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Kage Alan

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Member Since: Jun, 2009

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No One Goes There Now
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Imperial interstellar explorers discover the remote, idyllic planet Dan, but the enigmatic indigenes are unhappy over Code Duello, a facet of Convention males of Imperium..  
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Butt Babes In Boyland

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Butt Ninjas From Hell

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Butt Pirates In Space

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Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell

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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way To My Sexual Orientation

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Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins

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Blogs by Kage Alan

Why Do Two People Have To Obey in a Marriage? Why Can’t You Just Do It?
7/2/2012 2:49:17 AM
Ever have one of those marriages where your spouse can't figure out why you won't promise to obey, but he doesn't think he should have to? Ah, the Chinese way.
My honorable adopted little brother is getting married in a couple of days and I’m kind of psyched for him! I should clarify one bit, though. He adopted me. Or, rather, he had me adopt him, but in spirit only. We look nothing alike despite having similar temperaments. I’m really not entirely sure either what I get out of the whole being a big brother thing because all I ever seem to hear from him is “What you are getting me for my birthday? What are you getting me for Christmas? Can I have your airline miles?” He even refuses to come visit anymore, yet still wants my miles. That’s usually when I start referring to him as little shit instead of little brother. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, though I would have him visit more. Anyway, I’ve been helping him write his vows the past two weeks and it reminded me of when the Pookster and I wrote ours…and the chaos that ensued you never heard about.

I am, if nothing else, a creature of habit. I prefer to pack a minimum of four days before a trip, print up a sheet of important information for all members on that trip, then relax so I’m not rushing. This doesn’t mean I’m anal. It’s just that whole yin and yang thing. My husband tends to do things at the very last minute as he’s rushing out the door, so I compensate for it by doing what I do. And when it came to our vows, I started on mine two months ahead of time only because I wanted to make sure I got everything down I wanted to say, could finesse it, practice reading it aloud and make sure it flowed. Naturally, I tried to get him to do the same thing.

Moi: Have you started writing your vows yet?
Pookie: Vows? You were serious???
Moi: Yes. (through clenched teeth)
Pookie: Well, why do I have to do that?
Moi: Because you should have things you want to say to me.
Pookie: I do, but can’t he just tell you to obey? It’s not like you’ve done a phenemonal job of listening to me when I’ve told you to do over the last seventeen years.
Moi: That’s what you want to say to me? You want to tell me to obey you?
Pookie: Isn’t that what one of the parties is supposed to agree to in vows?
Moi: It’s a little more than that.
Pookie: How much more?
Moi: There’s something about loving, cherishing and obeying, through sickness and health, better and worse and all that.
Pookie: Okay, first of all, why do I have to tell you I love you again? We had this discussion seventeen years ago. Nothing’s changed. Cherish you? I don’t let anybody else touch you. Doesn’t that say something without me having to say it? And of course I want you healthy. You’d have fewer excuses not to obey me if you had decent health insurance.
Moi: For the record, both parties are supposed to agree to obey each other.
Pookie: The hell they are! Maybe in your silly little gweilo traditions, but I’m Chinese and you’re going to be doing the obeying.
Moi: You’re half gweilo.
Pookie: I asked you not to remind me of that. See? There you go not listening again. This is why the officiate should be writing and reciting the vows. This is what I’m paying him for. He’d just better not slip in the word ‘respect’ because I’ll laugh.
Moi: We.
Pookie: Pardon me?
Moi: We. This is what we’re paying him for.
Pookie: That’s what I said.
Moi: No, you said ‘I’, not ‘we’.
Pookie: I, we…it’s the same thing. What’s yours is mine, what’s mine is mine…yours…mine…I…we. Same thing. It’s all mine.
Moi: You’re still not getting out of this.
Pookie: Alright, fine. I’ll write some vows.
Moi: You’re going to have to say some nice, flattering things when you do it, too.
Pookie: Oh, come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

This conversation went on for two months. And do you know when he wrote them? He did it less than fourteen hours before we were to step in front of the officiate. Coulda killed him. Fortunately, Miss Kim was a soothing influence on him and what came out of his mouth was quite nice and very flattering. And, as promised, he laughed out loud when the officiate uttered the word ‘respect’…twice.

I’ve heard some of the back and forth between my little brother and his fiance and it’s been quite entertaining. The words “You are frickin’ ridiculous!” have been uttered by him (my little brother) on more than one occasion. But I’ve helped him write and smooth out his vows and based on that, I think there’s going to be a whole lot of forgiveness coming from him no matter how frickin’ ridiculous each other may have been.

Here’s to a long, happy life together, Little Eddie and Mark!

With much love and a whole lack of obeying still going on,

Kage (and Pookie)

________________________
Kage Alan is the Blazing Saddles watching, Lucas Soundtrack listening author of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation,” “Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins” and the first book in a separate series, “Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell.” It’s gonna be hot in Manhattan this upcoming week, so he’s thinking shorts! Fortunately, he also get to take the hubby for Korean chicken!!!! It’s worth going back to NYC just for the food.


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• A December of Sorrow, A Year of Remembering - Monday, December 17, 2012
• The Face of Gay 22 (J.P. Barnaby) - Saturday, December 15, 2012
• Nightmares of a Writer’s Mind - Thursday, December 13, 2012
• A Grand, Exciting, Phenomenal and Borderline Orgasmic Writing Experiment! - Monday, December 10, 2012
• The Face of Gay 21 (Thom) - Saturday, December 08, 2012
• Fear My Zany Zappers (And Other Cool Gifts Throughout The Years)! - Thursday, December 06, 2012
• The Boyfriend Tag (Q&A About My Pookie) - Monday, December 03, 2012
• The Face of Gay 20 (Paul Bright) - Saturday, December 01, 2012
• These Over Those: Your Feminine Wiles Have No Effect On Me! - Thursday, November 29, 2012
• Keeper of the Flame - Monday, November 26, 2012
• The Face of Gay 19 (Angel Martinez) - Saturday, November 24, 2012
• Thanksgiving: Thanks for Giving and Would You Please Give It Again? - Thursday, November 22, 2012
• What Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Mushy - Monday, November 19, 2012
• The Face of Gay 18 (Julie L. Hayes) - Saturday, November 17, 2012
• The Recognition Admonition Explanation - Thursday, November 15, 2012
• Tales From Being Married To My Half Asian Husband - Monday, November 12, 2012
• The Face of Gay 17 (Rick Reed) - Saturday, November 10, 2012
• Waking Up The Sleeping Giant: An Open Letter To Mitt Romney - Thursday, November 08, 2012
• Doing It Right For A Monday - Monday, November 05, 2012
• The Face of Gay 16 (Adriana D’Apolito) - Saturday, November 03, 2012
• It All Comes Down To This (My Final Word On The Subject) - Thursday, November 01, 2012
• Discovering You’re Doing It All Wrong - Monday, October 29, 2012
• The Face of Gay 15 (Kharisma Rhayne) - Saturday, October 27, 2012
• What 5 Horror Movies Scare An Author…Specifically Me? - Thursday, October 25, 2012
• A Few 2013 Halloween Film Musings From Yours Wickedly - Monday, October 22, 2012
• The Face of Gay 14 (David) - Saturday, October 20, 2012
• External Entropy of Entitlement Exemplified - Thursday, October 18, 2012
• The Beautiful Lie (Or How To Get A White Guy To Shut Up) - Monday, October 15, 2012


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