Even Jedi Knights who are attuned to The Force cannot fight the dark side 24/7 of course. They have to sleep, eat, have a wash, go for a dump and get their shopping in.

Shopping and eating can pose particular problems for Jedi as the founder of the official church has found. The local Tesco store where he lives in North Wales have banned him for refusing to lower his hood while standing in the queue for the checkout.

The Jedi, who asked not to be named as he has a day job and his boss does not know he’s a professional twat in his spare time, told Boggart Blog,

“Iy aff to keep my ’ood up when I am out and about see to stop the force leaking out of my lug’oles look you.” said the Jedi when Boggart Blog asked him to comment.

When pressed he said “I’d only gone in for a loaf, a bottle of milk and some Cornflakes isn’it but I ended up ’aving my ’ooman rights violated. It’s is a clear cut case of discrimination cause of my religion bach. Ach - i - fey, they wouldn’t dare treat someone like that ’oo was wearning a Niquab see boyo.

OK, I hear what you’re saying, how can we take seriously a Jedi with a Welsh accent? Well Torchwood had Welsh accents and you didn’t laugh at them.

In the interests of balanced reporting we asked Tesco why they had taken this action. A spokesman for the retail giant told our reporter, “ Jedi Knights are welcome in all our stores but the hoods are a problem because people think they are standing next to a terrorist or mugger. We have to consider the feelings of all our customers.

Both sides have a point we felt put on the whole Tesco should perhaps be more wary of people with raised hoods lurking in the cosmetics aisle where they can pick up peroxide from the hair dyes shelf and acetone nail polish remover.

Read the proper story of the Jedi Knight here if you like Obviously it is not as funny as this version