Women have to change things about themselves to stop repeating the patterns of abuse. It's in part because they have no self-esteem and also because they are not looking for red flags that present in new relationships. My poor boyfriend! From day one I have had this list. I found it here. (http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewArticle.asp?id=28889). It is a list of the warning signs of an abusive man. My man often finds me going over this list...checking to see if he has any of these signs. EVERY WOMAN OR MAN THAT HAS BEEN IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE DOING THE SAME. The reason is that after being treated that way, you accept things to be "normal" in relationships that are not. One of those things may be that looking or acting sexy is the way to get someone to love you. Don't get me wrong. I love to look sexy, but there is a fine line between looking sexy and self-respect and I have had to re-learn what is "normal" and acceptable.