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Tom Hyland

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PONTIFICATED POOP
By Tom Hyland
Last edited: Thursday, June 24, 2010
Posted: Thursday, June 24, 2010



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Tom Hyland

• GOD BLESS THE @#%^ CORPORATIONS!
• BERRIES
• MEDIOCRITY ... THY NAME IS ... APATHY
• TALK IS CHEAP !
• The BLIMP
• 9 / 11 : PRESS For TRUTH
• NEW WORDS WITH FRIENDS
           >> View all 370


Dog-gone - I lied again!

Action / Thriller ... If You get any Action -
You'll be Thrilled!

Just more of the same mundane, mediocre, melodramatic 'CRAP' I shall been been 'SHATTING' for quite some time now.

SHAT is the Past Participle of the unconjugated verb POOP, in another 'No-No' 4 letter word that starts with SH and ends with IT -

SHALL HAVE BEEN is just the Future Perfect Tense of the verb 'TO BE' which is added as a prefix, just to confuse the BE-JESUS out of ignoramuses and hill-billies.

A CONJUGATED verb is one which has - Lied, Laid, or Been Lain - as in "Conjugal Bed' - the purpose is to reproduce, or multiply, accordingly, a conjugated verb has no HYMEN!

As a simple Corollary - an UN-CONJUGATED verb, or NON-CONJUGATED one, still is a VIRGIN - see the difference?

Ergo - CRAP - POOP - SHAT - are, in a very philosophical, high-brow sense - kind of like Sisters in a 'House of Ill Repute' - catch my drift?

While SHAT is a very close relative to SHAFT - it is less vulgar, as the 'F' has been removed, to make it a more refined 4-letter word - clear as mud?

Let us take an example, for further clarification, edification, and education (3 sister 'ation' words) -

If I were to say that: "I HAVE SHAT MY PANTS!" A reader might 'snigger' or 'snicker' - at my misfortune - BUT if the 's' were to be removed from the first of these words, then another 'politically incorrect' No-No would have been affected, or effected, or infected, or inflected ...

By now, you should have a fine grasp on the Beauty of the English language basic complexities, and understand better WHY our poor, unfortunate, illegal alien friends from the South roll their eyes and utter such niceties as: "NO COMPRENDE INGLES!"

THUS - the descriptive adjective in the title of PONTIFICATED ...







PONTIFICATED POOP

© - Tom Hyland - 6/16/10 to 6/23/10


RE: My - Can You Fathom This? -

6/16/2010
J’nia Fowler

The words “duck tape” keep rolling over and over in my itty bitty mind this morning. Lol

J’NIA -

Two of the greatest inventions of mankind, that can fix just about
anything -

DUCT TAPE and DRY-WALL SCREWS !

Nuthin’ itty-bitty ‘bout that! TK.


6/16/2010
Georg Mateos

If they did that outside Albion House, their Parliament would have been like hen house with a gang of hungry foxes inside...but here, in the US of A, every Congressman is in their payroll, so what’s new?

Georg


GEORG ...

AMEN CUZ - AMEN!

REMEMBER NIXON’S - “I AM NOT A CROOK!” ?

NOW - PICTURE ALL OF CONGRESS IN A CHORUS LINE - CHANTING THIS IN A RONDO FORMAT, WITH CONTRASTING SHOUTS OF “OIL-OIL-OIL” ...

IN THE BACKGROUND, BUGLERS ARE PLAYING ‘TAPS’ - WHILE THE SKY IS RAINING DOWN ‘BEN FRANKLIN BILLS’ ... AS THEY GINGERLY ‘TAP-DANCE’ ACROSS THE STAGE, AND DOWN INTO THE AISLES ...

AS THE ‘FINALE’ OF THE SHOW, THE AWESTRUCK, APATHETIC AUDIENCE OF ANGUISHED AMERICANS ARE BOMBARDED WITH MEASLEY ‘GEORGE WASHINGTON ONE DOLLAR BILLS’ ...

INSTEAD OF ‘THE PRODUCERS’ - MEL BROOKS DIRECTS THIS CHARADE AND FARCE, CALLING IT ‘THE REDUCERS’!

A BIG BROADWAY HIT MAYBE?

PEACE CUZ - PEACE ... TK.


6/15/2010
Ed Matlack

I don’t like aseline, too oily, can I use KY jelly...;-) e

JOISEY TASMANIAN TURKEY BUZZARD ...

WHATEVER TURNS YEW ON - BUNKY !!! TK.


6/15/2010
Patrick Granfors

It ain’t a poem. You lied. Loved it. Very funny if it weren’t so sad. Recommend stock in Vaseline. Sure to rise. Patrick

by Tom Hyland (author) at 6/15/2010 6:23:21 PM

PAT - IN CASE YOU DIDN’T READ MATLACK’S REVIEW ... HE WANTS TO USE K-Y JELLY FOR MORE EXCITEMENT!

WATCH BOTH STOCKS SOAR! TK.

6/15/2010
Mr. Ed

One which is Deeper than any other done Heretofore,
One Mile Down, or 1,609 Meters, or 880 Fathoms!

As I mentioned in your article, BP already has several other deep water wells in the Gulf, at over 7,500 feet deep, that they can’t wait to start pumpin - and, of course, being the idiotic oil-addicted nation that we are today - I’m sure they’ll eventually get permission to do just that.

And Good Luck to our neighbors in Canada -

Chevron is already working on their latest deep water drilling effort - over a mile and a half deep, off their eastern seaboard.

When that one blows and their Canadian oil drifts south, and when this never ending, unstoppable Gulf Oil keeps drifting north, both countries can then start crying that the entire eastern seaboard of both nations is now Dead and Devoid of All Life.

By Tom Hyland (author) at 6/15/2010 6:26:31 PM

PEEWEE - AMEN!

“WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!”

QUESTION - has anybody thought about an all ELECTRIC car,

with a Roof of SOLAR PANELS?

JUST CURIOUS ... TK CUZ.



RE: My - Petrified Poop -

6/15/2010
J’nia Fowler

I like your category (crafts and Hobbies.) Remember, free speech is what many men shed their blood for. Grammar.....not good. Keep it up.Love ya Tom. J

J’NIA -

picked category - cause I sure as hell ain’t makin’ no money . writin’ !!!

see new post - FATHOM ... tk.


6/15/2010
Georg Mateos

Don’t know if it was medicines induced (I don’t think so, really) but when I was out and astral traveling, I happen to see a very pissed off God up there somewhere looking down about New Orleans and I didn’t dared to ask Him nuthin!!!

Cuz Edvard

DEAR GEORG - YEW WUZ ASS-TRAL ALL RIGHT!

GOD SAID: “YOU WANT OIL?
I’LL GIVE YOU OIL ‘TIL HELL FREEZES OVER!”

“EAT IT - DRINK IT - SMELL IT - LIGHT IT - FIGHT IT”

“WHEN THE EARTH COLLAPSES LIKE A DEFLATED BALLOON -
MAYBE THEN - YOU’LL LEARN - BUT I DOUBT IT!”

SO SAYETH THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!!! TK.


RE: Matlack’s - Alias PeeWee (Mr. Ed Kostro) -

JOISEY - AHA!

I FIGGERED OUT THE SECRET PROCESS ...

BEFORE ‘FIRING UP’ THE GAS GRILL ... PEEWEE ...GERALD ...

GORGES GIGANTIC GOBBLES OF GARGANTUAN GARBANZO BEANS!

NOTE: LOWERS CHOLESTEROL!

P.S. HE BLAMES THE COOKING ‘OFFAL ODOR’ ON HIS POOR INNOCENT HERD OF DOGGIES!

SPECIALTIES:

FRANK-FARTERS ... CHICKPEA CHUNKIES ... BARBEQUED BARF-BURGERS!

THINK I’LL STICK WITH CHARCOAL BRIQUETTES!

CUZ TK ...

=========================================================

RE: Matlack’s - I WANT YOU _ TO SPEAK ENGLISH -

ED - RIGHT ON!

I too am sick and tired of all the FREAKIN’ ESPANOL! I am sick and tired of standing in line in stores, and listening to a bunch of FOREIGNERS who can’t speak English - carrying on a conversation in Espanol, laughing out loud, holding up the line because they - NO COMPRENDE! NO HABLA INGLES! NO TENGO MUCHO DINERO!

Every damned store, supermarket, with LABELS in two languages - WHY?
To appease a populace that REFUSES TO ASSIMILATE?

The Naysayers, like Dan - want to throw up a ‘smokescreen’ about history, and our families were once all IMMIGRANTS - but, they wanted to be AMERICANS FIRST AND FOREMOST!

Sure, ethnic groups abound, but all those who truly assimilated into one culture, and congealed into this ‘Great Melting Pot’ did so with PRIDE! Parents and Grand-Parents who spoke their ‘own’ language in the Home - made SURE their children got educated, and LEARNED THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE! POSTHASTE! ABSOLUTEMENTE!

Those ethnic groups associated with religious backgrounds, like: Jews, Catholics, Protestants, Mormons, Amish, whatever - did not DEMAND preferential treatment - their desires, cultures, mores, rites, et cetera were SECONDARY! They built their own churches and schools, and continued their ethnic traditions and training, and passed them down to their children - by spending their OWN MONEY! They didn’t PREY on the government and other taxpayers for SPECIAL EXCEPTIONS, like LANGUAGE!

No one is REQUIRED TO: Press 1 for Chinese, 2 for Korean, 3 for Vietnamese, 4 for Italian, 5 for Portugese, 6 for German, 7 for Gaelic, 8 for Swedish, 9 for Russian, 10 for Thai, 11 for Cambodian, 12 for African or Swahili ... AD INFINITUM!

AMERICANS SPEAK ENGLISH! YOU WANT TO LIVE HERE?
LEARN AND SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE!
ASSIMILATE - OR LEAVE!

Some might offer the counter argument about ‘other’ countries in Europe, or Asia, or the Mid-East, or wherever else that - ‘they’ made English the SECOND LANGUAGE OVER THERE!

WHY? Because the ‘dumb, ignorant, ugly American Tourists’ were incapable of speaking ‘THEIR’ Language ... and ...
THEY WANTED OUR MONEY - OUR AMERICAN DOLLARS!

I don’t want to be forced eventually to learn how to CONVERT my hard-earned LEGAL DOLLARS INTO FREAKING PESOS!

“WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ SECOND LANGUAGE! POR FAVOR!

AMERICANS SPEAK ENGLISH! YOU WANT TO LIVE HERE?
LEARN AND SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE!
ASSIMILATE - OR LEAVE!

That’s my DOS PESOS’ Worth! Me Llamo Tomas - El Gato!

=========================================================

RE: My - GOOD YEAR EAGLES -

6/21/2010
* Starman * *
I wonder did you ever hear back from Goodyear. Funny thing, I was going to buy a set of Eagles years ago when I saw them on the Georgia Tech Police cruisers. A wise friend said that did not mean they were good tires, but merely the ones they could get a good price for back then. Scary.

Oops skidded into the quad and now there goes a future nobelist that was going to be the one to stop the oil leak in the gulf that had by then spread around the globe X10, leaving a slick that would go to the moon and back. We were then known as the black planet.


ROCKY ...

NOPE - NO RESPONSE!

That’s another favorite ploy of American manufacturers today -
just IGNORE it - what’s he gonna do, SUE? Let him!

RE: BLACK PLANET -

I can see it now - Barry Obama stars as ‘DARK EVADER’ ... The Three ED’s are Jedi Warriors, their Sister Edwina is Princess Leah, and you are R2D2 and I am C3PO ...

As the screen slowly scrolls away from the audience, the words appear ...

ONCE UPON A TIME, IN A LAND FAR, FAR AWAY ...

Peace - TK.

=========================================================

RE: My - FACTOIDS -


6/23/2010
J’nia Fowler


Terrific. I read recently that you can’t control the length of your life but you can control its depth. Sounds like you are doing just that. Hugs, J’nia
6/23/2010

J’NIA - YEP!

I’ve learned that - every day that my eyes open in the morning - no matter
what the weather may be - to Thank God for yet - another Beautiful, Wonderful Day! Another chance to do something good, or right, or kind, or daring, or joyful, and yes, even to make more mistakes!

Each night as I say my private prayers and positive affirmations, I also thank The Good Lord for all of my Wonderful Blessings.

To do less would be an ingratitude ... Peace - Tom.

Ed Matlack

You are a funny, crazy, sick man, but I what we love about ya...e/

DEAR MATCHLESS ... EWE R 2 KIND!

YER EFFERVESCENT AMBIGUITIES ARE ONLY SURPASSED BY
YER INDOMITABLE INTELLECTUAL VORTEX!

LA PIETA ... TK...


6/23/2010
Mr. Ed

At 70, if you can say ‘I did it my way,’ then you done good.

PEEWEE ...

ALAS N’ ALACK - SCREWED UP ‘OFT ... BUT WHAT THE HEY! TK.

6/23/2010
Georg Mateos

Oh my dear dear Cuz, you did mention everything over and under the carpet but forgot to mention about the politician’s hand job done on all of us (the moans weren’t of happiness)

Cuz Edvard

DEAR OLE FART CUZ GEORG E ...

FACTOID SEVEN -
I DUN MENTION ALL THOSE FINE, UPSTANDING ‘RAT BASTARD’ POLITICIANS ELSEWHERE -
MANY, MANY TIMES - AND QUITE PROFUSELY ...

NEVER KICK A SLEEPING DOG -

YEW MIGHT GET A FOOTFUL OF TEETH!

PIECE ... CUZ ITT ... I TRUTHFUL TOM!


6/22/2010
Karen Palumbo

Gee, we have a sprinkler and two bath tubs, does that count??? God bless you and may you continue on this path for a very long time...

Be always safe,
Karen

by Tom Hyland (author) at 6/22/2010 8:53:16 PM

KAREN - Thank you Dear ...

but now I have to rush out n’ buy another bathtub -

to keep up with the PALUMBOS! TK.

6/22/2010
Paul Judges

Excellent work, Tom

by Tom Hyland (author) at 6/22/2010 8:51:15 PM

PAUL - THANK YOU - HAVE A GREAT DAY! TOM.

=========================================================

RE: My - Happy Fathers Day!

6/23/2010
Ed Matlack

Was your dad as looney as you are, if so I know I would have liked him too...e

JOISEY - NOPE!

He was more like a Quiet Man - as in ‘Still Waters Run Deep’ ... not a braggadocios bloke like me.

A good listener, and never ‘pushy’ ... yes, you would have liked him!

Peace my Friend ... TK.

=========================================================

RE: Matlack’s - Impeach Obama...? -

WELL JOISEY - YEW GOT A PAIR OF ‘BIG BRASS BALLS!’

ASKING PERTINENT QUESTIONS THAT OTHERS THINK -
BUT ARE AFRAID TO ASK!

I VOTED MY CONSCIENCE AND BELIEFS - AN INDEPENDENT BLACK WOMAN WHO DIDN’T HAVE A ‘SNOWBALL’S CHANCE IN HELL’ TO WIN!

BUT - I STUCK TO MY GUNS - I PRACTICED WHAT I PREACHED -

I VOTED AGAINST THE 2-PARTY SYSTEM - THE ‘MACHINE’ - THE EMBEDDED CORRUPT SELF-SERVING PROFESSIONAL ‘CRONIES’ OF THE CORPORATIONS!

AND I WILL DO IT AGAIN IN NOVEMBER! IF ONLY A DEMOCRAT OR ONLY A REPUBLICAN IS RUNNING FOR ANY OFFICE - UNCHALLENGED EVEN - I WILL NOT VOTE FOR HIM/HER -

A ‘SKIPPED’ VOTE, OR NO-VOTE IS ONE LESS TO BE TALLIED IN THE FINAL STATISTICAL ANALYSIS! NOT ONE INCUMBENT WILL GET MY VOTE! NOT ONE!

A ‘NEW BROOM SWEEPS CLEAN’ !!!

BIG OIL AND BIG CORPORATION OWNS BIG BROTHER!

WHEN WILL THE AMERICAN PEOPLE - WE THE PEOPLE - REALIZE THIS FACT?

‘THEY’ WILL NEVER EVER VOLUNTARILY JUST QUIT - PERENNIAL RE-ELECTION IS ‘THEIR’ ONLY GOAL! POWER IS THEIR ONLY AMBITION! GREED IS THEIR ONLY IMPETUS!

LET US SUPPOSE THAT AMERICANS WERE SO SICK OF 8 YEARS OF BUSH-SHIT THAT THEY WOULD HAVE VOTED FOR ‘ANY’ DEMOCRAT PROPOSED -

THEN CONSIDER ALL THE MEDIA ‘HYPE’ ABOUT THE MILLIONS OF LITTLE DONATIONS FROM MILLIONS OF LITTLE PEOPLE -

BUT NOW WE KNOW THAT OBAMA RECEIVED THE LARGEST ‘DONATION’ OR POLITICAL CONTRIBUTION FROM NONE OTHE THAN BP !!! THEN, HE ANNOUNCED THE DECISION TO ALLOW DRILLING - ALL UP AND DOWN THE EAST COAST - BUT ...

OOPS! THE GULF OIL DISASTER I -
SCREWED HIM AND THEM UP, DIDN’T IT?

I PREDICT THAT IF AND WHEN THE GIANT OIL LEAK IS EVER STOPPED - ANY INCUMBENT, OR OTHER ‘PARTY PUPPET’ WHO FOLLOWS WILL GO RIGHT BACK TO “DRILL BABY DRILL!”

GREEDY RAT-BASTARDS ALL!

SORRY ED ... MY ‘SOAP BOX’ RUNNETH OVER!

PEACE - TK ...

=========================================================


© - TKH.

f

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Reviewed by J'nia Fowler 6/24/2010
You'll always be one of my favorite philosophers Tom. Very funny stuff today. Thanks a load, a pant load...tehe tehe...
Reviewed by D Johnson 6/24/2010
Well Tom you have once again provided the reader with a well thought out, highly researched and technically perfect piece of poop. I would also like to thank you for labeling me 'naysayer' a title I have heretofore not been distinguished with...I am humbled.

I think in the final analysis what all this means is that we do share one thing in common, and that is...our shat doeth skink to the heavens...
Cheers from a left leaning liberal,
Dan
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 6/24/2010
Uh, Oh - Ma asked me to ask you: "Who or what is that Jersey Devil usin KY Jelly, on now?!"
Reviewed by Georg Mateos 6/24/2010
No sabìa de tener un gato como primo, pero un gato primo que dice que el gringo poop es catolica?

Cuz EDvard


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