Not a Politician
edited: Friday, December 23, 2011
By Hazel Hart
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Friday, December 23, 2011
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A single 356-word sentence satirizing the 2010 campaign ads of long-winded Kansas candidates running for office.
If you have turned on your television recently, you have probably heard all the nasty, negative, revolting, dirty, underhanded, slimy, reprehensible lies about me that my mudslinging opponents have been packing their ads with, particularly the ads approved by Jill Washington Insider, who claims that I, Joe Candidate, a congressman running for U. S. Senate, have voted for abortion, tax increases, government takeover of health care, legalization of illegal aliens, giving rights to terrorists, and gun control, and, the most reprehensible lie of all, that I, Joe Candidate, am a politician; I want to assure you that I am not a politician: I was not born in Canada, my parents are not French, and what I am, beyond the shadow of a doubt, is a U.S. citizen with a birth certificate on file in Topeka, Kansas, because Kansas is the state of my birth, my father's birth, my grandfather's birth, and my great-grandfather's birth, not to mention all the women in my family who were also born in Kansas, so all this talk that I am an illegal alien trying to ship Kansas jobs to Mexico is pure hogwash, hogwash being a good Kansas term for stupidity, along with terms such as gibberish, claptrap, hooey, and bunkum, and I, Joe Candidate, am, was, and always will be a businessman (not a politician) whose roots run deep in Kansas, and if you elect me I will stop big government, tax increases, government bailouts, and get the government out of health care, and I am also pro life, pro gun, and pro death penalty, so if you believe as I do, that Kansas needs a senator who will stand up to the Washington politicians, then vote for me, Joe Candidate, not a politician, but a businessman who has created jobs, unlike my opponent, Jill Washington Insider, a woman you cannot trust who spends all her time rubbing elbows with Washington politicians instead of spending time in Kansas and finding out what Kansas citizens with small town Kansas values want, and I am proud to say that I am Joe Candidate (not a politician) and I approved this message.