I thought the number would be conservative...say 15 or 20%. Boy, was I amazed, when I saw the number at 72% of parents said they would NOT do it again if they could do things over again!
Ever wonder why the divorce rate is still so high in 2012. Is the institution of marriage becoming extinct? Over the years, I have rarely read gossip columns or watched the gossip television shows, etc. But, once in awhile, I read a piece in the newspaper, to see if I can identify with the writer of the piece. In the following case, I DID identify with the writer, who wrote into the 'Dear Abby' column, and this piece was published in the Albuquerque Journal sometime in the winter of 2012. The piece is entitled;
You Can't Make Your Parents Love You!
"DEAR ABBY; I have been fortunate to most areas of my life; I have a loving husband; a beautiful apartment; and will graduate from law school in a few months. My problem is my parents are indifferent about anything I have achieved in my life.
They resfuse to visit our home or acknowledge my milestones...like high school or college gradation and my wedding. What have I done wrong to make them so ashamed of me? And, how can I make them love me and show some pride in their eldest daughter? UPSET DOWN SOUTH;
You have accomplished much in your young life. That your parents are unable...or unwilling to give you the acknowledgment you crave is more reflection on them than it is on you.
You're no longer a child. Rather than continue blaming yourself, it's time to take a long, hard look at THEM and ask yourself what kind of people would treat their firstborn child, the way you have been treated. Then draw you own conculsions.
You can't get blood from a stone, and you can't force loveless people to love you. But, you can stop beating yourself up for being able to 'please' them and go on to life a happy and useful life."
END OF RESPONSE;
To the woman in this story...the only thing I can say is...
You Can't Please Everyone...So Don't Try!
And, if you try to please everyone...including your parents...you're a bigger FOOL than I thought. I know what this woman is talking about, because my parents were like hers. My parents were negative people; not able to give praise; or not even acknowledge anything. The only thing they seemed to care about...was themselves. At the age of 67 in 2012, I know what this woman is talking about. It's like having no parents for all these years. My father never attended any of my Little League games, or my graduation from high school. He always 'had something to do.'
I've lived my entire life, with this principle, 'You can't please everyone, so don't try.' And, that goes for my parents as well. So, your parents don't love you, eh? Well, don't feel like the Lone Ranger, tootsie! In my view, people today, are too negative; to selfish; too jealous; and too resentful; and have the red carpet out to themselves, etc. They're locked in their own little world of ME; ME and more ME! Everything revolves around these people. And, what you say or do, is not going to change them. I call these type of people, 'the little minds of the world,' and that includes my own parents.
The way I see it, the country is filled with too much of the following and it's getting worse;
jealousy; (description); feeling resentment against someone bec ause of that person's rivalry, success or advantages;
resentment; (description); the feeling of displeasure or indignation or some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult;
selfishness; (description); devoted to caring only for oneself, conserned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, regardless of others;
$64, 000 question; Of the ten kids your parents produced over the years, did they love any of the kids.
Answer; NO! I don't think they loved any of the kids...they just loved themselves. This was a family with no love...I don't think brothers and sisters loved each other,either. This was the #1 dysfunctional family in the world. I think the kids were a burden to my parents and the kids were produced for their own little agenda as shown below;
My father's agenda;
My father had to be the most jealous man in the world at the time. Jealously can get so bad, that everyone knows that jealous people can kill. Simply stated...my father didn't care in any way, the ten kids he helped to produce. Once he knocked my mother up...time after time, his job was over. He never had anything to do with the upbringing orf the children. His day and week was over at 5:00 PM after he returned from work. It was up to my mother to raise the kids.
Because of his extreme jealousy, he had to find a way to keep my mother in chains, pregnant, and baking cookies in the kitchen. My mother was a homemaker all of her life. My father did not want my mother, to work outside the home, not even if the job was part-time, or temporary, etc. My mother was a good-looking woman, and my father did not want any other men looking at her. This is all guesswork on my part, but my brothers and sisters would agree with me. This was a time in the 1050's and 60's, when most women stayed at home and raised the kids, and the father went out and brought home the bacon, etc.
It was not until about the late 1980's, that the greed set in all over the country, and the woman of the house, had to go out and to get a job to make ends meet. But, my father didn't want my mother out in the workplace, regardless of the situation. One way, to keep my mother in the home, was to knock her up, time after time, and produce kid after kid...and she would have to stay at home to raise the kids. This thought sounds evil, doesn't it? My brothers and sisters would agree with me, and we thought this happened between my father and mother.
In other words, most or ALL of us TEN kids were not wanted. We were just used for a purpose...that purpose was to keep my mother at home raising babies, and out of the eye of other men. My mother was pregnant all the time...or so it seemed. When my oldest sister was 20 years old , and still living at home...my youngest brother, Rusty, was born. My father would not get involved with the kids at all...that was my mother's job.
My mother's agenda; My mother was not an educated women, and she didn't even finish high school, so she did not have the skills to get any kind of a job outside the home, except cleaning motels, or cafeteria work at the neighborhood school. My mother didn't want to get a job outside the home...she would rather be a stay-at-home mom, and raise the kids. My mother was caring and loving in the beginning, when the kids frist started appearing. But, later on, and after 20 years of children, everything began to ware on her, and the kids are now becoming a burden. With no help from my father, she was over-whelmed after twenty years of this. Kids are 24 hours a day...seven days a week. My mother was beginning to crack and it showed.
It is said, that, if a person stays in a certain environment, that person will become like the environment. My father was always cold and distant, and now my mother was beginning to change...becoming like my father...cold and distant...apathetic to the things around her. Sure, she got what she wanted...to stay out of the workplace...but, I think she bit off more than she could chew...too many kids. Can you imagine...tending to the business of the eldest, who will soon graduate from high-school...and then going and changing the diaper of the new-born? My mother bit off more than she could chew...and she was eventually over-whelmed by it all.
I don't think my father ever looked at a report card from school...and that's because he didn't care. My mother eventually got like him, too. Apathetic and uncaring for both. I think all my brothers and sisters felt unloved as did I. My mother was 66 years of age, when my mother and father got divorced, and my father was 70 years of age. Although, most of my brothers and sisters live here in town, I was the only one, who attended a divorce hearing in Judge Kass' office. There was a reason why my brothers and sisters didn't attend. They didn't care what happened to my mother and father, who did not love them, and had their little agenda for many years, to use the kids for their own little agenda (selfishness) on their part...of years past.
I didn't see my parents in the last years of their life. I didn't communicate with my mother for 19 years before her death at 85.. And, I think that's the way she wanted it. No Christmas cards; no birthday cards; no celebrations of any kind. NOTHING! I didn't care if my father died or not. He had no caring for me, while he was alive.
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