One futuristic Christmas
A little boy
Scored a most slimy present
From his father
A baby alien coiled in a gift box
Like some mad swirly wig
It resembled a giant Jell-o-green artichoke
With tentacular scales
That erratically opened and closed
Around its asparagus-like body
At its tip, was a singular sapphire eye
Depending on its mood
It would eerily whistle
(High or Low)
Like a steaming tea kettle
This special creature was nicknamed
A “portable boysitter”
Everywhere
The child went
The alien artichoke was sent
Tagging along on a leash
Like some embarrassing chaperone
Not the pet every tot wants
Anytime
The boy would express
Humaneness or tenderness
The creature’s asparagus-like torso
Would become alarmed
Whistle
And then spiritually zap him
With its sapphire eye
One laser lash would freeze the child’s soul
Just a tad
Until eventually
After numerous paternal zappings
The boy would morph
Into an icy politician
A very presentable sociopath
Once a week
The little boy was taken
To a pagan church
By his competitive father
Among a throng of businessmen
With their sons
They worshipped a statue
Of the strange vegetable being
A being from
The most financially successful planet
In the galaxy
During the ceremony
The sculpture would
Emit a searchlight
From the top
Of its phallic body
When this occurred
All the fathers would
Lift up their boys
To ritualistically baptize them
In the blue light
That crept throughout the church
In the future
Every young boy’s
Manly rite of passage
Will consist of owning
A pet artichoke
With a phallic heart!
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