My Past Life III
edited: Friday, June 13, 2008
By D. Scott Arant
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Friday, June 13, 2008
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Scott gets clearer insight on his past life as a rich man. See My Past Life I and II for more clarification.
My Past Life-Part III
On 5-21-2008 I was speaking with a friend about things over the telephone. She noticed I was “quite in rare form” as she put it. I said to her, “Really”? I was not aware of it. She said in this conversation that I sounded a little “preachy” in my words and wondered what was behind the energy? told her that I was uncertain of it and my own wife had mentioned to me this aspect to me in the past. I would sort of, get on my high preaching pedestal and instead of just talking to people, I felt I must preach at them. Of course, this tweaked my ego some but I thanked her for her honesty. She also brought up the fact that I laughed a lot when I was nervous and sensed that even this laughter was me hiding from some pain. (See, My Inner Child article for more details on the above conversation).
This caused me to think some. Even though my precious wife has brought it up to me numerous times, sometimes you have got to hear the truth from someone else, outside of your immediate family to see clearer. I told my friend that I would go to God about this to find out what the roots were to this behavior in my life. The following is a meditation similar to a Journey® process that I took myself on…it was fantastic and quite a bit came out of it…I hope you are as blessed as I was through it.
I went into meditation today to find out why I was so preachy, and had to come across as one who had to be a “know it all.” I knew by my last writing on My Inner Child why I was acting out this but I had no idea it still had roots in my previous past life. More detail came out of this experience and a knowing that seemed to facilitate some more healing. I have done numerous Journey® processes for this inner child, but this one was very special to me. I must again thank my personal friend, and my wife for bringing these things to my consciousness.
I went down a spiraled staircase that would lead me to my Higher Self. This staircase to me, in my minds-eye, appeared as a dark oak with dark iron spindles on it and covered on top with more dark oak. With each step I took, there were a total of ten steps to it, I would begin to relax and go deeper into my real self. I took my time feeling my way down each stair step, feeling relaxed with each step. When I stepped on the next to last step on this magical staircase into my soul, I saw myself as whom I really was, the essence of God and my expansive self. I almost was floating when I reached this next to the last step in my meditation. I acclimated myself to this presence that I felt. I felt my expansiveness go out and fill the world and the universe with this divine energy.
I saw a massive door about ten feet high in front of me as I placed my feet on the last step of the staircase. For me this door always shows up like the old Spanish door, very rustic, old, and large with an arched top. I envisioned this door to have the old hardware on it like you would see in some of the old movies showing this type of door. I would open this doorway into my Higher Self. When I do this, I see a beautiful Garden of Eden like paradise before me. I step into the doorway and onto a path. There are beautiful and pristine trees and foliage of all kinds. There are fields of lush grass and I can see beautiful mountains in the background scenery with water falls going into a beautiful ocean valley. This is where I initially met my spiritual guide by the name of Gwendolyn. This is also where I first met my sweet inner child I call Scotty.
Scotty, seemingly about the age of six when I see him, came to meet me upon this beautiful path. He was so happy to see me that he ran when he first saw me, and jumped into my arms. We hugged and he held me very tightly like he does when he is afraid. He didn’t want me to let go. I finally said to him, “Would you like to ride on my back”? He was excited to do this and I moved him to my back where he wanted to run along the path. There was a clearing where I have met my spiritual guide Gwendolyn, and I looked to the side and saw her from afar. I ran even faster to meet her. I put little Scotty down from my back and greeted Gwendolyn. I gave her a big hug and we exchanged love energy. She was so happy to meet with me again.
All three of us, myself as the older me, little Scotty, my inner-child of six, and “sweet” Gwendolyn as I call her, my spiritual guide and mentor. Gwendolyn has made it known to me that she has been with me for a “very long time” in our earthly term of speaking. She is a gift to me from God, to point me to my Higher-Self, which is God. She has even made it known to me that she is an extension of my Higher-Self, God.
Gwendolyn asked me and little Scotty to take a seat on a grassy clearing. We all three sat together with little Scotty between Gwendolyn and myself. Gwendolyn then showed me a mental picture of something that I had seen before only in more detail of my past life mentioned in earlier articles. (For more information on this past life experience see the articles, My Past Life I, and My Past life II for more clarification. I supposed, or assumed, by our last communication found in the article My Inner Child, that I would be healing somehow my little inner child Scotty. But I was surprised when she showed me this mental picture of me.
She showed me a picture of my earthly father at this time. It was the late 1600’s when I was brought into this life in America. I don’t know, or it has not been revealed to me of what country I came from, just that I was born in West Virginia in the late 1600’s. I was born one of three children and I was the middle child. My father and mother bore three sons. My oldest brother hated my earthly father so much at an early age he moved out of the home and became a trapper of furs. My father was an importer of slaves, and was a tobacco farmer. He was very prosperous and rich in this life.
Gwendolyn showed me more insight into the way my father behaved in this life. He was a ruthless person who was only out for gain at all other costs. He took no commands or instruction from anyone. He was indeed the captain of his own ship…his own master. He bowed to no one and answered to no one. He was a cruel father Gwendolyn showed me. He would berate all of his sons and make them feel less than human. Quite caustic with his piercing tongue and had no problem telling you what to do and where to go. He was quite amazing as an individual. His wife, my mother died of a disease that was consistent with that day and time. He bereaved her death as we all did. He did not marry again, but did take the female slaves as his own concubines whenever he wanted to fulfill his biological urges. He was a cruel and harsh taskmaster of a person and it was his way or the highway type of thinking.
He would ridicule me mercilessly. He would do it to all his sons, but the youngest died of typhoid fever. The oldest, moved out because in his words he would kill his father if he stayed. I stayed as the compliant one of the children, knowing that someday I would take over his fortune when he was to die. I ran his plantation and tobacco farm while he went on boats across the seas in search of slaves. Some of the slaves he sold at barter, and some were retained for his plantation. He ran his life and all others with the “iron fist.” All his sons hated him, but I just cowed down under him and took the abuse day in and day out. He would lay into me with his words and they would devastate my self-image, in fact Gwendolyn, made it known to me that I had no self image…it was crushed in this lifetime…but all for a divine reason.
You see, in every lifetime we experience, we are learning far more than our conscious mind is aware of. We are learning eternal truths, which become our truth. Gwendolyn made it clear to me that each life-time we experience is not wasted. They are all for divine purpose and something our soul wanted us to experience. She repeated to me that this lifetime is brought to my consciousness now because I had carried over some unconscious thoughts that were impeding my life now. My soul had called for healing and now was the time to address this past life.
By going into this past life it would bring things to my conscious mind so that I could be aware of the “hidden programs” that were running in my sub-conscious mind. Unless, it comes to our conscious mind, we seem to be doomed to experience the negative aspects that are carried over to this present lifetime.
Then Gwendolyn showed me a mental picture again of Marie, my previous wife. Gwendolyn told me that I married Marie out of love, but it was really to be able to make me feel better about myself. She was as told before, “drop-dead” gorgeous in her appearance. She was one of many children of her father and mother who were poor. Her father would tell her that when she became of age to marry a “rich” man because he will take care of you. She was told not to marry for mere “love”, but for money. She was told that love was just a “fairytale” and love could not be trusted. The only thing that would take care of her when she got older was a man with wealth.
Both of us gravitated to each other as she was the talk of all the men-folk in town. They would have “killed” to be married to such a one as Marie. Well, along came me, no self-image at all, and needing to fulfill this deep hole in my heart. Marie fit the bill for me. I asked her to marry me and she accepted at once. Her father was elated. We had a big wedding where the whole town was invited. It was quite the ceremony and party. Marie and I danced the night away. She convinced herself to love me for the money or the wealth I could provide her, but she really did not love me. You see how we were both “perfect” partners for each other in this lifetime?
I was devastated as I came back to my home early one afternoon to see her with another man in my own bed! I opened my room’s door only to find her cavorting with her lover. Gwendolyn showed me that because all my worth was wrapped up in this woman and how she made me feel around others that I quickly closed the door and never brought the affairs up. There were many of them, not just a single incident. It was her way of getting her love needs fulfilled, as I was unable to fit this mold.
I would have sex with her and she would perform as any woman might do by faking orgasms with me to make me feel good about myself, and my manhood. I knew in the depths of my heart that it was all a façade and fake, but I danced with it. I could not afford to lose this beautiful woman in spite of her infidelities and betrayals. I was caught in a trap, and I could not get out in this lifetime as Elvis Presley sang about. My entire identify, which after my father had his way with me, was null and void. Without Marie, I was a “nothing.” She became my entire identity in life.
She died Gwendolyn showed me in her early 40’s of an infection in her lungs. She died a fairly slow death and I ended up taking care of her physically in her last days on earth. This so hurt me, that Gwendolyn showed me, that even her sickness carried over to this present life. I asked her how? She told me that whenever my present wife Sharon gets sick what do I do? I have this paralyzing feeling that comes over me and I feel absolutely powerless to help her. I usually go off to myself when she gets sick and I don’t like to be around her, which is sad for her. I escape and run when Sharon my present wife gets sick. Gwendolyn showed me this was another “carry-over” from this past life with Marie.
I hated to see Marie suffer and die like that. Selfishly, she was all I had for an identity. Gwendolyn showed me that this time in my life is for healing. I have an inner child that desperately is calling for me, because he is wounded and needs my help. I am not sure where this is all going to lead. It is quite a journey I am on. I know now, it is all meant for my good, and ultimate well being.
Gwendolyn told me that this past life in more detail was brought to my present consciousness to facilitate the inner healing of my wounded inner-child.