These are just dreams of all of my yesterdays. I am sure that we all have them. Happy dreams.
"A Night In The life."
Last night I was walking around this dismal town and my mind wandered back to a more gentler time. A time when we had love songs and warm summer evenings. When the only thing that we really feared was sudden storms that rose up during a picnic on the Hudson.
In a distance I heard Little Anthony singing "Tears On My Pillow," and the Drifters crooning "Under The Boardwalk," and Sand in my Shoes. For a moment, and forever I was sipping on a 10 cent soda through a collapsed paper straw. And watching young lovers kiss in the stairwell as they promised never to part, while Billy Stewart sang "I Do Love you" in the background on the Hi Fi. I could once again see through the windows of smokey bars on Madison Avenue, and savor the sound of the Platters singing "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes".
Then in the distance of my hearts mind I am reminded of my own "Lonely Tear Drops." I look to the four corners of my existence and I wonder how did I get here. And no-matter what direction I turn, there is nowhere for me to go. I wonder what happened to blankets on the fire escape in the summer and bed sheets flung over the clothes line up on the roof, a camp site in the forest of the minds of two inner city little boys, Bobby and Gut. What happened to the wonderful dreams that we had under the stars and six stories up in the clouds?
Oh my dear Friends, the wonder of it all and the swiftness of time past and the shortness of time left did bring tears to me eyes. I have been around the world three times and fought in many a battle. I have drank from goblets filled with the best of wines and watched as the most comely of women danced the night away.
I have ridden upon the backs of swift ponies and sought out and killed men, not unlike myself, for the sake of peace. I have longed to love one woman all of my life and crave her smile, still, much more than her touch in my dreams. I saw the beauty of Gods gift of life come fourth from her body and cradle pure love in my arms seconds after her birth. I have kissed her gently upon her shoulder and then with care, so as not to wake her from the softness of her slumber, I laid the covers upon them so that she would not suffer to feel the chill of the night. I have not known Gods promise, I have not known love. She though was just a dream that never came true . A dream within a dream.
I am often saddened when people look at me like they know that I have nowhere to go. They know not the man in me. The man who would just like to go home to all of my yesterdays and not have to face any of my tomorrows. I would love to just go to sleep and wake up in a place where peace abounds and pain is nonexistent. How Long the nights are, and cold and lost the days. There is nothing soft and gentle beneath the stars tonight, only the promise of another day of walking toward nowhere and returning to nothing.
As I have said already, Once I only feared the suddenness of a storm, now I am constantly engulfed in fear of every moment that I am alive. I am in a dark room and cannot find the door that leads to the sunlit pastures of happiness. And from time to time throughout the day I think deeply upon the words of that great author that once wrote, "To Sleep, To Dream No more." And the lyrics that are so profound in my life, "I Who Have Nothing." Not even a simple love song. And they say that a man ain't supposed to cry. Though accused, I am guilty of nothing more than being innocent.