edited: Friday, March 07, 2008
By George E. Albitz
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Tuesday, March 04, 2008
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Political news of a scientific nature
As many of you know I have The Bushman's private cell number on my speed dial, which I obtained from my undisclosed DC informer who posted it on the Pennsylvania Avenue McDonald's (Men's) bathroom wall. I caution those of you who hope to rush there for the number – that wall is heavily staked-out by Secret Service, CIA, FBI, (and agencies we don't even know exist,) who keep the facility sparkling clean with under-cover agents posing as janitors and rest room “attendants”. I hear there is even a US Senator lounging about tapping his foot to the tune of “You made me love you.” Any person or person's showing interest in the number are highly scrutinized and never heard from again.
Editor's note: The number is also etched on the wall of the Burger King across the street under the heading, “For a good time call George.”
Anyway – I called the Prez and asked him about the recent avalanche on Mars?
“Of course I'm surprised! I didn't even realize they had snow this year? Our winter has been quite warm compared to other years. Avalanches are one of Nature's most ravishing forces and I feel we need to get over there quickly if we hope to find any survivors. Fortunately, as you know, Martians don't breath air so we don't have to worry about them suffocating. As with all avalanches they can probably sustain themselves by eating the snow, however I hear it contains a lot of dirt. Anyway we are rushing to build a spaceship for the rescue voyage. I'm leaning toward something comparable to the design of the Enterprise in Star Trek II, but they tell me that is way beyond our budget guidelines. This may lead over to a job for the Democrats.”
Since he opened the door I asked his thoughts on the upcoming elections.
“No problems there George, I take those pills!”
I rephrased the question.
OH! The ELECTIONS! Ha Ha...no problem there either. The Democrats are advertising “Something New” with either the first woman, or the first black president...I've come up with an idea of my own. I'm in the process of adopting a Mexican son and figure to run him as the first “Third George Bush.” To the best of my knowledge that's never been done before, and there are millions of Mexicans ready to fill out their green Spanish ballots. I predict a bigger fiasco than the one in Florida. As you know we do well in fiascos.”
Depending on the way you look at it the future may look bright – or not.