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Aleshia A Alston

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Men of God Cheat?
By Aleshia A Alston   
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
Last edited: Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Posted: Wednesday, June 11, 2008

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This article explores why Christian men cheat o their wives.

 Men of God Cheat?

Do men who love God cheat on their wives? Instances of infidelity go back as far as Abraham and Sarah. The bible records men who loved God but had issues with their flesh. Abraham cheated on Sarah with Hagar and even had a child with her. Talk about baby momma drama! David had a reputation for being “fond” of women. Actually to say he was fond of them is an understatement. David’s son Solomon was a notorious cheater with 700 wives and 300 concubines. Did these instances of indiscretion negate their relationship with God? It most certainly did not. What would cause a man of God to cheat?

When asked, “Do men cheat?” Men unanimously responded, “All men don’t cheat”.  The follow up question was, “Have you ever cheated?” Some men honestly said yes. When asked why they cheated, the men were surprisingly candid. Men gave a plethora of reasons why they cheated on their wives. Some men admitted that they simply were not ready to be married. Some got married because their wife was pregnant or it just seemed like the right thing to do. Let’s park there for a second. This is a real issue and a valid point, not a valid reason but a valid point. It started with Adam. In the Garden of Eden, Adam desired a mate. It is interesting to note that to prepare Adam for his help meet, God put Adam to sleep.  We could gather that a man must be prepared to become a husband. It is also interesting to note that Eve just appeared on the scene.  That may explain why a woman is ready to commit after a few good dates but it takes a man much, much longer. At any rate, men who cheated admitted they did so because they simply were not ready for that level of commitment.

Men also admitted to cheating because of feelings of inadequacy. In other words, they felt like less than a man because they were less educated, made less money, or felt overshadowed by a wife who was called to ministry. These men said they were not belittled by their wives. They just were not able to cope with their own insecurities. One man shared that he and his wife always talked about being entrepreneurs.  He started a business and his wife worked with him for years. Eventually, when the business was stable and doing well, she started her own business. The man felt abandoned and jealous because her business turned a bigger profit. Subsequently he cheated causing the demise of the marriage.

Sex is not a weapon! That bears repeating, sex is not a weapon. The most popular response to “Why men cheat?” was the wife withheld sex. The bible clearly teaches that if you withhold sex from your mate, you are asking for trouble. When that is done, it opens the door for the enemy to come in and wreck havoc on your marriage. Honestly, women are guilty of using sex as a mean to control or punish a man.  Another popular response among the men was, “She just didn’t have time for me.” Ladies, do not make the mistake of being so busy with work, the children, and church that you are too busy to cater to your husband. The men shared that like women, they enjoy feeling wanted. Translation- Call him just to say hi. Leave him love notes in his car or briefcase. Men love affection. So ladies, walk up behind him and wrap your arms around him not just when you want him to do something on the “honey do” list. If you don’t someone else will.

Do men of God cheat? Unfortunately, it happens from time to time. Does it happen as often as the media would like you to believe? No, it doesn’t. They are many more faithful men than unfaithful ones.  Since there is no insurance that you can buy to protect your marriage, there are some things you can do to safeguard it.

1.      Keep Christ in the center of your marriage. When you leave the altar, don’t leave Him there.

2.      Communicate- Tell your mate how you honestly feel. If you have unmet needs express them. Don’t expect them to just know.

3.      Romance- Keep the fire burning. Continue to date even though you’re married.  Be affectionate. Dress up for your mate.

4.      Work, work, work- Marriage is hard work. However if you are willing to work at it, it will work.

5.      Keep God first.  That brings us back to the first point. A wise woman once said, “If he falls out of love with God, you’re next.”

 

 

Web Site: Kingdom Builder Magazine


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Reviewed by Renita Ransom (Reader) 8/2/2009
what about the other side to this story. I maybe wrong, but romance and love go both ways. If you want love you have to give it. Do the men you speak of act "lovey dovey" and romantic as well and are just shut down repeatedly? It seems like the blame is unbalanced. How is it that the home is so busy, that the women doesn't have time, couldn't the load be lightened by the other spouse, stay at home moms don't get vacation times, sick days, coffee breaks, assistants, or office hours that the regular worker gets. Her day does not end at five pm. To me it would seem that if this is the problem and the wife has just gotten used to being bogged down and forgotten about sex, the man has some responsibility to help with her overwhelmed feeling and not just add to the load without taking anything off. If sex is an expression of love, you are not showing love by ignoring your wife's feelings.

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