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Mark M Lichterman

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No pun in ten did
By Mark M Lichterman
Last edited: Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Posted: Wednesday, August 18, 2010



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Recent articles by
Mark M Lichterman

• A Jewish Boycott
• Betrayal in Benghazi
• Did You Know?
• The 2000 Year Old Man
• Social Security History
• Lost C. Burnett Skit
• THE CANDY BOMBER
           >> View all 395
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

Ability to make & understand puns is considered to be the highest level of language development. Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:
____________________________________________

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
 looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,
 "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
 craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other
 says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
 His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
 the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
 family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up
 a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
 produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
 friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did
 
 
 

 

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Reviewed by m j hollingshead
very sharp, you must file them
Reviewed by Kathleen McDonald
I have enjoyed this very much. They are terrific.

hug
Kathy
Reviewed by Patrick Granfors
These are all great Mark. I liked 1 & 8 best. Patrick
Reviewed by Annabel Sheila
Actually all of them made me laugh....but the best ones were Nos.6&9...hilarious!!!!

Your friend,
Anna

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