AuthorsDen.com  Join (free) | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
   Services MarketPlace (Free to post!)
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: M.D. Wiselka, irichard cederberg, iWynn Schiller, iJacob Taylor, iReverend Dr. Linda De Coff, iMaryAngela Nangini, iPatricia Garber, i
  Home > April Fools > Articles
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Tom Hyland

· Become a Fan
  Notify me of new titles
  added by this author.

· 961 titles
· 4,118 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
·
Member Since: Feb, 2003

   Sitemap
   My Blog
   Success Story
   Contact Author
   Message Board
   Read Reviews

Books
· The New Jerusalem - Chapters 1 - 5

· Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons


Short Stories
· CHICKEN SCRATCHES ?

· DADDY ... ADDENDUM

· DADDY, WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE MILITARY?

· THREE LITTLE ... EDS !

· ALL MY CARS - PART 2

· ALL MY CARS

· AU-TO-MO-BILES

· BIG LUG CONTINUED !

· SLURPEES !

· THE BIG LUG !


Articles
· The BLIMP

· 9 / 11 : PRESS For TRUTH

· NEW WORDS WITH FRIENDS

· BEATING A DEAD HORSE ?

· IF I WON ... ?

· Delegate or Stagnate

· THE PARTY OF NO - PART DOS !

· sick - sicK - SICK !

· Is Life Just an Impulse ?

· BGE Sucks !


Poetry
· SHRIMPY

· OF ALL THE GIRLS I LOVED BEFORE ...

· ALL HALLOWS EVE

· HONEY, OUR VOWS MEANT NOTHING TO YOU ... BUT I DIDN'T KNOW

· CONTEMPLATING BAMBI’S NAVEL

· DANGLING PARTICIPLES ?

· BIG 5 0 !

· COURAGE

· AS FOR ME ...

· LIFE IS LIKE ... A BOOK

         More poetry...
News
· PATRICIA ANN ALLEN

· JERSEY DEVIL... aka KNAVE WUSS-A-LOT Update !

· JERSEY DEVIL HANGING IN THERE STILL !

· ED MATLACK IN HOSPITAL !

· ONE MILLION !

· ONLY 2,639 TO GO!

· 805,000 + HITS !

Tom Hyland, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

MEDIOCRE CRAP?
By Tom Hyland
Last edited: Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Posted: Wednesday, March 24, 2010



Share    Print   Save  Become a Fan
Recent articles by
Tom Hyland

• The BLIMP
• 9 / 11 : PRESS For TRUTH
• NEW WORDS WITH FRIENDS
• BEATING A DEAD HORSE ?
• IF I WON ... ?
• Delegate or Stagnate
• THE PARTY OF NO - PART DOS !
           >> View all 366


"IF IT LOOKS LIKE CRAP -
AND IT SMELLS LIKE CRAP -
IT MUST BE ... ME!"







Mediocre Crap?

© - Tom Hyland - 03-04-10 to 03-24-10

Is All just Crap?


RE: My - Hero Worship?

3/4/2010
Mr. Ed
Please don't forget - Underdog!

"No need to fear,
Underdog is here!"

MR. ED -

Believe it or not, saw him in the list, but forgot to add - JUST DID!

Thought of Rocky & Bullwinkle also, but left them out -
so maybe you can ‘develop’ something for them?

Peace Bro - TK.

3/4/2010
Georg Mateos

Heroes? between you and Kublai Khan I can't decide...hmmmm...

Cuz EDvard

CUZ GEO -

K K KOMES BEFORE T K ALPHABETICALLY ... TK.


3/3/2010
John Domino

Dynamic poetry Tom!

JMD

JOHN - THANKS!

LOTS OF ‘DYNAMIC DUOS’ WERE WOEFULLY OVERLOOKED. TK.

3/3/2010
Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado

Anyone who serves their country or helps those in need are my heroes! :)

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D

DEAR T-T LADY - AMEN M’DEAR - AMEN!

VETERANS ARE TOP OF MY LIST ALSO - SORRY I DIDN’T THINK TO INCLUDE THEM - MY ‘THEME’ WAS RUNNING ON A DIFFERENT VEIN.

MANY MORE ‘UNSUNG HEROES’ OUTRANK ALL THE ‘FICTION’ GUYS!

PEACE ... TOMKAT.

3/3/2010
JASMIN HORST SEILER

You're not confused Tom, go right to the source.
Refreshing insight laid bare once more. Peace! Jasmin Horst

‘JAS’ MAN -

I DID START WITH A ‘THEME’ ... HOPE IT WORKED. TK.

3/3/2010
Ed Matlack

Heroes? I have thought of you as a hero in your own way...e

DEAR ‘MATCHLESS’ -

MOI? NO HERO, MY FRIEND ...
JUST ANOTHER GOOD ‘MARYLAND DRIVER’ ...
BUT, WITH A BIG MOUTH!

DID YEW GIT A MO-PED YET? TK.

===================================================

RE; J’NIA FOWLER’S - Insanity Plea -

J'NIA -

Here in the states, I have never understood the 'logic’ of an Insanity Plea -

In my book. it should be - GUILTY - by reason of Insanity - NOT - the NOT GUILTY!

One human entity MURDERS another, perhaps on National Television, viewed by Millions of viewers - like maybe SIRHAN SIRHAN - the Victim is definitely and irreversibly DEAD - we all SAW it happen - there is NO DOUBT - yet some shyster lawyer pleads him as -
NOT GUILTY BY REASON OF TEMPORARY INSANITY ...

IF THERE IS ANYTHING INSANE, IT IS THAT PLEA!

SO - we 'slap them on the knuckles', send them to the 'booby-hatch' for a couple of years - then, ultimately let them out - to
DO IT AGAIN! DUH?

If there was ever a case for Capital Punishment - it is for the PSYCHOPATH!

Could it be simply that all Judges and Lawyers are - INSANE?

EH WOT ??? TK.

===================================================

RE: My - That’s Life! -

3/15/2010
Mr. Ed

That's Life, indeed. And That's Rotten! (What my brother Jersey said.)


PEEWEE -

Jus' waitin' patiently for the third OLDEST Stooge to show up ...

usually, the most acerbic, or caustic one ...

then - let the games begin ...

E-body B good! TK.


3/14/2010
Ed Matlack

And your pits are the worst...LOL! Stay cleaner...e

by Tom Hyland (author) at 3/14/2010 5:36:41 PM

ED ... NOW THAT YOU'VE SMELLED ME ... BITE ME !!! :) :) :) TK.


Posted by Ed Matlack (author) at 3/14/2010 7:41:12 PM

Hi Tom : Thanks for that laugh, bro'...ed


3/15/2010
Georg Mateos

If "...life is a Bowl of Cherries..." you are standing by shower time on a coeds dormitory! (LOL)

Cuz EDvard

AHA! The ‘Third Oldest ED Stooge’ finally signed in!

Dear Cuz EDvard - how Wrong yew are! Young Coed ‘Cherries’ are NOT my ‘cup o’ tea’ . age 69 - RATHER -

MORE EXPERIENCED ‘WOMEN OF THE WORLD’ -t’would be my preference! Ladies in their 50’s would be Par Excellence’ - perhaps a feisty Irish Red-head like Maureen O’Hara in ‘The Quiet Man.’

Or a Strawberry Blonde, like Julia Roberts, in ‘Pretty Woman’ - she was ‘HOT - HOT - HOT!’ Next, a Demure Blonde, like Meg Ryan, in ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ - SHE has been an ‘All-Time Favorite’ for Years Now!

Next, in my ‘BOWL’ would be some Exotic Femme Fatales, like: Sophia Loren, a voluptuous Italian ‘Hot-Blooded Amore - and maybe even Honor Blackman, who played a knowledgeable Pilot in ‘Goldfinger’ - ‘Pussy Galore’ - She knew how to ‘Take the Wheel and Drive!’

Next, to throw in a little Oriental Twist, or even Tryst - Lucy Lui - for maybe a dangerous Martial Arts ‘Warm-Up’ - ( side-note - I love to eat Mandarin Oranges ) - and finally, a little ‘Lite Chocolate’ should be added to my ‘Bowl of Cherries’ - Halle Berry, in Bond’s ‘Die Another Day’ ...

This would ‘round out’ my ‘Bowl’ to a Lucky Seven’ - surely, it would probably Kill me - but - What a Lovely Way to Go!

So - Ole Cuz - yew keep yer young college Coeds ... I’ll stick with Experience - Baggage n’ All!

Peace ... El Gato Enormo!

3/15/2010
J'nia Fowler

Very clever Tom. Truth; a strange yet lofty goal it is to attempt to discover it. To my way of thinking truth is like deep waters. You can see the surface and you can know it is deep but how deep? One can only discover this by jumping in and exploring its depths. I love the way your mind works Tom.

J’NIA - THANKS!

I HAVE A MIND?
You are too kind!

Submariners - BEWARE!

TK.




===================================================

RE: Randall D. Barfield’s - “Another Goodbye” -

RANDY -

DIDN'T KNOW! BOY! YOU'RE REACHIN' WAY BACK!

MOST KNOW PETER FROM 'MISSION IMPOSSIBLE -

FEW KNOW HE WAS A STEP-BROTHER TO JAMES ARNESS - OLE 'MATT DILLON' FROM GUNSMOKE - WHO PLAYED THE ROLE OF 'THE THING' IN THE ORIGINAL SCI-FI FLICK!

R.I.P. TOM.

===================================================

RE: J’nia’s - “The Square Root” -

J'NIA - WELL SAID, GAL!

My first thought was the Pythagorian Theorem -

"In any given right triangle - the Square of the Hypotenuse is Equal to the Sum of the Squares of the Other two sides."

OR - a2 + b2 = c2 or ... c = the Square Root of a2 + b2.

If'n you get a chance, see my olde poem - "The Beauty of Mathematics" ...

Science and Math - BLOW the theory of CHAOS!

Pax Tecum - Tom.

===================================================

RE: Matlack’s - You Must Know My Mother ... -

JOISEY -

IF - PEEWEE N' GEORGIE-PORGIE DON'T TELL YER MA -
I WILL!

Reminds me of a fella I once worked with at SSA in 1961 - Glen was from the hills of PA - he always said: "there's two kinds of people in this world - Hill-Billies n' Sons O' Bitches -

I'm Glad I'm a Hill-Billy!" TK.

===================================================

RE: REGIS’ - Why Duality? -

REG -

A most prodigious write! Deep - portentous - ominous ...

And what Georg just posted - the answer is this - NO - these little 'gods' may know the difference between 'build' and 'destroy' - BUT - they are overwrought with APATHY - Ergo, DO NOTHING to stop destruction.

The 'WHO'S' are always where they want to be -

'ON FIRST BASE' !!!

Peace - TK.

===================================================

RE: SAINT PATTY’S ...

Hi Mr. Ed:

AND A HAPPY ST. PATTY'S IT WAS!

Went to Maynard's - had corned beef and cabbage and taters for $3.17 -

enjoyed several GREEN beers - won $50 bucks on Slots (for amusement only machines) -

at Karaoke sang 'DANNY BOY' - for my Dad!

had delicious Crab Dip with little loaf of bread -

washed it down with a nice Irish Coffee (Jameson's AND Bailey's)

crooned - 'Mack The knife' - NAILED IT TOO!

got "Hit On" - by a young blonde thing from ENGLAND -

and was home by 11 PM - (by myself) ...

all in all - A GRAND EVENING!

HAIR IN YER BRA !!! TK.

===================================================

RE: My - “Newton’s Dark Secret - REVIEW ...

3/18/2010
Georg Mateos

The question is: had Newton's apple a worm? if so, how it would have gotten in the way of the law-of-gravity if it had wings?
Just asking...

Cuz EDvard

NO GEORG - NO WORM!

and ... worms do NOT have wings!

also ... IF it had a caterpillar - AND - he/she turned into a Butterfly on the way down - now that's a different story!

wherefore - said butterfly's wings' flaps would be inversely proportional to the mass of the apple -

ergo the butterfly effect would cause a .0000001...
carried out Fifty decimal places slowing effect on the fall.

so that the speed of gravity of 32 feet/per second/per second Might equate to -
.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 -
slower, IF on a Tuesday!

as a corollary though, IF the butterfly happened to be in the KAMIKAZI mode, and dive-bombing, the effect would be 180 degrees the opposite!

yew may use either Euclidian Geometry, or Calculus to calculate the exact figure!

the relationship between Adam's Apple, and Newton's Apple are still being debated by followers of Robert Hook!

Q.E.D. TK NEWTON ! the semi-quasi FIG man!

===================================================

RE: Matlack’s - ‘This Oldest Ed Brother Is A LUSH’ -

JOISEY DIVIL -

WOW! YEW R DEFINITELY FEELIN' MORE GOODER!
FIRIN' A SHOT DIRECTLY AT YER OLDER BRUDDER!
NOT A 'WARNING SHOT' ACROSS THE BOW -
BUT AIMIN' FOR A DIRECT 'BULL'S-EYE' - AND HOW!

EVEN THO HE'S AN OLDE FUDDY-DUDDER -
YEW REVEALED HE SUCKED HIND UDDER!
'BLUE RIBBON' MAY BE HIS TEENAGE BREW -
BUT TIME N' TRAVEL BROUGHT ON COORS LITE TOO!

HE'S OLD N' SHRIVELED, WITH SKIN LIKE LEATHER -
AN' HAS WITHSTOOD ALL KINDS OF WEATHER -
AN' ALL THEM WIMMIN HE BEEN THRUSTIN' -
MAKES HIM A 'FUSSY LUSH WHO'S ALWAYS LUSTIN'!

AS EWE FORM YER POEMS,
N' SENTENCES DO PARSE -
YEW BETTER WATCH YER BACK -
PROTECT YER ARSE!

VOLLEYED AND THUNDERED -
STORMED AT WITH SHOT N' SHELL -
EDVARD THE ELDER 'LUSH' -
IS GONNA GIVE YEW HELL!

'LET THE GAMES BEGIN ...' TK.

===================================================

RE: Phyllis Jean Green’s - “Lavender, Woven” -

Dear Chloro-PHIL ...

"Lavender Blue - Dilly Dilly -
Lavender Green -
I was your King - Dilly Dilly -
You were my Queen ..."

Wistful Wisteria ... TK.

===================================================

RE: Matlack’s - “He thinks he is the Bestest Brother” -

JOISEY ED - 'THE IN-BETWEEN-EST '

YER OLDEST BRO EWE DID JUST 'SLAM' -
THEN, YER YOUNGEST YEW DID 'DUNK' -
AS THE MIDDLE - 'MOST IGNORED' -
THEY BOTH SAID - "YER A SKUNK!"

FROM YER MA'S YOUNGER SISTER, GERTRUDE -
WHO HAD KIDS - BOUT A DOZEN -
ONE WUZ ME - YER ONLYIEST, HONEST -
TRUTH-TELLIN' - FIRST CUZZIN.

EWE STARTED A WAR -
FIRED THE FIRST SHOT -
HOPE YER BRUDDERS -
MAKE YEW EAT - SNOT!

INNOCENT BY-STANDER CUZ - TOM-KAT THE TRUTHFUL!

===================================================

RE: Mary E. Lacy’s - “Retirement - a Dream?” -

"MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY ..."

YEW NAILED IT - HON!

I WAS BORNED ON 8-25-1940 - found out before age 65 that, if I wanted my full 100% EARNED SSA Benefit, had to wait 6 months, or suffer penalty - lower amount!

SO - I picked March 1st (my Dad's Birthday date) - just for fun. Retired then - several months later, after SSA office LOST MY PAPERWORK - found out that HAD I picked Feb. 26th I would have collected another 2 months- you formally file the papers . SSA, but actually continue to work - (kind of like 'Double-Dipping) - SO - I got screwed out of Over $3,000 - because an A-HOLE worker did Not SPLAIN it all properly!

My Lady Friend was born in 1942 - so she had to wait another 10 Months to get full 100%. She DID SO! Retired with SSA benefits coming in - AND IS STILL WORKING FULL TIME! Collects BOTH!

GO EARLY! ASK MANY QUESTIONS EARLY! UNDERSTAND EARLY! BE PREPARED!

CONGRESS IS/ARE THE VERY BEST 'SCREWERS!'
AND, TRUST ME -
THEY NEVER EVER USE ANY VASELINE!

TK.

===================================================

RE: Matlack’s - The Only Angelic Angel of The Family of Ed’s -

JOISEY DEVIL = ANGEL? HELLO?

GEORG WHO WEARS SARONG -
TO HIDE HIS MAMMOTH DONG -
IS GONNA MAKE YEW PAY - FOR LONG -
GO BACK TO SMOKIN' YER BONG!

N' - AS PEEWEE DUN SAID -
YER MORE LIKE THE OXYMORON -
WITH THE OXY REMOVED -
NO BRAINS IN THAT THAR PUDDIN'-HEAD!

IN AN EFFORT TO STOP THE ESCALATION
OF THIS 'MINOR WAR' - I MAKE THIS SUGGESTION -

'PEACE TALKS' BE HELD THIS EASTER SUNDAY -
AT TOM'S TRAILER-TRASH LOCATION -

BYOB - PBR'S - CORES - MARY JANE - WHATEVER!
THUS, I END THIS ELOQUENT VALEDICTION!

ME LLAMO - TOMAS - EL GATO!

===================================================

f

Reader Reviews for "MEDIOCRE CRAP?"


Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!


Reviewed by J'nia Fowler 3/27/2010
Keep her commen Tom. You make my day. J'nia
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 3/24/2010
For a dude with one beer short in his six-pack up there...you can spin an off the wall article like one of my savant brethren! (LOL)

Cuz EDvard

Reviewed by Ed Matlack 3/24/2010
Ole Jersey Devils undies are too too clean...any under or over dog Should be honored to sniff them out & you are most correct TK, you are just full of **it...e
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 3/24/2010
HO, HO, HO, Old Cuz EL Gato!!

Yer Ed Brother Comments are Much Better Than our Ed Brother Poems!!

And I doubt even good old Underdog would wanna 'sniff out' the old Jersey Devil's Undies in my old Ed Brother Poem, today!

Books by
Tom Hyland



Bawlmer, Merlyn - Home of The Hons

Buy Options
Signed copy!
Amazon, Barnes & Noble, more..


Popular
April Fools Articles
  1. NEW WORDS WITH FRIENDS

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.