Many of our fellow citizen's words and actions are constitutionally protected whether the majority of us agree with them or not and most understand that this freedom, as with most things, can be either good or bad. For instance, burning the American flag is protected by the courts. However, my small and very malnourished brain, believes there should be some common sense rules that apply.
Firstly, burning should not take place unless there is a reasonable distance from wooden structures, chemical plants, explosives storage areas or small children and animals.
Secondly, jet fuel or other such products are prohibited. Gasoline is also frowned upon due to it's explosive nature. So, diesel is preferred.
Thirdly, for the safety of observers, the "burner" should douse the flag in the approved flammable liquid and stuff it down his or her pants prior to lighting it off. Then, we can all play that great old game, "Whack The Wookie" as we try unsuccessfully to put out the flames on you stinking, Neo-Nazi CARCASS!
I'm sorry. That was totally uncalled for.
All Wookie participants should remember that we'll be playing by Glevonshire rules which prohibit the use of blankets, quilts, tarps or fire extinguishers. The preferred extinguishing agent is a 5-iron if there is to be any challenge at all. Glevonshire also requires a 25-stoke minimum.
I'll be playing at Pistol Pete's Pickle Palace and Septic Tank Cleaning Service next Thursday. Pistol Pete can suck up massive amounts of solid waste and political promises. Of course, trying to clean up Congress on a daily basis is next to impossible but, at Pistol Pete's, we can say, "that's a load of crap" and mean it.
I'll also be performing my new single, "Crap On A Cracker" as well as that sentimental old favorite, "Is It Supposed To Look Like That?"
For more, go to my site, diggerdan.what's-that-smell.com.
Well, I have to go now. My hedgehog souffle is about done. And, as my mother used to say, "I'm so ashamed".
She was funny like that.