Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!


Featured Authors:  Betty Jo Tucker, iPamela Ackerson, iBob Mitchley, iCheryl Carpinello, iSafi Abdi, iJohn MacEachern, iAndrew Updegrove, i

  Home > Action/Thriller > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

D. Earl Kelly

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Books
· Articles
· Stories
· 61 Titles
· 52 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
Member Since: Nov, 2009

D. Earl Kelly, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.

Featured Book
The Dead Effect
by Terry Vinson

Tales of The Zombie...or for soap opera fans, perhaps 'Days of The Dead' might be more appropriate...  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members

Soup Bones and Hippos
by D. Earl Kelly   
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last edited: Monday, January 10, 2011
Posted: Monday, January 10, 2011

  Print   Save    Follow    Share 

Recent articles by
D. Earl Kelly

Whack The Wookie
Doobie Dom Doobie
Inlaws and Outlaws
Alcohol and Leather Chaps
Pork Skins and Cheese Whiz
Goat Entrails, Ham and Mr. Pinkie
           >> View all

Save the planet...for me.

Item 1:
"Save the planet."  That's my motto.  But, don't save it for future generations.  Save it for me.  For instance, I think we should absolutely save the snail darter.  They make a great snack with a little olive oil and garlic.  And who could resist a good Spotted Owl soup?  It'll go great with the polar bear steaks I have in the freezer.  If you're looking, they're in the white packages.  Please don't open the brown ones though.  That's my former house boy, Raul.  I told him to quit poking me with that thing.  But, these situations always work out for the best.  He'll make a great winter stew.

Oh, the joys of grilled leopard in the summertime.  And there's always rump of giraffe in penguin sauce.  Yummy.  And all those little shrimp the lefties are trying to save while destroying human lives in the process?  Give them to me.  Of course, that many shrimp will take up space but I have to get a new freezer anyway.  I need a place to put that hippo.  I think it may be starting to turn on me. 

And global warming.  I love global warming.  I'd like a 95 degree Christmas every now and then.  But mostly, I like it for security reasons.  The largest number of our enemies live in areas that run about 190 degrees in the shade anyway so what's the harm of bumping that up by 50 or so?  As an added bonus, we could blow a hole in their ozone layer just after our troops load up and head home.  Before long, they'll all look like summer sausages on a Las Vegas sidewalk.  Problem solved.


Item 2:
Let's face it, life can be dangerous these days.  We're subject to a home invasion at any time, bombers are pouring across the border like milk on Rice Krispies and we walk down the boulevard at our own risk.  The prison population is currently 2,349,065 and there doesn't seem to be any decline in the forseeable future.  Even dating is dangerous.  Give some girls an inkling that you may have cash and you could find yourself tied to a lamp post and stripped as clean as a soup bone in Rosie O'Donnell's kitchen.  But, it's not so bad.  It only happened to me three times last month.  I've got to quit picking up girls at the meth addiction clinic.

And, of course, there's the most common of dating hazards so, here's some advice:

If life ever brings a tear
To your eyes of blue
And you need somebody
To have and hold on to
Well, we'd like to wish you luck
In all that you endeavor
Just remember that love may be blind
And herpes is forever.



Web Site: Life In The Dweeb Lane

Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Popular Action/Thriller Articles
  1. Directing Adam West in Omega Cop
  2. John Carradine and Me. What a Surprise.
  3. Narcissists, Social Media, and Porn
  4. SEO-Super Charge Your WEB Site
  5. Good Mourning, Knees
  6. The Rights of Women and Children Under Tal
  7. Let me shoot you I am mentally ill
  8. A Crow With Super Smarts
  9. Author Youtubed
  10. Thoughts on eBooks

3 WILD THRILLERS - 1 true, 2 noir by Paul Kyriazi

BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Starlight On Stone SOUTH (ebook) by Jansen Estrup

The boy-king, Shi-shi, can defeat his enemies if the generals will follow him. He will survive plots by ambitious priesthoods, if the gods smile upon him and if he can find the rig..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.