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Blogs by Kage Alan
Once You Go Asian, That's Your Persuasion
10/10/2011 2:38:05 AM
Barb Wire's tagline was "Don't call me babe." Mine seems to be "Don't call me Rice Queen." Barb has bigger breasts.
Cliches suck, but they come from somewhere, right? That whole ‘once you go black, you never go back’? Is it true? I don’t know. Then there’s ‘once you go Asian, that’s your persuasion’. ‘If you go white, that’s your delight.’ The list goes on and it gets pretty absurd. I’ve met plenty of white guys in my 41 years and I’ve found very few of them to be remotely delightful. Some of them are definitely more tolerable than others, but delightful? It’s a bit of a stretch. Anyway, why bring this up? I received a few e-mails after last week’s blog post about the WEHO Book Fair with friends playfully calling me a rice queen. I hate that, but I may have some insight into the phenomena.
In the simplest of all ways of putting things, guys who date Asian men do so because we have a discerning taste for the finer things in life. That and we enjoy the best sex humanly possible. Now, before you cry foul, that’s not to say that you haven’t had sex when sleeping with someone who isn’t Asian. You have had sex. You just haven’t had the best sex humanly possible and if you think you have, take a look at your partner. Is he Asian? No? Then haven’t had the best sex humanly possible. See how this works?
Now, it’s possible that some men will only date Asian men because they themselves were Asian in a previous life. Ask Shirley MacLaine. I know. It sounds like a crock of shit to me, too. There are a number of Asian men who say that they want to date someone different from themselves–for a variety of reasons too lengthy to get into here–so why couldn’t the same be said for other non-Asian guys? That logic actually kinda works. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander (preference in bed being the determining factor in who’s the goose and who’s the gander). And believe me when I say I’ve seen my fair share of folks who waddle.
So, where does that leave me? Well, I don’t waddle. Not yet. I started dating my guy 16 1/2 years ago and it wasn’t because he’s half Asian. He’d been my friend for 3 1/2 years by that point, our personalities clicked and a romantic extension of our relationship felt right. We had chemistry. Ironically, that was first and only time I’d use that word because I HATED chemistry and failed it in college the first time I took it. Now I was living it! It made so much more sense. Why didn’t the professor tell us that chemistry and sex were so intertwined?
Now, because Chinese culture was a huge part of my guy’s life due in part to the Grandmonster, I decided early on that I should spend time learning about it and taking an interest in it, which is exactly what I did. There was a local Asians and Friends group and I started attending some of their meetings and events, making friends along the way and then traveling overseas with my guy to Hong Kong. Immerse yourself in a culture long enough and you’ll start to appreciate it, which is also exactly what I did.
And there’s actually much to like. I’ve read the horror stories about how strict Asian families are with their children and how education and economics are emphasized over other things. It’s not how we would do things, but it works for them. But, just as with our system, there are strengths and weaknesses. From a relationship standpoint, friends of mine who are Asian have expressed far more specific/strict expectations about what they want in their dating life and what they don’t. They approach from a different angle and aren’t fond of compromising if it’s perceived as too much a lessening of their final goal.
This isn’t to say that nobody else shares the same seriousness about relationships. I wouldn’t dare group everybody into the same category. However, it’s a noticeable difference with an Asian partner. That and they monitor my blog posts, so if I say anything out of line, well…you’ll know because there won’t be a follow-up post on Thursday. That and I won’t be having the best sex as humanly possible for a while and, at 41, I need all I can get before I hit middle age.
As much kidding and respect as I give Gaysians or Asian men who happen to be gay, I feel compelled to and not just because my partner is half. I do it because this minority tends to be marginalized and ignored…and my partner is half. It’s seeped into my books, especially Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell. I give both partners equal strengths and weaknesses and each is important to their relationship and overall plot of the book. This is just as it should be in any relationship. The fun part has been keeping this up while I’m writing the Gaylias sequel.
So when I say I know my audience at a book fair, it’s because I do. There are a number of folks looking for something to read that they’ll enjoy. I like to think I’m offering a little something that some of them haven’t seen or found before. And it makes me feel good when they e-mail to tell me they enjoyed it, especially since they don’t call me a Rice Queen.
Or, you know, you could just say I’m whipped. I probably am.
________________________
Kage Alan is the A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors watching, Kim Wilde listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” He’s thrilled there are no more trips schedule for the year! I can finally start catching up on a bit more cleaning, making additional plans with dad and schedule a little me-time when possible.
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• We’re Just Like Everybody Else: A Week in the Life - Monday, July 11, 2011
• Classic Blog Post: The Call A Child Hopes Never To Receive - Saturday, July 09, 2011
• Please Take My Temperature The Old-Fashioned Way! - Thursday, July 07, 2011
• July 4, 2011: Will Gay Marriage Be The Next Fabulous Revolution? - Monday, July 04, 2011
• Classic Blog Post: Megaforce: Special Edition Blog Post - Saturday, July 02, 2011
• Winning The Struggle Over Dealing With Alzheimer’s - Thursday, June 30, 2011
• Intergalactic Asian American Seeks Promotion: A Candid Conversation with Garrett Wang (Part 2) - Wednesday, June 29, 2011
• Intergalactic Asian American Seeks Promotion: A Candid Conversation with Garrett Wang (Part 1) - Tuesday, June 28, 2011
• Tech People Will Hate Me Despite My Shapely Bum and Manhood - Monday, June 27, 2011
• Classic Blog Post: White Hair, The Sushi Nazi & A Heavy Metal Birthday - Saturday, June 25, 2011
• The Cave Called and It Wants It Batshit Back - Thursday, June 23, 2011
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