Blogs by Betty Anne Grillo
Do money problems cause break-ups?
6/18/2012 5:41:26 AM
Be part of the team, not the one who blames others
Do money problems cause break-ups?
Money is a very powerful thing in life. When there is plenty of it to go around, there are also plenty of smiles. What about those times when there just isn’t enough money at the end of the month?
As a paralegal I sat across the desk from countless numbers of people who were in denial about the sorry state of their finances. More often than not, when I worked with a couple I found that the burden of paying the bills fell on the shoulders of one person or the other. Couples in financial distress rarely work together to handle the family finances. One person writes the checks, and the other dishes out the blame. With the blame comes a natural tendency to pretend things are ok, or hide the reality from the other person. Anyone would want to avoid or run away from painful arguments. It is human nature.
Sometimes the person entrusted with the task of writing the checks appears to be the one most qualified. Usually, the other person actually wanted no part of the dirty job of paying the bills or creating a budget, but was so very quick to criticize how their partner handled things. Too often, I saw that handling the finances even allowed a person to manipulate the numbers for their own benefit, thinking no one would ever find out.
When it finally comes down to facing the truth, very often it is discovered that someone was hiding the ugly financial mess from the other. Always hoping that a windfall could change the situation, the lies begin and the trust erodes. The ways that we interact with each other, good and bad, tend to be amplified in a setting that involves money. Maybe it is the control it breeds over another person or situation, or just the feeling of power it brings. No matter what the initial motivation was, pretending or lying about finances in a relationship—married or otherwise—leads to mistrust and breakups.
The underlying character issues that cause someone to lie or hide from the truth are extensive. We’ll leave those questions to the psychologists. What couples need to do is face the current financial situation, initially treat the symptoms (overdrawn checking accounts, harassing phone calls, constant fighting about money) and then choose to work together to find the cure. The blame game is a dead end. You won’t find any solutions there.
Once the fires are put out, you can learn a better way to handle tough financial matters. Don’t choose to sacrifice your relationship over money until you investigate ways to improve the process of dealing with your budget and sharing the responsibilities. If you work together, as a team, there is no one to blame.
Join me at www.sunsetdreambooks.com to learn how to face your financial situation in a positive way. You and your partner deserve a fresh start. It is time to put money back into its place in your relationship—and focus on the healing and restoration of trust and respect.
All my best!
SUNSET DREAM BOOKS
***Where knowledge and compassion join forces to empower and encourage others***
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