Do you know Who you are?
by Marcia B. Roberts
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Rated "PG13" by the Author.
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A description of how an abused woman feels in a court room with her abuser, her ex-husband who is fighting to take her kids from her as he promised he would if she ever left him.
Do you know who you are?
You are the typical abuser.
And by typical I mean, you follow all the patterns.
You do everything the books say you do.
All of it. And in the right order.
How did you get here?
To this place where you do all this, to me, to our kids.
Why can't you stop yourself? see it?
see who you have become.
Do you know who you are to me now?
You are the monster in my nightmares, My daytime haunting too.
I cannot look at you without fear.
Cannot be in the same room with you without shaking.
My mouth goes dry.
I cannot swallow.
I need air but I cannot leave.
I drink and drink and drink.
And tell myself to stay calm.
Stay calm, look calm, or they will take your kids.
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|Reviewed by Marcia Roberts
|I now work as a consultant in situations like this. Let me start by saying that I have many police officers and social workers that ask me how they can help. Part of it is a lack of education in the area of domestic violence and abuse. Sometimes I also think there is fear involved on the part of authorities. Often, outside of the home, abusers are charismatic, well-liked, powerful, wealthy, and influential. What police and Judges wait for and are eager for is for evidence that is undeniable. There must be a crime committed and proof that a defense attorney cannot overturn to get a conviction. Without those things, even the most well-meaning officials cannot do anything. That being said, abusers are clever. One of the best things to do but it takes time and diligence and makes lots of enemies is to create a paper trail, a folder of "minor" allegations that have been substantiated by professionals that can then act as evidence. Even with that, success is limited. One of the best things that can further justice in these areas is education. The best book I have ever read on the topic is "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft. He also has a website with contact information. If we could get every official to read this book, I believe things might change. However, barring that, all that one can do is hope that the abuser commits a crime other than abuse for which he can be arrested. This can be tough but I believe it is only a matter of watching and waiting. The criminal profile of an abuser is similar to that of a serial killer. He views women and children as objects just a serial killer and therefore believes that he can do whatever he wants to them. He is manipulative and enjoys "the game" with the system. He lies chronically and appears to have no conscience about what he does also like a serial killer. He maintains outside appearances, covers his tracks well, and works hard to make sure he is well-liked and very functional in society so that no one would ever believe such a thing of him. Part of what I do as a consultant is watch and wait. Serial killers are caught when they cross legal lines and make mistakes, eventually they do something that police can arrest them for. Like Al Capone who went to prison for tax evasion, the only way to help the legal system to help victims seems to be that gather the sort of evidence that a Judge will not be able to turn a blind eye to! Best of luck and feel free to contact me for more ideas!|
|Reviewed by Amor Sabor
|I appreciate the fight you are taking against abusive relationships and bringing it to the reader. Very well done.|
|Reviewed by Connie Faust
|A life-story in a few short lines. This is passionate and powerful. As a volunteer at a Pregnancy Care Center, I appreciate writing that gives me more understanding. Thank you for sharing.
|Reviewed by Karen Palumbo
|How true this is, been there and done that a long time ago...
Be always safe,
|Reviewed by Andy Turner
|Heck, I've been to court over 40 times and nothing is worse than her lying and the judge believing her diatribe of lies.
The pathological liar just stands there looking in-control, faking it, because they are unable to feel.
Yet the decent person feels for their child, the angst and pain is misinterpreted by the judge.
The assailant stands there knowing how to hurt you and con the judge.
|Reviewed by Regis Auffray
|I cannot imagine the traumatic experience that such a situation would be to go through; although I hear and see evidence of it all of the time. I can only empathize, Marcia. Thank you for sharing and love, peace, and best wishes to you,