Having said it all, having said nothing at all. Having whispered amongst my tears or shouted at the top of my lungs. Having disected, redirected, rehearsed and over thought every possible reason and angle. Told myself to be calm and accept your peace, but images of darkness and fears arise to remove even the slightess moment of peace. Spoke out in the darkness....where are you, when will you hear? Feeling further and further away from your presense and sensing a freefall into emptiness. How could this be happening? Where is your joy in the morning? What are the lessons I am being taught, open my heart to receive every crumb of knowledge of where I've been, what I've experienced and where you're taking me.
Your ways are far higher than our ways and your thoughts far greater than ours. Help me to be still and know your are God! You've told us to wait on the Lord. Impatience is one of our worst enemies. These times of loneliness and depression are times of reflection. God has Blessed us with the opportunity to repent and bring to mind all the sins we've committed and if we repent, he in his boundless Grace and Mercy will forget them, that's his promise to us and now we have to pray that by the power of the Holy Spirit we can learn to forgive ourselves, move on with our lives and stop living in the past. Our God is a God of now and he wants us to live our lives in the now. We can't change the past, but if we will put our trust in Jesus he will begin to make the hard things to forget begin to fade and his purpose for your life will begin to reveal itself.
For some people God has chosen a path of teaching that is short and in others the journey seems like a marathon, but regardless of your situation pray to God to enlighten you to what these events are molding in your life.
When I take stock of my life, I feel as if I've never really been alive. I've allowed Satan to keep my locked within a mental prison. God has heard every prayer for deliverance, but obviously he's still trying to get through my hard head.
Lord I pray restore my joy and peace to my life, create in me that candle shining in me that gives you all the adoration and Glory.
You've told us Father that your people perish due to a lack of knowledge. Holy Spirit begin teaching me how to put my Faith in Christ, to live in the moment and give thanks and cherish everyday given to me by Almighty God.
Sometimes the hardest lessons in life can bring out the greatest Blessings. Open my eyes to recognize the little things I need to be doing that will allow you to use everyday to win souls to Jesus.
Thank you Father for this journey, it's been rough, but you've actually saved me from myself! Praise your Holy name!