dealing with rejection within a relationship
How must one deal with the fear of rejection? What is rejection? Rejection is the feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and shunned even. This is how one may feel when a relationship comes to an end, which is one reason why we hang on so long after we shouldn’t anymore.
Rejection is a tool that the enemy uses against us to keep us locked into a place that will keep us in fear. Though the bible teaches that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, and of power and of a sound mind (2Timothy 1:7). The bible also teaches us that we are rejected by men, but loved by God and precious to Him.
Rejection is a hard thing to deal with. I speak from experience. I’ve hung onto many broken beyond repair relationships because of the feeling of rejection, not feeling wanted, not feeling loved, feeling tolerated and that this was probably the best I could do – and at the time not realizing that I was actually feeling all that within the relationship itself…rejected; with me only snatching what little bit of happiness I could grab, even though it may have never been much.
This feeling comes from one with low self-esteem, one always trying to fit in (usually with the wrong person/crowd) and feeling hurt when you don’t – again, that’s the feeling of rejection. When does it really end? When does the feeling of needing to be accepted or wanted by a certain group of people, a “clique” or a man truly ends?
In my opinion, it ends once you become aware of who are and whose you are. When you become aware of the love of Christ Jesus and start to feel it deep within your spirit, deep within your soul. You will gain that knowing on the inside of you that who you are is a daughter of God and that you belong to him. That simple knowledge (when you truly have that knowledge) will drive away that feeling of rejection and feeling of being unwanted will soon, sometimes without the realization, abate.
Then, you will be a bit pickier of who you let into your life. You will know your self-worth and evolve in your self-esteem. You will allow no less than you deserve to take you into their lives. And always be careful of what/whom you let take you, as they ultimately can’t take you any further than they’ve are. Make sure you’re dealing with a true man of God, uncompromised and unwilling to do so. So before jumping head first into a relationship because you may feel lonely, sit back and study what type of man you may be considering to allow to pull you into their lives, compromising yourself to be in the place that they are.
And, yes, allow the man to be the chaser. Be willing to be caught. That in itself lessens the chance of rejection – doesn’t totally dismiss it, but lessens it.
One thing I did when I was serious about finding my soul mate, didn’t want to play any more games, and was tired of feeling tolerated and not love. I made a list of all the qualities that I felt I wanted in a man and more so deserved in one; read it aloud to God and stuck it in my bible. And when that man came along and possessed all of those qualities that I had listed, it was known to me that he was the one. I did not pursue this man. Instead, he pursued me. I just made it easy for him to catch me…lol.
Learn to love, live and laugh your way through life, accepting no less than you deserve, and not allowing yourself to be rejected by any man or woman. And if you are surrounded by people who don’t fit where you are trying to take your life, then they will soon reject you. Pull away from that crowd and delve into the things that will embrace you (God).
1 Peter 2:4 As you come to him, the living Stone - rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him...