Blogs by Stephen Kata
12/8/2011 8:28:31 AM
The things I miss most since retiring from carrying mail are the words -- the strange and funny names on letters, the things people write on the outside of them, and the little signs on patrons' doors.
For example, my favorite name ever on a letter is "Robin Banks." Here's a good case for my contention that prospective parents should be required to pretend for a week that they're teachers calling out their kids' names in class, before they saddle them with whatever monikers they have in mind.
Folks are always writing things on letters trying to tell someone the person doesn't live at that address, etc. One wanted me to know the addressee (I hoped), had died. They wrote: "Diseased." Another one wrote: "Does not leave here." I realize it was an attempt to tell me the person had moved, but I couldn't help wondering if they had that condition where you're afraid to go outside. My favorite in this category? – "No such person has ever lived."
The little notes on doors were the best, like the one that should be a slogan for use of proper punctuation: "Please knock doorbell out." (Shoot! I forgot my hammer.) And the house with the apparently retarded doorbell: "Press in and hold – slow doorbell." And one of my favorites: "Do not knock – ring doorbell loudly." (I never did find the volume control on that one.)
I had a parcel to deliver once at a house which had a sign on the front door stating, "If no one answers go to back door." I proceeded as directed only to find the sign, "If no one answers go to front door." I spent twenty minutes trying to deliver that dumb parcel. (Just kidding.) My favorite in this division: "Doorbell does not work. Please rap loudly." I was tempted to perform an extemporaneous rap song about putting their parcel between the doors because it wouldn't fit in the mailbox, but restrained myself.
A mailman's job boring and colorless? Not on your life.
More Blogs by Stephen Kata
Religious Arguments - Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Woids - Thursday, December 08, 2011
Games - Saturday, October 15, 2011
Excerpt - Friday, October 14, 2011
Writing - Sunday, August 21, 2011
Perspective - Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Quote for the day - Friday, July 29, 2011
Involuntary Actions - Thursday, July 28, 2011
Illegal Aliens - Monday, July 25, 2011
A Sense Of Wonder - Monday, July 18, 2011
Going Postal - Friday, July 15, 2011
Postage Due - Thursday, July 14, 2011
Communication - Tuesday, July 12, 2011
What Is Your Life? - Thursday, July 07, 2011
Quote - Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Just ruminating - Wednesday, June 29, 2011