Escape from sanity.
I was looking at a man in a city bus, holding on to a post and reading a newspaper. A professional man I thought, but what was wrong with the whole picture was that it was not real, The Man was not real, the bus , the city streets and not even the post was real. At least , not one of the ...
, i am now like a chippeqawa, even the old guy with a peruvian toque who always wants a looney from me, starts out with his hand out and then recognizes me and turns atound and rushes away from me, afterv12 hours of pumping blood into me because i just would not die and I was getting tired of it, mary the nurse rushed at me with a phone call your ride! What ride? you can go! You mean a taxi? ... I don;t know anyone to call, .. so she rushes to check the buschedule, then rushes back, to get the tubes disconnected and help me dress and rush me ou the door and I am going like I am really drunk because I am not used to having blood in me! Ah, she is a good head, our last few words were that there cannot be any logic in medicine. look, you pick up an old fart from the cement walk, rush him here, spend thousands of dollatrs when he would be happy with a ten dollar bye bye good night pill, and then you chase him ou the dor because you have done your duty and hope never to see him again! wll it is not quite like that, but I was supposed to die in a couple od days!v And thing got weirder and weirder, ohhh but how weird they got right there at the edgde and then backing off it! But like big soap bubbles! So You help me please, at minus 34 , why was I nt dead?
And ho, you should see the world I did see, science fiction! FFFFOOOY! And it is all going on right now! It wil take me while
to figure out what can be written,, but your mom was right, it is all wrong! all wrong!
Got o eat now, just remebered I have astomach.
--------- One soap bubble i kind of remember.
--- I am nothing, the father of everything....
But this guy I was looking at was kind of trans[parent to me, I could see the smallest bits of matter in it , faintly luminiscent, and firing away in strange patterns that remindd me of the enchanted loom. nI knew , that it was the 90 % of so of the DNA we know still as JUNK-DNA...
watching contact to rest fascias of muscles that have not been around for a while
and a brain that has been round too much... seems that i lost touch with both, the body
will recover a bit better than what i lost from the mind when i went over the horizon a bit.\
I will try to write only what i remember, not scifi elaborations, and avoid making comments. Like the first that came to mind years ago when I first heard of junk-dna- Yeah! Like nature makes junk and preserves it carefully..And nurse Mary- who said, - we can' t be worth much since we have built in fail-proof self- destruct mechanisms. And watching this man on the bus, knowing that he was living a completely credible make believe life in with the whole world and the systems created to make that life of his real when in fact his mission was something he was never goingb to know or even suspect. tthe best delivery systems are the dumbest. Which reminded me of Dr Van Vliet - you can always hear him when he is on duty- like an actor on his stage- I will give you this for the diarrhea but you have to know that one of its possible side effects, is- diarrhea. And this guy on the bus I was watching, was like i was watching a live, functioning host being kept alive and consumed at the same time, as all of its kind and then , disposed and never a clue. And all the supporting cast, infrastructures, arts, sciences struggle whatever junk it was that he was carrying along with the blueprints for other dumb carriers like him. I got what it seemed to me a glimpse of it, like in an out of body experience- my second one- but all i can remember is that it impressed me as sacrilegious.
Any way , this event started out as a sequel to that other memorable event , [I will check see if it is posted somwhere] got to conserve my oxygen.. hhaaa,
ah dont know where that is. Anyway it is the time i pulled a Rasputin stunt on me and i would not die I had taken 63 sleeping pills thinking I was so weak that them and a couple of shots of sambucca should do the job, but then -in doubts- I wobbled down to the van to add Helium to the cocktail. As I reached for the side door I slipped on some loose cement and fell wedging my body between the curb and the bottom of my van. It was late at night, ,no one within hear shot, so I struggled and struggled to free myself until finally and completely exhausted I managed to do that that only to fall on my nose as I attempted to stand up. knocked mysell off, then did I not try to stand again as soon as I came back to my senses and fell like timber again on the right side of my face. When I came to again, this time I just opened the side door, crawled in on the floor , shot the door and passed out for good this time. There I baked for nearly two days when I was found basting in my pissy hot van and rushed to emergency. When I came to dr Jenkins told me that my hemoglobin was down to 43 and they were getting ready to infuse some blood in me. I refused. She assured me that i would die. . I found out later she thought i might last 48 hours. That was just fine with me.
So I was sent home and I waited. I waited and waited. Two weeks later I get an e.mail from Elaine- she wants to come down to visit! Hell! , then I think it would be a good idea if she did and I'd hitch a ride back with her. I am convinced, no it is a fact that my condition deteriorated since I moved to Trail for treatment , and the sulfuric acid spewing of the two smokestacks right above my place are killing me. So I now want some blood to get away. I e-mail Dale, that though it is late friday night, reads it and calls 911, and here comes five beefy young guys all in black and the story goes on. The young doctor's opinion is that I am pale! Heck my hands are the colour of bleached bones. I hear dr Van Vliet lecturing a nice looking young girl that this is not a hotel, that she can't come in late on a weekend night for a bed and drugs. Dr van Vliet is always policing the place. Last time I was underr arrest, he declared me a Cynic! A Cynic! In this world? I wonder how would be possible?! I mean given eyes and ears etc. etc.
Anyway, the young lady doctor does'nt even bother to report to me that my hemo is down to 34. At my age , 68 would be critical. strange, in fact when I went to check with my doctor he knew nothing about it. And that didnt make him happy. It happened 3 times already. Someone wasn't keeping him up to date and as my doctor they should. So he asked me what was my hemo count when I checked in this time and I told him.- 34. He raised his voice so that i could get it through my thick skull - that is not possible -he yelled- You would be dead! Yeah I break all the rules and I breakem well! Sorry!
Now where was I?
Now where was I?
The man on the bus I described as I saw him, there seemed no reason for me to see what I saw , yet in my mind I saw him, and it must have been for some reason i did. The bus`was motoring up hill, the post to which he steadied himself came up from the floor and planted itself on the roof uniting the two and again for no reason I was seing the man, the post and the bus in a flowing transparency and faint glowing lught. It did not get the meaning of it yet I though -this is not a man, not a bus not his realty.. something else this was... another reality? Another kind of man? And the mind that usually goes through enourmous amount of material when putting thoughts together picked on the words of E. Allan Poe, " man, the glory jest and riddle of the world!". (sic?) In fact one of my oldest riddles. How can man who can be so gentle, so noble and refined also be the violent, brutal, so monstruous a being Was this telling me why? Asking me? Was it telling me that the man on the street, the family and neighbor were mere pigment and a scents on a creature that had a completely different agenda to the one he displayed in everyday life? But What? What agenda? Some alien take over way down the line... No! It made no sense at all. There was only one possible reason man needed the kind of built in madness that would allow him to go both ways.... He could be allowed fine emotions, love, refinement and all the other trappings of a high cultured creatures if he at the same time hd a paralell program that would take over reason and emotions when the demands of the survival of the fittest was compromised by man;s more peaceloving character, this paralell programs would also operate on all kinds of seemingly irrational activites... mmm I could name quite few ... but I am reminded of a saying I used some where - But A touch of pity makes the beast a monster!
Oh and I had to chew up a pampered young mental heatl guardian, she came with a pamphlet from her guru and started reading to me childish chatechism. , it ended that I was rather brutal, then she tried to pin me down to say that I was as great as budda or jesus, to which i refused to speculate so she countered that i was not as great as her california guru. later I mailed her logion 14 [ in particular part 2] and then asked her--- if you met the greatest mind in the world in a slum in trail, how could you possibly know?
NO! I have sinned of enthusiasm! I saw more than there was in the vision and got carried away in my interpretation . I knpw this , because I have had a restless night, and in the night one brief
simple dream , a commentary I could not miss.
I saw a pedestal for a modest monument. On it a squirrel had left a small pile of debris where he had husked his pine cone. The monument- whatever it had been- was gone.
I am Colony! [escapade]
Since I got here by the meandering of this mind let me try to explain why I Think of myself as colony.!. Each cell of my body includes its own DNA. It is also likely that it includes the blueprint of its own history Junk-DNA of how it performed certain transformations that permitted it from a single independent cell identical to so many others, to become a cell with certain adaptations that could contribute and partake cooperatively with similarly adapted single cells By forming a complex structure which benefited all those cells that could so adapt to the welfare of a forming new complex whole. In other words simple cells ( such as Coral cells) may have specialized to do certain tasks that added more and more to the versatility of a forming more complex organism so that what may have started out as a colony of identical cells performing identical tasks, were prompted in time to modify their structures and became cooperative integral parts of more complex marine forms with greater range and possibilities. In which case each cell in addition to its own original DNA instructions plus those accumulated instructions specifying how it transformed itself to become integral part of the new form , also stored those instructions of the now completed new form. These new forms then, evolving continuously thereafter gave start to many more varieties. There seams to be no reason to me to have every cell of my body contain a complete duplicate sect of instructions, and at the same time it would be impossible for every cell of a very complex body to provide the proper and specific form to form and fit itself exactly in a very complex structure.
Indulging a bit more off my main subject here, there are some interesting inferences that can be drawn from this assumption. All things that are concrete, are composed by the infinitely small basic units, right up to galaxies. And the others, such as space, time and, possibly, gravity , that are infinite and formless have no components or are made up of nothing...maybe
Had some words come up to me, not from the lord or even Daimon. It seemed to me , deep from my body or my life force. Cannot make much sense of them but I thought they were prophetic and/or poetic, so i l include them here as they happened.
" You will see, you wil see! You will deny me , and on this denial you will live your life."
Which- still of track- reminnds me that Susan paid me a visit. I was delighted that she would have after we had squared off on opposite camps at the end of her last visit. Unfortunately her reason was to persuade me to be analised one more time by a professional shrink. The last attempt at certifying me insane had failed. So this was an in extremis move to arrive at a certificate. In extremis and oddly suspicious as of real motives, because here I am , minding my business, one foot in the grave, with a landlord, a charming rascal, who is a jesus freak without any reticence, who constantly talks to the heavenly hosts and has jesus go with him to garage sales and act as partner in all aspects of his business, sports, hobbies etc, and she come to try to help me on questions of sanity.
So , just now , I receive a response to my question - If you met the greatest mind in the world in a slum in Trail , how would you know?
Regarding your email, thank you for the email and my assumption about meeting the greatest mind would be that based upon what they have done they are indeed a great mind.
I replied- Yes I will accept that ,reputation. and added an amusing anecdote from Andre' just back from the north to help her a bit further.
-.Amazing 22 hrs of daylight. HAD a muslim engineer who couldn't figure out which way was east to pray." He sais but if the sun is setting and rising nearly in the same spot within 2 hours where/wnen is my faith? didn't know what to tell him. He was trying to fast too from sunrise to sunset...way too long I guess...so much for religious doctrines eh?>
She replied- Yes, religious doctrines are very different than mysticism and we are talking mysticism and not religious doctrines.
But isn't it the saddest possible world or state of mind, that which does not even allow the contemplation of a free spirit?
In a more pedestrian way the saying used to go- If you are so smart , how come you are not rich?.
Of course, now that i think I have made my point , I am free to confess that I am not free. Only if I had no purpose at all could I be free. Hard to imagine what that would be like! Even the wind, were it to blow entirely free would be meaningless. No branch would sway nor ripples form and by Jove I cannot be entirely wise either! Which way and how would my wisdom be directed, how could it be measured and meted out? Would any passions have reason to stir? Would I indeed be alive in some way? Ah ! But my message to Susan when I arrived at the village of Nakusp, was : The free spirit has landed. I would be wise to leave it at that. speaking of wisdom though, on the bus ride I had a chance to check the gospel of Thomas again , and I was relieved to find that in spite my great effort to decrypt a good number of the secret saying of Jesus, I had succeeded only marginally and this only of the most obvious ones and in other cases my attention had been cleverly directed to the decoy meaning and as for the rest, as - logion 21 for instance- I still had no idea of their secret meaning! But the oxymoron idea of interpreting a secret saying and posting it on the net still disturbs me . How could I have been so incredibly stupid not to know that I would have -if successful- betrayed the teacher and completely undermined the spirit of exercise?
but the greatest and most magical part of anything I had the fortune to come in contact with in this incredible life experience had- to my fortune- never fully surfaced on the consciousness nor had therefore been disturbed by my clumsy prodding as it went on presenting itself slowly but with increasing brightness as a new dawn. The secret saying of Jesus- i finally understood- could not - like a Promethean gift- be interpreted and distributed to mankind like fire! No one could receive their magic that way, and even if the meaning was rendered perfectly and it was understood their magic would could not be unlocked and could not function because these words would acquire their power only as they developed slowly and fully in the mind of the seeker their specific concept which had been present but dormant in the mind of the seeker since the beginning of time.
. but before you eagerly accept this delayed time-lock type assembly of a magical experience to be more or less as i describe it , and to be fair to the Susan principle, let me tell you a bit about the origin of this writing.
When i got to the Kusp I headed straight across the bus depot to Elaine's. She was not there So I just drank lots of water from the hose and lie down on the grass for a couple hours or so . After that i needed some serious rest so I left my worldly posessions at her back door and checked in at the selkirk motel. In the morning Elain'es sister took over. she is an incredibly aggressive and capable leader. she sees , size up and acts! Elaine' was trying to get in touch with Mel or her daughter Sabrina who lived at Mel because she thought Mel had a` spare room to rent. After a few minutes of her trying different electronic modes her sister took over.. she got me in her car and with Elaine we took off two blocks down the road to a rambling tin roofed shack. They jumped off and started looknig. I was still getting out of the car when signs of life within the rambling structure were noted and reported.
- Ho, I have seen someone moving in there!
- What colour was it?
I found out a minute later that that apparently nonsensical question was rather to the point . Mel has his own tanning bed in there, right beside a gigantic potable gym and he dyes his head canary yellow blond. So when he appeared at the sunny front stoop darkly tanned in a bright green shorts he looked like a giant electrified and illuminated pickle of some sort.
The two ladies were on a mission and had another destination in mind, so the intros were brief the contract almost instantaneous and in minutes I had been assigned by the never ending resourses of heavens residency in a shack. In a small room of which three walls were covered from top to knee level with equidistant bracketed twelve inch empty shelves. A small bed in in the middle , hence i call it my Hat room , with the mad hatter landlord as far as I know, one of the brightest people on the face of the earth!
So there, the Susan principle is satisfied. It just so happen hat whatever substance my writing happen to have , come not from some ashram in california , nor some castle in europe, though I do not envy Krishnamurti and I still admire some of his contributions [a mother cannot love her child!], it just so happens that what I have to say here , issues from a shack and will have to be judged on its own merit somehow. I can reassure you that my interest here is of the greatest levels ever. I consider the Gospel of Thomas the greatest event of my intellectual experience. The challenge as well as the opportunity is electrifying and after ten years of pasturing in the region with Gameteus and Daimon , so very gratifying and vindicating that , i will have to proceed further into it not with the greed of plunderig a treasure but with the utmost reverence.
After such a fabulous encounter, whether one makes further progress or not , anyone should feel sufficiently satisfied that from t on to the conclusion of his existence it can only be a matter of satisfaction and joy .
Long ago a great mind saw the world in its wholeness and across the ages and in it he saw men adrift in it and also recognized that some at least, might do better with a little help and so decided it was worth framing some of his wisdom in ways that those capable of open mind might find comfort and guidance in his words. alas his precious words were placed in vessels and hidden away and they too became drifters through the ages, and only by a very slim chance they landed on our shores not long ago. Yet then my life went almost entirely by these shipwrecks. I had brief encounter of them a few years ago but yet did not realize the personal message they bore out to me from a long dark night. Though I was looking for just such a message as is evident in my own writing , I failed to recognize their precious significance , till about a year ago , eric e-mailed me one of the logia inviting me to produce an interpretation . I did , and quickly i sought others that i might interpret and reveal their meaning and so avid went I from one secret to another that I did not know how foolish my eagerness had made of me. Suddenly then l asked myself - is this proper even!? The answer was of course, no! slowly I also understood that these didactic secrets thus revealed could not benefit anyone since they no longer elicited the approach, the right attitude, the right effort and eventually the right mental adjustments tha thei required of the seeker in order to become effective. There!, I feel better now. and as I said earlier not only was I relieved to find out that I had only marginally succeeded in my effort to understand their true meaning , but also that I had left most of their content intact and yet to be approached. I also felt a sort of elation, like a blessing upon me just for the fact that I was now in a full appreciation mode of an event so rare if not altogether unique as was my priviledge to hear the words of such a master whether or not I coult truly uderstood their meaning and their message to me personally . It is an awesome and still miraculously growing experience.
I am reminded of the day some years ago , when I wrote an ebtry in the book of maybes that shoked Eric.. It was my moment of despair when i rejected Jesus christ altogether .....
it went sort of- Get out of my way Jesus!... You impostor! How dare you wash away my sins! ? ....
- Here claudio, I died for you and you are for ever in my debt, forever a failure... etc etc.
I think it was then that i definitely turned to Gameteus the conscious part of creation and do it yourselfer. And Lo and behold if I were not to discover in the last days that the same concept had been preached by none other than Jesus and had been hidden, burried really, for so long as the Walmart does it all product ...nah! Just check logion 70.
The Walmart kind is your death.