God's Word directs His own and His Handmaiden follows God's directions in this horrible experience of depression that she has come out of and that so many suffer.
"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another . . . The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." ~ James 5:15-16 full quote below; Branch Davidians Update, re: Sunday 04/17/11 CNN special; Prayer Requests for others
Extra Oil: God's Handmaiden Confesses
shared by Remnant Doctrine Keepers (RDK) 042211
©copyright 2011 Bonita M Quesinberry 041811
—— "The prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven. Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." ~ James 5:15-16
—— "Save the sick" does not mean only illnesses of our flesh but of all things that affect righteous behavior, "faults" that impede the "purification" process. We have prayer requests for others; and, Sister BonnieQ comes to "confess her faults" to our brethren and to seek only "your fervent prayers" on her behalf. First, the following is an excerpt from one letter-of-four mailed by her daughter, Sister María, in order to give you an idea of the what and why for Bonnie's confession; which follows thereafter:
—— "The undersigned is both daughter and State appointed caregiver for HSN customer Ms Quesinberry (67yo in June). About 8 months ago, her Multiple Sclerosis— since age 8, diagnosed at 23yo— was diagnosed as having entered "rapid progression." She also has Lupus, RA, heart problems and other health issues. In the last 5 years, she has suffered a statistically fatal brain aneurysm, broken back 4 times, broken ribs, and has been living in a HUD subsidized housing nightmare of management and tenant abuses.
—— "At the onset of seizures, convulsions and black outs, my mother elected to give up driving and lost most of her independence; which resulted in depression and actions totally unlike her usual financial restraint; the most damaging of which are the sudden orders from your company and 2 others we are petitioning. Her excellent credit is in jeopardy, for she cannot pay 2-Visa credit charges amassed near or at $20,000 and she has nothing to collect from an estate at death. She does not remember making most of the orders and was unaware of all charges until recently notified."
—— Dearest Brethren, "Truth is Love" and I love each of you; so, please know that what has happened was not intentional and it has not in any way affected my ability to fulfill God's assigned tasks. The hardest thing I had to do was tell my daughter what I had done: aside from the fact she is my daughter, she is also my caregiver and communicates with all my doctors. When I added that she must want to ground me or some other measure of punishment, her response was, "Wow! That is totally unlike you; but I don't think I need to do anything, Mom. You already are beating yourself up terribly and are seeking solution." The next hardest thing is to confess to you, my brethren in Christ. Still, I must do as James' scriptures direct.
—— I have gone to our Lord for His forgiveness and guidance to understand what happened and why, the best solution and to find what there is to learn from the awful experience. Added to the reasons in the above letter is the fact that, for the last 10 years I have been persecuted for God's Truth I give the world, and for the last year I have been a prisoner in my apartment because of abuses and false complaints. I am a people person, so not interacting with my neighbors and speaking my mind are foreign to me.
—— In March, I became aware of what happened between November 2010 and March 2011, four months of being brainless and temporarily insane: excessive charges to my two Visa accounts for purchases from QVC, HSN and ShopNBC. One of my Visa's allowed $5,000 in over limit charges "before rejecting" additional charges and notifying me. In fact, it was HSN that first notified me because a "flex- or value-pay" was denied. At the time and not knowing the full extent of damage, I gave them my other credit card.
—— On top of the above charges, in February I made a $200 error in my check register, for which my bank took a cash withdrawal on my bank Visa but did not contact me; thus, I was oblivious of the overdraft. I have never made a mathematical error regarding my checking account because I always run a double calculation to prove balance. Apparently, that time I did not: another nail of depression. I did not even do a bank reconciliation and did not notice the $200 deposit on the next bank statement. I learned of it when the cash withdrawal showed up on the Visa statement; although, at first I did not question it; thinking it was part of the charges I had made. Du—uh!
—— I was devastated upon learning just how much I had charged as well as the bank overdraft. Until now, I was debt free, "owed no man," and never in my life had I done such a foolish, irresponsible act. In addition to prayer, my first response was to accept a pre-approved credit card offering no interest for 18 months and had planned to transfer my outstanding balances knowing that no interest would mean lower payments. They withdrew their offer when it was learned I had co-signed a loan for my foster daughter's car a year ago; which was not a problem in that I knew she would pay and has been paying that loan. She desperately needed the car for her job.
—— God's response to my prayers was that I contact QVC, HSN and ShopNBC to ask them to willing take back all that I ordered in exchange for credit to my Visas. They have their money, so they are not obligated to accept returns for credit; especially considering their 30-day return policy has expired. María mailed those letters; and, she is mailing a letter to the Amazon Visa who allowed the over limit charges. Another letter might go out to Bank of America Visa, if needed. While I did make a few payments of about a total of $1000, before the balances soared, I cannot continue to make payments now that they total almost $700 per month, OR I will not eat and cover co-pays on necessary meds: my monthly SS income is only $1011, about 65% below poverty level.
—— Never in my life have I experienced depression; burnout yes, but that is an entirely different situation and set of behaviors. As a counselor, I understood the malady to some degree but had no idea what it felt like or how it affected behavior and memory. María lives in Oregon and comes up as caregiver when I have doctors' appointments; so, she had no idea that something was wrong. When I received notice and by God's plan, it jarred me out of depression's darkness; though I still have no memory of most of the orders I made but do have the proof in products and current billing statements. It seems I simply kept putting away the items and, sight unseen, was not aware of the volume of clothes, shoes, bags and jewelry: things of this world, which also greatly troubles me.
—— While this is devastating to me and I am desperate to clear my name and accounts, I have learned much from this experience: now I understand how those who suffer depression think, which they do not, and act. For over 21 years, I was married to a man who suffered depression as far back as he could remember; yet, I never understood how he could look at a $5 monthly increase in debt yet not understand the impact on our full debt obligation, how he could appear to function normally yet blind to what he was doing, how he sabotaged himself in the process: all I knew at the time.
—— Now I understand how depression functions on a daily basis and the fervent prayer needed from us for all who suffer. Fortunately and unlike those many, I am not and will not need meds for depression. In fact, I was on an antidepressant several years ago as solely a remedy for chronic pain. It had the negative effect of causing me to sleep walk and suffer mild depression that I could recognize. I was off the med immediately; albeit, that med possibly could have added to this experience. I have learned by God's reasoning that this was due to combined, unrelenting events that ultimately overwhelmed me.
—— What I do remember is watching those programs, another thing I had never done, seeing something I liked, thinking I needed a few new clothes, and noting that the "flex-pay" or "value-pay" was only $8 or $12 or $19 per month for 2 or 3 or 5 months coupled with what I thought were only a few full price charges. I saw only those value-pays, surely easy to pay. In all cases, I thought I ordered only one of an item, yet I found in my closet "one in every color" of a number of garments; yet, I remembered only that I wanted it in, say, gray or blue or black.
—— To see now what I have done is disconcerting at best and, at worst, frightening that I could do these things with very little memory of it. There is no doubt in my mind that God snatched me out of a depression that many people suffer for ever. The moment I exited depression, I instantly asked our Lord for His forgiveness and asked for the understanding of not only what happened but also to comprehend how it happened while also seeking guidance in how to remedy the disastrous results. It especially concerns me, not only because we are instructed to "owe no man," but also because we are so close to seeing our Savior in the clouds. I desperately want to be in the clouds with him.
—— I asked God if this could be due to MS because depression is common among MS patients, though I had not experienced it, or could it have occurred due to part of my right temporal lobe now gone and possibly affecting short-term memory. The understanding He gave me was that it was not due to either possibility; instead, it was due to emotional overload during the last 5 years or so, as noted in the letter excerpt above, compounded by continued abuse and being a prisoner where I live. If I had been aware, I might have avoided these consequences: it was so gradual over the past year that I was not aware, instead I thought I handled well the persecutions, abuses and loss of independence.
—— Perhaps even, this also happened because I had always taken "pride" in the fact I was self-disciplined and handled my finances responsibly, that I would NEVER do such a thing. We all know "pride goes before a fall" and it is not a part of Christ's righteousness. I thought, erroneously, that I had shed "pride" at least 15 years ago when it was made known to me that it was "pride" to NOT ask for or accept help when needed. Well, I obviously did not cover all the pride and assumption bases. Still, I feel compelled to add another charge to my sins: coveting. Surely I coveted the many "things" those programs offered. I do not recall ever coveting anything, but it does make sense in this situation. As you have read, my sins are many in this case, sins I sincerely never want to repeat.
—— To ease your minds, however, please know that I have cut up and thrown away the only two credit cards I had in order that this never happens again. A few have suggested bankruptcy in that the credit card companies can charge off the debt, but I do not want to do that. In my mind, to take that route would be equivalent to theft. I desire a solution that is equitable and do-able for both them and me; it is neither my wish nor God's will that I avoid financial responsibility. My greatest fear, for which I earnestly pray, is that I do not lose God's Seal upon me since 1976.
—— For total purification to occur before Christ arrives, as Biblically taught, God made it clear to me that I still had a part to erase: not only of pride but also in thinking people choose to be depressed when there is an easy remedy that they are not willing to pursue; so here I go again. All they had to do was reject it in Christ's name? True, but on the other hand, how does one reject something of which they are unaware?
—— Pride and assumption, two thoughts man has taught we should have: believe a person chooses a negative path as opposed to choosing a positive; pride in our work, pride in success, pride in self-sufficiency, pride that God chose us, pride-pride-pride. We have nothing, are nothing and are not chosen by our own strength, also of which we have none on our own. Thus, I ask that you also ask our Lord for Him to show you if there is "assumption" and/or "pride" or "coveting" or, as the Pharisee, "thanking God that you are not like the lost" or any other sin of which you might not be aware; for we all must be purified of all sins, be we aware or unaware, "before" Christ returns so to Him we can be "presented a righteous people presented."
—— I humbly ask each of you to pray on my behalf that Jesus not only forgive these actions but also that a fair remedy occurs, one I can handle, and that this never happens to me again or happens to any of you. While my mind always has been clear concerning the gifts God has given me and of the tasks that come with those gifts, I never again want to experience such a total lack of self-control and self-discipline. It amazes me that a person in depression can be clear in one matter yet blind of another: know this to be true .
Branch Davidian Update:
—— Sunday night, 04/17, CNN aired a special 2011 documentary about the Waco travesty that began 28 February 1993 and ended 19 April 1993, supposedly in memoriam to all who died— "Faith, Fear and Fire." RDK found it odd that CNN did this just one month after RDK presented its 03-18-11 "Extra Oil: EG White Warned," which included the Davidians' story. Until two weeks ago, there was no mention of a new documentary. This led some RDK members to suggest it was a Federal response to RDK's presentation.
—— After all, we do know that the Feds have been monitoring RDK's online activities for quite some time, as is the World Council of Churches who in the last month began sending emails to us that contain only a title of topic but no link to it. As you might recall, in the year 2000 RDK sent an email to the World Church requesting its list of members. They either checked their archives for our email address or gained it from one of our websites, either Remnant Doctrine Keepers and/or Seventh Seal Library.
——We feel certain Federal authorities were not amused with the truth about the Constitutionally illegal and unnecessary assault that killed 86 Davidians, among them at least 24 children according to CNN. Their presentation showed numerous film clips of ATF's attack on Waco's Davidian compound in Texas, and included interviews with only three survivors; two of which were a married couple actually in the compound at the time and a woman who had left the Davidians well before there was any threat. Another survivor was interviewed but not taped live. And, they interviewed yet another man currently clearing the property with the intent to rebuild both the buildings and the faith.
—— The couple evacuated their three youngest kids but lost their four oldest children to the fire those tear gas canisters forced into the building at high velocity, had caused several explosions of either natural gas and/or butane. In mere minutes, the building was fully engulfed; only a precious few adults and children escaping through a nearby exit.
—— As they previously blamed the Davidians for everything, ATF and an FBI negotiator, that CNN interviewed for the 2011 documentary, claimed Koresh ordered the fires set and said they had an audio tape of him giving the order; which they did not play despite having aired numerous tapes of talk between the negotiator and Koresh. The couple, on the other hand, denied Koresh ordered fires set or that he set them. Koresh already was suffering several gunshot wounds, one of which he showed on video, thus was not moving about the compound.
—— The FBI negotiator stated that, based on his numerous conversations with Koresh, he had determined and reported to ATF that Koresh was "a manipulative narcissistic with psychopathic tendencies," further stating, "The members are low self-esteem people easily manipulated into following whatever Koresh said." The couple declared, "Wow, they didn't give us much credit," and adamantly stated they would not have joined the faith if they had felt that Koresh was not directed by God. To this day, they feel he was an oracle of God. On the other hand, the above woman said everyone believed Koresh was the Messiah incarnate and accused him of saying he was the Messiah.
—— On one video Koresh, taping a plea for ATF to back off, said ATF was "putting members and my wives (plural) and children in danger." This does not really support ATF's claim that Koresh was sleeping with a lot of women and certainly does not prove "sex with kids," the latter of which the couple denied ever happened. Koresh also videotaped only two "wives" with children, one of the wives pregnant with her second.
—— Contrarily, the above one survivor woman said a number of women began having children by Koresh after he purportedly delivered a "message from God:" the men were not to have sex, even with their wives, and that he was the only one to have sex in order to increase pure membership numbers for the time of Christ's return: she was afraid of being the next woman, though she did not state why she believed this but did leave the Davidians, nonetheless. The couple declared her statement to be untrue . The other man interviewed but only his picture shown, joined the Davidians later. He found nothing amiss and believed Koresh was gifted with God's Word of Truth.
—— As for the "arsenal" the Davidians supposedly had, an ATF video of weapons purportedly retrieved after the building burned to the ground was aired. It might be difficult to prove all those guns belonged to the Davidians; however, during the 51-day siege Koresh did a video showing how the group repaired weapons to sell at various gun shows, which is well documented and which, as he said, is not against the Law in Texas.
—— The last man noted above is currently in the process of rebuilding the compound buildings for the purpose of restoring the original California Branch Davidian faith established in 1955 by Victor Houteff, whose leadership later was succeeded by Koresh. The man was the one who first warned the Conference SDA church of Koresh's activities and, at the time, suspected he was a danger to the church. He later learned the truth about the Branch Davidians' beliefs and of Koresh's teachings, deciding then to rebuild the compound and faith for these perilous Laodicea times.
—— While it is obvious that Koresh erred when it came to having more than one wife, he was nevertheless willing to die for God, Christ and his belief in both as well as God's Word Truth; at least concerning God's seventh Sabbath. Like the Mormons, Koresh showed scripture that he felt proved God wanted him to have several wives and many pure children to increase the size of Christ's church. None of the members disagreed.
—— The FBI negotiator readily admitted everything that happened was unnecessary and, in the end, had pleaded with ATF to back off and leave the Davidians alone. Moments later and already angered by ATF's four dead and six wounded, they launched the final full-scale attack using military tanks and armed ATF ground agents. The rest is a history that sent to all Sabbatarians a clear warning of what is to come soon. But only a few will die, if not already counted as Davidians, for Christ will not be far behind. We must be totally purified in time for that glorious day so incredibly near.
Dearest Brethren, please know that BonnieQ asks for nothing of you, only humbly asking your forgiveness of her confessed faults and asks for your prayers on her behalf as well as all the brethren. Bonnie gratefully thanks each of you for fervent prayers as she also prays for each of you to continue to have faith in God's Word He has given her for all of you.
Also, we ask prayer for our brother and RDK member Weldon: his health failing rapidly and currently is in an Oklahoma City nursing home. Weldon is Sister María's dad.
Do not put yourself in danger of losing your Seal, as Bonnie feels she might have endangered God's Seal upon her. That has to be a painful feeling, for such a loss is the greatest fear we all should experience. Fear of God is a good thing.
Much love and prayers,
Sister BonnieQ, God's Handmaiden
Seventh Seal Library