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Audrey Coatesworth

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Are we who we were meant to be?
By Audrey Coatesworth
Last edited: Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Posted: Wednesday, March 30, 2011

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Audrey Coatesworth

• I like gadgets and progress, but ...
• Liberation or bondage
• A few thoughts on Christmas
• Elderly Surfers
• A few reflections for the New Year 2014
• Something is 'not quite right'
• Why are our children and teenagers not protected
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Are we who we were meant to be or what others made us to be? Did our parents and teachers and all who cared for or influenced us allow us to develop to be who we should be?

Dr Audrey Coatesworth asks these questions and gives her reasons and understanding of why other's influences and actions, at all different levels, are important.

Are we who we were meant to be?


Are we who we were meant to be or what others made us to be? Did our parents and teachers and all who cared for or influenced us allow us to develop to be who we should be?

I was a Consultant Psychiatrist for many years. I was always interested in not only what people think but how people think. Once I knew how they were thinking what they were thinking, then their problems were more easily resolved. I studied Neuro-linguistic Programming, in its infancy at the time, in the quest for some answers.

Let me explain what I mean.

We arrive into our environment as ourselves - with potential, variable opportunities but no knowledge or beliefs. The majority can see, hear, feel, smell and taste. We learn about the environment through these senses. We have behaviours and interact with others - who also exhibit behaviours. As a result we learn our capabilities. The next logical level is that gradually, over time, our beliefs become formulated and eventually consolidated - about ourselves, our environments, others in our sphere and about life and death. There are many levels of behaviour, simple and complex, many degrees of capabilities and, similarly, different levels of belief.

With the wide spread of communications, television and travel etc, the scope for all these interactions - positive or negative - is much larger than for our predecessors as not only does our real environment expand, but also so does our 'virtual' environment'. However, the mental mechanisms are the same. Our earliest and most fundamental environment is the place we call 'home'. The people whose behaviour is most important in allowing the development of our capabilities and our beliefs in the formative years are those who care for us - our parents, teachers and carers.

We eventually gain some idea of our identity - from the interactions of the environment, behaviour, capabilities and beliefs.

However, we brought our true identity with us at our birth. Life on earth is about being able to use our mind and body to know that true identity and fulfil our capabilities. It is the duty of parents, teachers, family and carers to enable and allow a child to do so.

Finally, there is the uppermost level 'faith' - belief or disbelief in a power belonging to another existence/dimension beyond the present life i.e. a God. Faith, belief or disbelief, is universal, though the 'God' is regarded as different by many religions. Each claims that their God is 'the true God' who will, in some way, favour those who believe in their particular religion.

A child cannot arrange its own environment or control the behaviours, capabilities or beliefs of those around. His/her true capabilities may never be found if the behaviour of those involved is unsatisfactory - e.g. unloving, dismissive, cruel, uncaring or if traumas occur which cause long lasting effects and beliefs. So, the beliefs that are gradually formed can be skewed and made negative by others' behaviours or events and others beliefs and so the concept of his/her identity is not accurate.

The higher the level of logical thinking, the greater and more powerful is the effect i.e. the beliefs have a huge effect on behaviours. How otherwise could religious wars occur, where people are hated or killed because of their beliefs? So 'faith', which is dictated to many by a few, influences the higher level of the belief system and the identity. All over the world people have titles - e.g. someone is 'a Moslem', a 'Catholic', a 'Hindu', a 'Jehovah's Witness' etc rather than a person with the freedom to think for themselves. After many early years of indoctrination a person may not be able or dare not change his/her faith or beliefs. If they did, they would have excessive fear, or actually face punishment or worse.

Religions ‘vary’ and the Gods worshipped are different. Because faith is the highest in the logical level of development then the religious leaders wield great power in the world and over the minds of their followers. 


All the wars, intolerance and persecution which have resulted in cruelty and poverty in the world have stemmed from the highest level of beliefs or faith. Greed is a belief in material belongings or power or both. Terrorists are individuals who have hate instilled into their rigid belief systems by their leaders. Young men and women become willing to kill others in suicidal attacks for a reason that other individuals have dictated. Yet, when all these were born, they arrived with only their identities and nothing else – they were influenced by their environment, capabilities, beliefs and faith of those who hate.


But, there is a flaw in the system. What is it?


People observe human behaviour and capabilities, but they do not know the truth of the higher beliefs from which ‘faith’ develops. They have not visited that other existence to find out. So, because of fear of the hereafter, they believe what they have been told. Some may deny its existence as if it is all a ‘load of rubbish’ then they need not fear!


You may ask –“So what? Does it all matter?”


Yes, it does. Let me explain why I say so.


Five years ago, after several years of increasing ill-health, I nearly died. After two hours of intensive work in the hospital, I was finally resuscitated – though still unconscious for another three and a half hours. I was told next day by the Consultant, ‘You reached the gate.’ I replied, ‘Yes, I know. I was sent back.’


During the time I was unconscious I saw no bright light as others have described in a ‘near death’ experience. I travelled through total blackness for a long time. I wasn’t at all frightened along this journey. I assume I was accompanied by someone– or I would have been terrified. I wasn’t – not at all.


I eventually reached a place where someone spoke to me. It was a male voice. He said, ‘You cannot go through that gate, or it will be impossible to return to your life on earth. One day you will come back and be allowed through the gate. You must go back now, as your body is getting cold. You must write your books. Tell what you know.’ I remember that conversation very well.


I was sent back to more extreme suffering, but that has now passed and I am doing what I was ordered. Only the foolhardy or ignorant would disobey such a command. Fortunately, I was provided with the ability necessary.


Firstly I organised the many poems I had already written into two books for children, ‘Growing Up’, and ‘Coping with Illness and Grief’ and one book for teenagers, ‘Choice for Teenagers’, using the experience and knowledge that I had gained in 35 yrs working as a psychiatrist. I have since written poems for 3-7 years, ‘Poems for 3-7 years’, and three poetry books for older readers, following the logical levels of thinking from our behaviours and environment – ‘Daily Life’, to capabilities and beliefs,  ‘From Darkness to Light’, to higher beliefs and faith, ‘A Spiritual Journey’.


Then I wrote my first book ‘Beyond Mercy’. I am selling it as a ‘novel’. I am told by those who have read it, that it is a compelling and interesting read. But the question will be asked is it fact of fiction? Time will give the proof. I describe what, where and when I believe this proof should be found. It is in the book. I too shall be interested in how accurate I have been! Briefly, it is set in the fifteenth century and the future and there are links that connect through time. I did no research, but wrote the book, like making a giant jigsaw, from information that entered my mind over several years. When all those pieces fitted together perfectly, I wrote the book.


Read the book, and be prepared to challenge your beliefs.


I have other books to write, and will do so in time.


However, there is one truth I was given, which people should heed – irrespective of their beliefs or faith. It applies to every adult human on the planet, and should give comfort to some, warning to others and more incentive for parents to guide their children.


‘All will reap what they sow.’


I am not affiliated to any religion, though in my childhood and adolescence I attended services in one branch of the Christian Church. I have always been grateful for the unspoken restraints that guided my adolescent years, though, in hindsight, they were not really anything to do with religion but more the example of my parents.


I now know that there is one God and a spirit world. I also know that God does not judge. Each person has choice to behave – to be kind or unkind. They choose and follow their own path on earth and that path determines what happens after death. All must die so this applies to everyone. No priest can offer anything different by listening or accepting; no one can intercede. No priest can give absolution for sins – it is not in a human’s power. All who are able to be responsible on this earth must accept that responsibility is not just for the ‘here and now’ but for the ‘hereafter’.


But, be assured that all who deliberately hurt another out of hate or desire will get back that same hurt – if not on earth then in the next plane of existence. All actions and intent are known through the minds of those who give and those who receive. It is understood that many terrorists not only hate, but accept the delusional beliefs that they will receive a reward in an after life. They will indeed! And so will their leaders. But not what they expect!


However, there are those brave and selfless individuals who fight against evil and for the good of others, even to the ultimate and premature end of their natural lives. They may hurt others in the process but their intent is against hate and evil to others. They will not have achieved their potential and will be rewarded for their bravery – which ever way is appropriate.


There are a few options for everyone - heaven, hell, nowhere i.e. ultimate annihilation, or to be born again.  


So, who are we?


We are humans who have a lifetime on earth, with the purpose, opportunity, and task, of choosing our future when our life on earth is no more.

Who we become starts with the influences in our environment and the behaviours - to and around us - in our early years, and progresses from then onwards. Parents, teachers and carers of children have the responsibility of guiding children in that process. The responsibility is not just about the first few years. Teenage years are very important years, needing guidance, love and care - however difficult that may seem to many. In adult years then the responsibility for behaviour belongs to the adult

So, there is more at risk than people realise.  It is my task to ‘tell what I know’, but not to dictate to people how they should behave.  That is their choice, but this opportunity is not just for this life but for eternity.


Whoever reads my topics has the right to accept or reject what I write. But it is also the right of everyone to be able to do so with an open mind, unfettered by others’ dismissive or erroneous beliefs.











Web Site Dr Audrey Coatesworth - PLP Publishings

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