve ever received? I’m speaking of neither the most expensive gift, nor the “largest” gift…necessarily. Perhaps, if you think about it carefully, the best Valentine’s Day gift was the one where you perceived that your special someone really thought about you. How could you tell that your gift was selected (or created) especially with you in mind? What were the tell-tale signs that your special someone took the time to learn about you and did something for you that was totally unforgettable? How much did that cost?


            Well, I promised to deliver my list of tips for avoiding the chasm of infidelity in my last article; “Anatomy of a Cheater…Part II”. All of my tips revolve around this idea of thinking of your special someone. Placing his or her needs before your own is the best way to show that you care! I’m going to help you find ways to become “Cheater-Proof” and wrap yourself up as the best Valentine’s Day gift to give to your special someone!


“Cheater-Proof” TIP#1: STOP FANTASIZING!


As I mentioned before in my previous articles your journey toward marital commitment may find you shedding some behaviors that may unintentionally cause discomfort for your mate. The things that we unequivocally do usually begin as thoughts or ideas conjured in our minds. So Tip #1 suggests that you should STOP fantasizing! Contrary to popular belief these days, fantasizing is not necessarily healthy for your relationship…especially if the object of your fantasizing is not your partner. Dwelling in the land of the imagined rarely has restraints. Why would you? There’s no real harm that can come from “Never-Never Land”, right? Wrong! Did you know that the majority of affairs begin as an “escape” from real world problems and relational issues?


The old adage about the grass being greener is very powerful when you’re having problems with the person that you say you love. Unfortunately, fantasizing and allowing your mind to wander into thoughts about your neighbor who smiles enticingly at you or that cute girl you bumped into in the gym may result in exploration of those thoughts and ideas in order to achieve real-world satisfaction and pleasure. When you find yourself thinking about someone or something in a manner that isn’t right….STOP before your thoughts lead to behaviors like flirting or sending signals that you’re available…..which you’re NOT!


“Cheater-Proof” TIP#2: Sparingly enjoy the company of friends and co-workers.



            Tip#2 is a bit harder to pull off in this modern era. If you work outside of the home, you are going to run into people that pique your interests for many different reasons. You’re going to find that you have certain likes and dislikes in common with co-workers of the opposite sex. Interestingly, have you ever thought about the fact that you’ll spend more time talking to and interacting with your coworkers than with your spouse on any given work day? Anyway, it can be hard to find a comfortable way in which to interact without finding yourself enjoying conversations with co-workers more than you would with your girlfriend or spouse. You may have to limit your conversations to work-oriented themes in order to avoid unintentionally sending signals that you are available or interested…..which you’re NOT!


“Cheater-Proof” TIP#3: PAY ATTENTION!


Tip #3 seems like just plain common sense, however, if you’re not used to thinking about what’s really going on around you, or what may be going on inside of someone else’s mind regarding their perceptions of your behavior this can be a new undertaking. Nevertheless, with a little practice you can master this skill. Every guy who is of age knows when someone is hitting on his girlfriend. You can use these same instincts of awareness to know or detect when a co-worker or other acquaintance is beginning to find you more than casually interesting. Pay attention to how you respond in these situations. Remember that what was once a reason to celebrate when you were single is now a cause for alarm when you are committed. There is no reason to panic, but be aware that some who are interested in you may not curb their advances…even if you do wear a ring! It is up to you to remember that you belong to someone special who deserves your fidelity and will return your fidelity. That is what being trustworthy is about. That is becoming “Cheater-Proof”!


With all of the images and ideas of infidelity that we are bombarded with daily through the media, technology, and in the workplace you might find that becoming “Cheater-Proof” is not an easy task. No, and it will never be. You must remember that you have to fight daily for the survival of your commitment, love, and your relationship. So, dear reader, as I leave you to choose which vase in which to have your dozen roses delivered to your special “Cheater-Proof” Valentine, I’d like to share a passage that I’ve found very encouraging in establishing the right frame of mind for this undertaking.


“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true ,

whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.....and the God of peace shall be with you.” (Taken from Philippians 4: vs.8, 9)


Have a “Cheater-Proof” Valentine’s Day!



Jay Watkins is a certified counselor and the creator of The Bachelor’s Boot Camp ™. He is committed to helping young men understand their role and responsibilities in marriage. His book outlines the purposes and process for an alternative to the traditional “bachelor party”. You may contact him at the websites below.


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