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arizona n hawkins

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By arizona n hawkins   
Not "rated" by the Author.
Last edited: Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Posted: Tuesday, May 20, 2008

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About my Mom

I"m going to start today telling another chapter of my life that has truly affected me and ultimately helped lead me to God.

As most of you know, my mom passed away in July of 2007. In November of 2006 she had been diagnosed with adenocarsinoma, which is a type of lung cancer. By February we had also found out that the cancer had been passed to her lymphnodes and brain. She went into the hospital with a very very low oxygen level and nearly died. The doctors gave her 6 weeks to 3 months to live but she kept on fighting and made it until July.

I can remember many times that chaplan’s from the hospital would come to the house to pray for mom but she seemed to be very reluctant about it. She eventually told us that she did not want them to come back in her house.

My mom was never really religious. She did go to church with us every now and then when we grow up but it was’t many times. Regardless of her religion, she was a great mom. She had the most loving, forgiving, and giving heart. I remember growing up and always having a housefull of kids. There were four of us and I was the oldest. But even tho mom only had 4 biological kids... we always had other kids living with us.

They called mom Ellie Mae because she also couldn’t stand to see a stray animal homeless. We always had lots of animals. Not just dogs. She had taken in animals anywhere from wounded flying squirrels to orphaned baby racoons. She couldn’t pass up a stray whether it be an animal or a person.

She was always strict raising us as far as making sure that we treated others with kindness and compassion. My siblings and I were not aloud to argue,  not at all. We were raised nothing like the kids these days, but thats a whole nother book.

Anyways there was this one lady, my mom’s best friend, that mom would allow to talk to her about God. And she would let her annoint her with oil and pray for her. My mom would always say she felt so good after she would pray for her. It was amazing in my eyes because of how my mom felt about religion. She wasn’t athiest. She very well bellieved in God. She just didnt believe in the way many religions worked. Mom believed in LOVE!

The story that I am getting to is in the week of my mom’s death. She had woke up asking for my dad to tell me and her best friend to come over there. When I got there is was just so heart wrenching. I rubbed her back cause she was in pain. She had taken all the medicine we could allow her to have but still was begging. The words " Please help me, Naomi " still haunts my soul. She just cried that over and over. It so horrible for someone you love to beg for your help and your sitting right next to them and your just totally helpless. There was nothing that I could do.

I remember as i rubbed her back and tried to fight back my tears, trying to be strong for my Dad..... her friend began reading Psalm 23. She would say a few words and then have my mom repeat those words. Mom struggled to even get the words right even with her friend reading them out one by one.

Later on we got her into another bed and we were just  fighting for her life. Trying to give her water, trying to keep a close eye on her vitals and so on. Her face was so swollen and even tho she was only 44yrs old, she looked then as if she was 30 yrs older.She couldnt sit up on her own... and if we sat her up we would have to hold her up or she would fall. She would weep and make these aweful noises. she was in so much pain.

Even though I wasnt very familuar with who God was then... I had been praying for months that she would be healed. But as i heard my mom , with that voice, just begging and weeping for help to stop the pain. I knelt beside her bed with my head on her hip and prayed that God would take the pain from her.

Within minutes or even seconds after that prayer my mom sat straight up in the bed with absolutely no help. She looked straight ahead and spoke every word of psalm 23 ; as if she had been saying that verse her entire life and she didnt miss one word or even one syllable. It was so amazing. I know for a fact that my mom didnt know that verse. Her reciting that alone was a sign to me but it didn’t end there.

My mom laid back in that bed. And tho she passed 3 days afterwards... she never woke back up. But as she lie there, she began losing all of her swelling, all her wrinkles, all the pain in her face, it was all gone. She looked so young. So beautiful. The aweful noises she had been making from pain left. The only sounds she would make were these ’ahhh’ sighs. Like it was relief. It was almost as if she was seeing something amazing. As sad as it was.. it was also so beautiful.

I didnt realize all of this then tho. I just wanted my mom back. I wanted her to wake up and laugh and talk to me. I remember people coming in and talking to her. I remember people saying that she could hear us and thats why she was sighing, because she was getn so much love from us.

Out of anger and sadness, i remember thinking to myself...."She can’t hear them, she can’t hear me. I’m the only one being realistic about all of this"  I didnt say that but I thought it. Soon after I thought that I was washing mom up and decided that I would just do it anyways... so i put my cheek to her cheek and whispered.. " I love you mom".

At that same time my phone rang. So I asked my dad could he handle her without me for a moment and I went to check my phone. There was a voicemail. There was a voicemail from my mom! ! ! My mom had been in coma state for days. And .... I ..... was just at that moment getting a voicemail she left the very day before she got sick. The voicemail said this , .. in a very sweet and silly voice...         " Naomi, its ya momma. Call me back pweeease. I wuv u!"....

I was speechless. I’m still speechless.


There has to be a God. And He does hear me. And He does love me.

There is a God. He hears you, and He does love you!

Just listen closely people. Watch closely to the little things that happen around you. God is there. Once you’ve felt what I have felt for even a second... you will know just how amazing He is.

My mom isn’t here.. but I know God had His purposes. I miss her so deeply but I don’t question Him about taking her. I know by the sighs that she is exactly where I want to be. Exactly were I will join her one sweet day.


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